Struggling with the thought of DC starting nursery and my return to work

[ohnowhatdidido]

DC is 10 months. I've avoided thinking about returning to work until now as I really better start settling in DC at a nursery. But I really really don't want to. I cried yesterday at the thought of only 6 more weeks of seeing DC's squishy little feet during her morning nap. I am going to miss her so terribly. Everyone says not to give up work and how I need it to have a sense of myself again and to regain that independence. But I feel like every cell in my body is now made to be with DC.

I would never have guessed this was me pre -baby. I was making plans to return at 6 months.

I wonder if I should delay things by another year. I've grudgingly organised a meeting with HR to organise going back to work but really I'm just going through the motions. I don't really want to go back. I love being a mum as tough as it is sometimes. And I feel like it's such an unbelievably precious time ill miss out on.

If you enjoy it and can afford it, I would delay it. You won't get that time back

I feel the same. I went back sooner with my eldest and it was tough. This time seems even harder somehow, can't really explain why.
I can't afford to be a SAHM. We have to pay the mortgage and it would mean my eldest would have to stop the activities he loves. Nursery fees are astronomical but my salary isn't too bad and we hopefully will jave grandparent help.
If you can afford to stay at home longer then I'd say go for it.
Sending hugs though because I understand!

It's so hard making that transition from maternity leave back to work. My DS is nearly 15 and I still remember sobbing in the car outside nursery when I dropped him off the first couple of times.

Are you going back full time or part time? I worked three days a week when DS was in nursery, so we still actually had four days of the week together. We had our regular groups and free time, but he also made some really good friends in nursery who he is now friends with still at secondary school.

Although I hated my return to work, I'm now really glad that I did go back as it's meant that I have progressed my career and can now afford to give DS opportunities that we might not have managed otherwise. I think part time might be worth considering if you haven't already? Good luck!

Agree with this. If you can take another year, and you want to be with your child, then do it. They really are only little once and it's such a special time. When to return to work is a personal choice and plenty don't get the option (and plenty more actively want to go back to their career), but if you have the resources to take extra time, and it's something you want, then to me it's a no brainier. I'm a SAHM to my 2 little ones (currently both under 3), and I decided to pause my career until they are both at primary school, preferring to spend time with them instead of spending my entire wage on nursery fees. Without doubt I made the best decision for my family and I cherish this precious time together (even when I'm fucking exhausted). That is a very personal choice and made in the context of me having a solid pension plan and an existing strong career, which I can resume when I need. Making the choice to stay off work does have to made with your head screwed on, as well as with your heart

Full time or part time?

I will say it is very normal to feel like this (having moments of this feeling with dC and she's only 2 months old!). That feeling usually doesn't persist once you are actually back though. I'm really glad I've always returned to work and I will do so again even though right now my hormones make me feel chilled just considering it. However, I haven't done full time, so I guess I still saw them quite a lot.

Go back part time. I just did 4 days and it was perfect.

I can remember dropping off my DS for his settling, he cried (but apparently stopped within a few mins) and I cried the whole walk home! After about 2 weeks there though we were both ok. My job was fantastic about letting me stagger my hours so I picked him up around 4:30 for the first year.

I never had a choice but to work (single parent) and always felt that going to nursery was so good for him (I still do). In my ideal world I’d have worked part time. Would that be an option for you?

I’ve just had my first week back after maternity leave, I was off for 6 months. Throughout maternity I was really looking forward to returning until about 2 weeks before where I felt I was having a meltdown constantly. I’ve only gone back 3 days for the next 6 months and my company hasn’t put any pressure on going full time after that. This first week back though has been glorious, it feels like I am doing something for myself which I haven’t felt for 6 months. I only say this as it felt really daunting, but once I’d made the leap it was worth it. Perhaps trying part time initially would help, like other posters have suggested.
Everyone experiences motherhood differently though and if you can afford and want to be a SAHP definitely do it ☺️. There is beauty in choice if it’s available.

I think I will go with part time. But even still I don't feel great about it. I am hoping when I actually start I will feel ok about it but if I don't I can always look into being a SAHM.

Someone mentioned you need to make the decision with your head as well as your heart and so it made think of how before getting pregnant I switched careers and so I am very junior in a new sector. I feel like it would either be ok to pause now as I'm so junior anyway I could just pick up another junior role OR if I paused, I would be quite unappealing returning to a junior role given my age.

Hi OP, my youngest is 2.years and I’m due back to work in a few weeks. I’m just going to do 2 days for NMW and tbh I keep thinking what’s the point as I love our time together. This role is junior and there will always be other junior roles. So I completely understand. I’m miserable just thinking about leaving her and she’s much older than yours. I too am going thru the motions, and now feel I’ve gone so far it’d be unfair to the new job to back out. I’d say take the time off, your little one is so tiny.

Aawww I have every sympathy for you. I hope it feels easier for you xx

You also might feel a bit better about it when they are a but older, 10 months is still so little but around 18-20 months they might quite like a different setting too, and by then you may feel like you need a bit of a break as well

This was me, but once she was settled into nursery I realised I loved the break! Couldn't have imagined feeling that way beforehand though. Now I couldn't imagine being a stay at home parent, I love the days that I get to drop her at nursery! And she loves it there, she has the best time and I feel refreshed and a better parent for it (even after a long day at work!).

Trust me that it will feel different on the other side. If it doesn't, you can consider your options at that point.