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seven year olds with attitude

8 replies

redpyjamas · 19/03/2008 22:49

Does anyone else have experience of a seven year old suddenly going through a really 'teenager-esque' stage?

My dd is so difficult these days, and I am finding dealing with her really really hard. Also, as a single mum, it is hard to know whether I am being reasonable with her. There's no one around to give me any reassurance.

My dd argues with me, and is quite rude to me, and moans on and on and on and on whenever she doesn't get her own way, or whenever she has to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Then when I stick my ground, she claims that she is having a rubbish childhood, that she would prefer to be someone else (earlier today, it was Charles I who had his head cut off!), that I'm not fair, that I always get my way.....

It is so wearing me down, and when I am feeling premenstrual, I just feel totally unable to cope. I start to believe that I really am giving her a lousy childhood. (At the moment, I am not pre-menstrual, and I know full well that she has a great childhood - that she will recognise that in her adulthood).

But even at the best of times, I just don't know how to deal with it. Do I answer her constant questions (which are just repeats of "WHY CAN'T I" and followed by "do you actually love me?" (i.e. not constructive debate))? Or do I insist that the subject be dropped (I have given her the answer and the explanation, and there is no more to say on the case)?

How do you answer if your child reminds you that you also do things wrong (like get grumpy sometimes - which is quite true)? I mean, I know that I am far from perfect (and I do humbly apologise to her when I know I have not been fair or whatever). But that does not mean that I can't try to train acceptable behaviour in her, does it?

I am of the school of thought that children should be obedient to their parents - that they can't fully understand implications or dangers as children. I try to explain to her why I have asked something of her, and I do listen to reasonable and polite questioning and change my mind when appropriate).

But she really has a way of making me feel absolutely guilty, hypocritical, unfair etc. etc.

I don't necessarily want a debate on the best ways of disciplining. Rather, is there anyone who has personal experience of this kind of attitude? Is it a common phase in children of her age?

Thanks for getting this far.
Sorry - this turned out to be quite long.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ohnoherewego · 19/03/2008 23:01

It is definately a common phase. My DD and all her friends were like mini adolescents last year.when they were 7. My Dd has largely returned to normal at 8 and a half. FWIW I'm all for the approach that the subject should be dropped when we've made a decision, partly because it winds me up too much to keep having the same arguments.

redpyjamas · 19/03/2008 23:03

Thanks ohno
Reassuring to know. She has always been the much more easy-going (albeit rather prone to moaning) than her younger sibling.
When I drop the subject, she mutters on and on and ruins the day.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 19/03/2008 23:08

My DD is 6 anmd she's just the same!!..moany,stroppy (you wanna see the looks)arguementative...you are not alone!...stick to your guns...no matter how many mistakes you make ...you are her parent and you care about her and love her...I just say I've said what I have to say end of...I acknowledge her concerns...but at the end of the day...I have the last and final word (puts on matching hard hat & bullet-proof vest)

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sobeda · 20/03/2008 09:00

I have one of these 7 year old teenagers too! Last night she said she couldn't beleive I had wasted 7 minutes of her time telling such a boring story about something that happened on my way home. Sometimes she's like a little girl, then just morphs into someone I almost expect to ask me for the keys to the car. Mostly I stick to keeping the negotiation to a minimum, trying to be as consistent as possible and rewarding the non-teenage like behaviour with warmth and things I know she enjoys doing with me. She's also going through a distinct Daddy love phase which I think is related to her behaving like a teenager with me. Grateful for any tips from others about how to respond!

cory · 20/03/2008 09:17

Oh dear, mine (ds) seems to be going backwards and to have hit the toddler stage instead. I've been whinged at since 7 o'clock this morning and it's an inset day. So I've got a good 9 hours to go before Daddy comes home.

Doesn't help that I've had a bad chest infection for the last 4 weeks and a permanent cold since January and am feeling like a pile of cat do. Nor that dd had an operation last week so isn't very mobile; otherwise I'd send both of them off to the park. Instead I need to look after dd, pack for tomorrow when we go off to Grandma's (but I want to stay in bed!) and just listen to the whingeing....

What is it abou 7yos? When it was dd, I just assumed that she was going through a bad patch- her disability had just become apparent and she was disbelieved by the doctors- so I assumed it was all damage done from outside. Now I'm beginning to think it is something to do with the age. A phase. Oh, tell me it's a phase!

Actually, I have some evidence. Dd (11) is now quite a reasonable human being.

It's a phase, folks! We will get through! A phase, a phase!

taipo · 20/03/2008 09:36

My dd went through this phase too. She's now 8 and although the tantrums haven't stopped completely, they're a lot rarer and not so explosive.

She also reminds me of when I've been a bad parent, like when I've not done something I promised to do

Would also like to know what causes this phase.

UnquietDad · 20/03/2008 09:39

Yup, we have one of these!

It didn't help reading about "early onset puberty" the other day either...

She is horrible to her brother, answers me and her mother back, stamps round the house, kicks things, screams and shouts "not fair"...

And then half an hour later is snuggled in her bed with her teddies, little pink face looking up at us and smiling sweetly, and reaching out to give me a hug.

Nothing like 7-year-old girls!

Aimsmum · 20/03/2008 09:46

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