Stressed mum!

[Helpmeout124]

I just feel like I'm drowning, I wish there was two of me, I have 3 children (8)(3) and (1)my fiancee works 7-5 everyday as a tradesman. And I work 3 evenings a week too, I'm with the kids alone a lot. I walk over an hour a day to take my son to school because the school is no where near and I don't drive. And my middle child goes to nursery two mornings a week.

I just feel like I can't keep on top of everything. The house is getting on top of me. Everywhere I look there's piles of washing that need to be put away, and mess. Mess really gets to me and brings my mood right down, so I've been feeling really down lately. But my main issue is my middle child who is 3 has autism and can't be left unsupervised (obviously) but I have to have eyes on her like a hawk because she has no concept of danger and will do wild things at the snap of a finger. She follows me around all day creating a sea of mess, I'm not blaming any of this on her, this is just the reality, and the second I go to clean it, she's hurt herself, or had an accident on the carpet or is into something else. She is constantly taking her clothes off too so we always have curtains closed because I don't want strangers seeing my child naked. Today while I had my back turned in her room, sat on the floor putting her clothes away she turned a 80L staorage tub upside down and jumped on it, and went straight through it, scraping her sides. I feel so guilty because I wasn't watching her but these jobs need done, how am I supposed to get things done like this. On the two days she's at nursery I still have my 1 year old. And I do like to use that time to dedicate to 1:1 time with her, and I sort things around the house if she has a nap. Just need a vent more than anything else. I love being a mum, I really do. But sometimes it's so hard. I want my children to have a beautiful home to grow up in and it's proving difficult to keep it that way at the moment

I don't want to jump to conclusions as you've not really mentioned either way but seem as you say the house is messy I'm going to go with your husband needs to do more. You say he works 7-5, but when he gets home he just gets to clock off? But when do you? I'm not trying to undermine how tired he may be but I'm assuming he doesn't get in the house go to bed and sleep untill he works the next day? He also decided to have three kids as well and does need to help especially as one of those children has extra needs. It's not exactly taxing to put a few loads of washing in the machine, put some clothes away, wash some dishes, it takes an hour or so at most ( when you are able to get on top of it) but it is taxing when you have a child with special needs to look after and a baby. Or alternatively your husband watches the children that again, he produced, to give you an hour to get some jobs done. Please don't put all this burden on yourself!!

Other than this a cleaner could help? Or perhapse when free hours come in in September (or before if financially possible) the younger one could start nursery as well? Or more hours for the three year old.

Hi, I just wanted to say I think you are doing a brilliant job. I only have one and find it very hard. To manage 3 with a partner that works such long hours (and one of those has additional needs) I think is incredible.

I think you need some more time for you (very difficult I know). But financially could you afford a cleaner - that would make a big difference. And a babysitter half a day a week where you can have a bath, read a book, do something for you?

Maybe a rota would work well where your partner watches children and you can do something just for you.

We aren't in a position to hire a cleaner unfortunately that would be a dream! He always tells me to do things with my friends, or go swimming with my sister and he does encourage me to take time for myself, but I feel guilty leaving the house when it's a state. I do meet my friend for a wander round town and lunch usually once a fortnight. And I visit my granny every Tuesday morning. He is supportive in the sense that he dosnt expect the house to be clean and he will just get on with it when he's home, it just seems like I'm sweeping the desert. It's a never ending cycle. I can't remember the last time I sat down and the house was clean and I could just enjoy it for 5 minutes. As I'm writing this I'm waiting for him to come home so I can go and have a quick shower and get ready for work at 6. This is the most intense life has ever been and I'm just feeling it.

@Helpmeout124 as other poster said your doing a great job! Sorry it seems so endless at the moment and everything is just a phase, but please take your partner up on his offers of help. A house can be tidied at any time it will not fall to pieces with lack of care but a stressed out mama might! It might be a time to lower the standards for now as you plod on to older more self sufficient children (however that looks for the LO woth extra needs). Happy fed and well looked after children are the goal and it sounds like you are providing that to them all!

thankyou, I feel so overwhelmed all the time. The children are well fed and always clean and nicely dressed. But I don't eat untill dinner. I might eat the crust of there toast when I'm cleaning it up and I look like garbage everyday, I see myself in the mirror and don't even recognise myself. I keep zoning out aswell, like I'm doing things on autopilot but I'm not actually in my body, does anyone know what I mean by that. It's really hard to pull yourself out of

This is rubbish for you and feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start is normal. Do not put yourself down

Here's some ideas that I used because I have adhd and I manage to keep my house pretty tidy by using these tips

• throw out/donate or sell(if it's not too much stress) any clothes that haven't been worn in the last few months and same goes for toys

• any old papers, rubbish, letters, excess Tupperware etc just bin it

• remember you DO NOT need more than one pair of slippers, you don't need 3 dressing gowns, 8 handbags etc just try and keep essentials

• get lavender spray and spray it in every room and your pillow

• get new bedding or atleast put on clean bedding and Pajamas to make your sleeping time relaxing

• try fruit teas

• batch cooking an option?

• slap a face mask on while you do a chore if you don't have time to sit and relax, get some leave in conditioner to make your life easier, when watching tv have your feet in a bowl of water with bubbles to relax even if it's just five minutes. Do this as many times a week as you can not just as a treat

• change your bedroom around furniture wise to give yourself a feeling of a fresh start

• get colour catchers for the washing and bash what you can in and repeat until all the washing is done and that way you can try and put a wash on in the mornings every other day or so to stay in top of it

• as for the mess get a big card box/boxes and shove everything in there literally any mess that you can't currently deal with and each day put away or bin 10 items from the boxes it will gradually go down without being too overwhelming and it all won't be cluttering your home while you do it

• get a cheap basket from b and m or somewhere similar and keep it at the bottom of your stairs for items that need to be taken upstairs and once it's full take it up and sort

• do the advert break challenge. Whenever there is an advert on during tv time (that's if you get any) complete a task in that time such as quickly antibacterial and wipe down the kitchen sides

• an environmentally you friendly idea is get paper plates and cutlery enough for a week or two so you won't have any washing up to do just while you catch up

• kids toys - get a kallax or similar and shove them all in there and close the box

• go in Amazon and you will find wall mounted frames that hold 150 pieces of A4 paper so you can swop and change your children's artwork out incase that is cluttering your home

• if something doesn't have a place then it needs to go

• DH needs to step up

• you need to eat - get to Aldi and get snack food as it's better than. I thing - breakfast bars, croissant, pan au chocolate literally any on the go snack that requires no clean up or cooking time just to get something i to you in the daytime

• drink as much water as possible, get a water bottle or reuse a bottled drink

• look online about efficient kitchen and check your layout of where everything in your kitchen to see if your plates and microwave etc would be better elsewhere to make cooking more fluid and less stress

• delegate some jobs to DH

• hover one room a day for one minute, then once you have done all the rooms over a few days do it again but for two minutes, then Three etc . Get a roomba if possible

• cheap air fryers are a godsend too for cooking time

• get dinner lamps in your room you spend the evenings in and gradually dim the light over the evening to give yourself a more relaxing atmosphere and even a candle or two once the kids have gone to bed

You can do this

This was my view about an hour ago, just before my partner got in. My 3yo had taken most of the couch cushions off which she does all the time. Her dressing gown, which I had put on her just to cover her up lays there on the floor, chairs over. And that big blank ugly wall used to have lovely fancy prints on it and she knocked them off and broke the frames 🫠 this isn't a bash my daughter. I love her to bits and I'd rather have her than a lovely home. It's just stressful to sit in a mess

Oh my god I had visions of a messy home and your room looks stunning. Could you get that for le sided sticky tape for fabric to keep the cushions on the sofa ? And if you think that wall is boring make a ceiling boarder with art / pictures or go mad and paint the wall?

*double sided tape

I could try that, I thought about attaching Velcro too, but it's finding the time. I make it my mission this weekend to find a solution. We spent a lot of money 2 years ago doing the house up, so now to see the living room look like a drab empty shell is sad. And to see the rest of the house a mess too it's just irritating me, I want it to be like it was when it was first done. But family life is hectic and it can't always be lovely

You can get reels of sticky back Velcro from Amazon, if you cut some pieces to size then when you’re putting them back on after your DD has pulled them off you can attach them.

I’ve got some on my sofa and it works really well. I can remove them if I need to, but my DS can’t get them off!

Just checking - do you get DLA for your daughter? If not, get it claimed and use the money for a cleaner (if that's what would help you most)

Yeah we do currently get dla and carers allowance, I only work 12 hours a week over 3 evenings. It helps massively but with the cost of living we got that just as our living costs sky rocketed so at the moment we are no better off

I've just come home from work and he's set me up with fresh jammies folded on the sofa, the duvet down and traitors paused and waiting for me, he is a good egg. The house is relatively clean too! Hopefully after this weekend if we pull together I'll feel a lot less stressed 🤞🏻

Ahhh how lovely of him!

I struggle too and only have one baby!! I’ve started doing one room a day and just repeat every week! I’ve broken down what needs to be done in each room and tick it off…… I like to have a list to tick off!!

Ive seen The Organised Mum mentioned a lot on here so will have a look into that!!