This is difficult to write so please be patient with me.
My DD is 6 years old. She’s always suffered with low self-esteem but over the last months things have been getting progressively worse. She exhibits behaviours that could indicate anxiety, ADHD, Autism or a combination. We are in the process of getting a private assessment.
DD has such a negative view of herself and puts herself under so much pressure. It’s as if feels she needs to be ‘good’ 24/7 and when she is unable to do so (naturally) she punishes herself and it causes a flight/fight - which ends up in 'fight'. She is such a kind person – looking after kids at school who are lonely or hurt etc. Her first thought is always for others.
Since Y1 at school she has been reluctant to attend school, saying she misses us or its boring or it is too hard (again putting herself under far too much pressure). We have exhausted all efforts to find out what is happening there and I’m relatively confident school is not the issue. She goes in now of her own accord if we don't make a big deal of her refusing - but she gets really clingy at the door.
She has a small group of friends at school but she does struggle at times as she perceives them to not like her if they won’t play games she suggests for example. The friendship group does have its ups and downs but no more than you’d expect for that age.
While we try everything to boost her self confidence (classes outside school, reassuring her etc) the main issue is that she is prone to violence with us when she gets overwhelmed. We think she masks her anxiety and then ‘blows’ at home. She punches/kicks, follows us round the house (normally ends with one of use having to barricade themselves in a room). It is like she is in a trance and we cannot get her out of it – the only times she snaps out of it quickly are if she inadvertently hurts herself and it shocks her. Afterwards she gets so apologetic, crys and talks about how life would be better if she wasn’t here as ‘life is too hard’. It breaks my heart.
Has anyone been through anything like this? We are hoping the assessment will help us understand the underlying issue and allow us to focus on helping her. But these outbursts of rage – we don’t know what to do for the best and it is taking its toll on the entire family….
Thank you in advance for reading this.