14mo only settles with boob

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My DS is 14 months and will still only settle to sleep with boob. He only BFs now for this purpose and doesn't really need it for nutrition as he eats and drinks fine in the day. But the habit is so ingrained now that I can't figure out how to break it. He wakes multiple times each night and will only settle each time by being BF. He usually needs to be fully asleep before being put down or we have to start again.

I'm getting so tired that I've really had enough and want to finish BF completely so I can share the load more with DH. I just can't figure out how. Whenever we try DH settling him or if I try and put him down without BF (or even BF him then put him down drowsy) the screaming is horrendous. Not just tired moaning, it's full on heartbroken screaming and just gets worse and worse the longer we let it go on.

DD had long lost interest in BF by this age. I used to give her a bottle of milk before her bath so I knew she was full. DS isn't keen on drinking milk from a bottle and only really sips it from a cup so I can't really do this with him. Even if I did it seems to be more about the comfort for him.

Not really sure what I'm looking for here as I've tried so many things already, but does anyone have any advice or just reassurance?!

Do you think some gentle night weaning would help him to have a decent chunk of sleep each night?

Once you've got him doing that, I would talk to a BFC on only of the BFing Helplines about weaning him fully.

That's a really helpful article, thank you! I will try it. I just hate the screaming so much and struggle to believe that other people's babies scream and fight so forcefully when they try these things. The BF helpline is a good idea too, in my head they are just for newborns but I guess they might be able to help with this too.

They will definitely help you to come up with a plan to wean, as long as it's BFing related they will be there for you

I know people who have weaned gradually by allowing less and less feeding over time, e.g. 10 minutes for a few days, 7 minutes the next few days, 5 minutes the next etc. Eventually you get to zero, when you just give them a cuddle and then put them back down. There might still be crying, but this might be a gentler option.

I was very anti- allowing my child to cry, and tried everything to avoid it. But 3 children later my view is very different. Looking back I feel like there was more crying in total from trying to get them to sleep gently, plus masses of extra time and stress for me and my husband. If I had just put the baby down when drowsy, and allowed them a little cry to settle themselves, I could have saved all of us (including the baby!) a lot of pain by teaching them good sleep habits from the start.

So now my honest advice would be to sleep train by allowing them to cry. You can still go in every so often to comfort them and let them know they are not alone, but ultimately they have to learn to go to sleep on their own, which means not breastfeeding them to sleep. It might be bad the first night, but I would bet you it is worlds better a few days later. I am also sometimes surprised by my baby - I think she will want feeding when she wakes in the night, but actually a bit of shushing will do the trick on its own.

Each to their own though. I know that this issue can be very polarising!

Like father like son I suppose.

I night-weaned my 3rd baby at 2.5 years (the older two had each self-weaned when I became pregnant with their next sibling, but I couldn't keep doing that indefinitely!) by just walking him around at night every time he woke for a feed. He would eventually drop off again, I would lie down with him (we co-slept), and after a while he would wake up looking for the boob and I would start pacing around the bedroom with him again. Repeat ad nauseum.
It was fairly hellish for a week or so in terms of my own exhaustion, but he was never left to cry and after about ten days he just stopped waking in the night. The bedtime feed was the last to go, and he gradually reduced that himself over a few months until he stopped looking for it at all.

Thanks all. @AppropriateAdult Walking around with him does sometimes work. He's so heavy now though and often really thrashes around which makes it difficult. It's something to consider though. Gets my step count up at least!

@chickpea1982 I think ultimately I am just going to have to let him cry. I just hate it so much. I'm not against it on principle and can totally see the logic of it being better in the long run but he just gets so angry and upset. He will not be put down drowsy, if I try he just gets furious and the more I try to comfort him in any way which isn't boob, he just gets worse. The longest I've tried leaving him is 15 mins and he was showing no signs of giving up by the end of that.

Looking back both of mine ramped up the amount they woke at night at 14 months and this was the time I decided to move them to their own rooms. I didn't night wean then but they only woke once or twice a night after moving them.

He's been in his own room for a good few months now! 😬 Two wakes is still a very good night for us.

Oh no! Sorry that suggestion is a bit duff. Another thing to hat might work is extra clothing. DD would never have slept at that age unless I introduced another layer. Putting a fleece blanket between the sheet and the mattress seemed to help.

31 ways to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep might help too