Leaving 2 year old to go on honeymoon

[doodlepants]

Hello. I'm due to go on honeymoon in about a month for 12 days. It's long overdue, we got married three years ago but it was the tail-end of covid and travel was a nightmare so we postponed. Then I was pregnant and then post partum. She's 2 now and we have booked to go to Japan, finally, but without her (we feel the travel would be a bit much for her).

I'm beginning to get cold feet about leaving her for that long. She will be with grandparents who she adores and who she will have a complete blast with. When I was younger my dad was away for 6 months and when he came back my 3 year old brother screamed and ran away because he didn't know who he was.

I know it's nowhere near 6 months but I keep getting the niggling thought "what if she forgets about me? What if she doesn't need me any more?"

Has anyone done this? How did your little one (and you!) cope?

Thanks.

I should say that her grandparents also look after her during the week while we are at work (instead of nursery) and they've had her overnight a handful of times, all very successfully. So she'd be somewhere she is very familiar with too.

What exactly is the question? Are you wrong to do it? Will it damage her?

She'll probably be fine while you're away, you'll miss her terribly, when you get back she'll be unsettled for a while and have some bottled up feelings. Which will be resolved after a month or two.

I think I would find it hard to be away from a child that young for that long. What if she fell ill etc - it would be hard to get back quickly.

The longest I've been away from DC is when one was ill and the other 6yo got looked after by grandparents - we were popping in but mainly at the hospital. She was seemingly fine then quite distressed when we went back to normal, but the worry and stress element of it being due to a sick child might have been more important there.

We left our then 21 month old for a week for our honeymoon. She had a ball and there was no settling in or issues on return she was delighted to see us and we gave her lots of presents from our hols! Have a great time and don’t worry.

I am currently away from my 16 month old for 3 weeks due to unavoidable work commitments (working out my notice period as I don't want to keep doing this!). It's really hard but they are with dad and grandparents, and in the usual routine. I have had to be away for a week here and there for work before this and honestly didn't notice them needing to "reacclimatise" to me when I returned. I send videos of myself chatting to them (so can be played when they are in the mood, rather than a video call which mostly just involve them running around the room whilst DH tries to get them in shot!) which I think helps. I feel incredibly guilty about being away, especially if they have a bad night and I wish I was there to comfort, but secure attachment and comfort doesn't just need to be provided by parents and I know they can be comforted by MiL too if DH wasn't around.

I understand your worry but 6 months in one go with a 3 year old is totally different to 2 weeks with a younger child. She won't remember you having been gone once you are back, and she's safe with people who love her and in her usual environment/routine so I wouldn't worry. Enjoy yourself but be prepared to miss her and probably to feel guilty and spend far too much on travel presents for her!

She's with familiar people who love her. She'd be fine. 12 days is not a long time.

Think of it this way when you have the niggling thought - if she can get attached to her grandparents in 12 days and forget me, that means she's having a great time. Also means that within 2 weeks of my return she'd forget I ever went away and everything will be back to normal.

Enjoy your holiday. I would give anything to have trusted family that can look after my little ones for even a weekend getaway.

I reckon 12 days will be all good as everyone already knows each other. Practice facetime whilst you are still around see if she likes it.

I've been there with this kind of decision. It will flash by. Solid time to connect with DH golden for your 2yo too xx