Is DS massively behind?

[Combinetrailer]

DS turned 3 last month and isn’t properly potty trained. He is wearing pants and if you take him regularly he will wee but he never says he wants to go so if you don’t take him he’ll just wet himself. He also doesn’t poo on the toilet and just soils himself.

I have been following advice online but it is a bit frustrating. I’m a bit worried we’re really behind as it seems most of the other children we know have been reliably potty trained for over six months and are wiping their own bums and so on. I can’t imagine DS even being close to this. But I know I’ve made the mistake of ‘babying’ him before. I’m just wondering what stage others were at when they were just turned 3.

I only potty trained my boy twin a couple of weeks ago and he is just 3. I went boot camp style though during the bad weather and didn't leave the house for several days. I still have to help him. He refuses potty's and will only use the toilet. But he does tell me now that he needs to go.

What do you do when he has an accident?

Just clean him up and usually say something like ‘shall we try to get to the toilet next time?’

It is the lack of verbal communication around it that worries me a bit as I dont see how we will ever move beyond this point without him saying when he needs a wee or poo.

My 4.5-year-old is still a bit like this. We know he needs a poo because he starts walking around like a penguin, but he never wants to stop playing to go to the toilet. With wees, we have to take him regularly kicking and screaming. He only tells us about 30% of the time that he actually needs to go.

We were referred to a pediatrician neurologist (we live abroad) who checked that his development was fine in other areas and said it was nothing to worry about until he's about 6 and to just keep doing what we're doing. He said there is a genetic aspect from the males in the family and asked about my DH when he was a boy.

Hope that helps to put your mind at rest.

I didn't potty train till 3. I saw many people try and fail before 3 and didn't see the point in stressing about it. At 3 she was very ready it took about a week, bar one accident a week for a month.

I really wouldn't worry yourself over this you are not behind at all.

Could you try a sticker chart for the poos?

Ds is nearly 7 and still not reliable with toileting

ive known nearly 4 year olds still in nappies, then potty train really quickly.

all children are different, its best not to compare them otherwise it can make you feel like yours isn’t progressing but they all get there in the end

If you're worried about his communication around potty training, how is his speech and language generally? I'd do this progress checker. If it says "you answered no to some important questions" he probably needs seeing by an SLT and a hearing test.

As for the potty training, how would you feel about going back to nappies for a couple of weeks and then trying again?

At just turned 3 my ds was still screaming at the sight of the potty after we tried oh crap at 2.5. At 3.5 he suddenly told us he wears pants now and barring a couple of bouts of constipation, has been perfect since (just turned 5). Ds was the very last in his nursery room to train, but when he was finally ready, he was great. Bribery did not work! Give him some time without talking about it, and let him see some fancy pants waiting for him :)

Dd is just turned 2 and has been asking to use a potty since before she could walk (excellent comms skills, slower on the movement). We've not trained her yet as she can't pull pants up and down, though she asks to be taken often. She wants to be like her brother, but physically she's not there yet.

One of mine couldn’t do it at just turned 3. We tried for weeks, I ended up sobbing into a potty, gave up and started again 4 months later and they got it fairly easily.

The other pretty much decided themselves just before 3.

Many friends have been closer to 4, all have been done before school starts.

Mine have really varied based on when they were ready and one me not wanting to do potty training in the middle of winter. DC1 was 3 and a quarter, DC2 2.5 and DC3 we started at 3 but he's back in nappies at 4.5 after 2 spells in pants.

DC3 has constipation problems though (worsening, hence him being back in nappies and under medical management). It took quite a long time for us to realise as he was pooing multiple times daily, just they were small soft pellets that didn't add up to enough. If they are constipated, the right signals don't necessarily get through to the brain, so they may genuinely not know they need to go. It would be worth doing a quick check e.g. on Eric's website if your DS has any of the signs of constipation like lots of little wees.

We tried with my eldest at various points and he just wasn't ready. In the end, at 3.5 I bought him one of those seats that sit on the loo with steps. He ended up never using the potty and went straight to the steps/seat combo. He only had one wet accident after trying it this way. I was so worried at the time as he was one of the very last at pre school to crack toilet training but in hindsight I'm glad we didn't force it and make it a big thing as he took to it brilliantly once he was ready. Good luck