Making it all about him

[Unintentionallycausingoffence]

How can I stop my DH from making DS meltdowns and anxiety into a drama all about him. DH is easily stressed, is short tempered and has Anxiety. I think he also likes to be the centre of attention despite claiming to be a shrinking violet. How can I make this more about helping DS as he’s parents. If anyone in the family is ill
then DH will start saying he isn’t feeling well or has a sudden pain somewhere. He has genuinely felt unwell in the past or had a pain and gone to the doctor but this seems to coincide with others being ill nowadays

Have you spoken to dh about it, what does he say?

I just wanted to say I can completely relate to this and it is tough -
I currently have the flu and have been bed bound on and off for two days with a bad asthma flare up and just generally pretty unwell.
My DP has been talking about how tired he is and how difficult it has been looking after our young DC.
DC is also teething right now.
DP has tried to get me up 3 times in 2 hours. I went to bed at 4pm. I physically can’t get out of bed.
He is currently being treated for anxiety and depression. It might be worth asking your DH about his anxiety, he may need to speak to the GP.

It sounds like he may have health anxiety and is stressing about getting ill himself as others get ill. He may need CBT or other talking therapy to address this as it's affecting your relationship

I’ve mentioned it and he agrees he does when DS is having a meltdown, he becomes melodramatic

Each time he does it calmly say 'Stop. Stop now. This is not about you, it's about DS.'

And I'd be pretty shirty with him afterwards. A sharp 'Grow up and lose the need to be center of attention please!' I'm not patient.

From what I’ve seen of his DP especially his DM they do the same

OP, tell him it's becoming a deal breaker for you - that it is difficult enough dealing with an autistic child without dealing with a spoilt, drama seeking 43 year old one and that he needs to grow up and parent like an adult. (insert actual age of DH).

(Sorry - just realised that you don't say that DS is austistic, and I just assumed that from the 'meltdowns'.)

Either way, it is difficult to parent any child if their other parent is going to ramp up the situation and make it all about them. If DH is adding to the stress and drama you'd be better off alone.

DS is Autistic but you were very kind with DH age he’s actually 50. On a serious note , it’s easy to get cross with DH in the moment but saying calmly it not about you may be the way foreword

I think you need a serious sit down with him @Unintentionallycausingoffence

Point out that his behaviour means that you - and you alone - are having to calm down DS and deal with the meltdown, which has now been given added fuel, drama and difficult by HIS silly behaviour. Tell him that if he continues you will genuinely be considering whether parenting an autistic child alone will actually be easier for you.

You could also point out to him that this also means that during his contact time he will have to deal with DS alone and you will get a break.