Sending velcro toddler to the childminder's

[UnravellingTheWorld]

My son is 2.5 and is a big old Mummy's boy. He loves Daddy but has absolutely never had Daddy phases - only Mummy will do. He has never been looked after by anyone else other than my parents (who he sees all the time).

We have just moved house, so he's gone through a massive change in the last few weeks! He's doing brilliantly, but there's been a few meltdowns and general clinginess. He's a very sensitive boy - a mere slightly stern tone will bring him to tears.

Anyway, (getting to the point) I now have to get a childminder to care for him for 2 days a week while I work. We moved to a new area; we don't know the person at all. Also my child hates other kids because he's not used to them (idk how many other kids she has yet).

Any words of wisdom, or comforting experiences? I'm really quite anxious about how he's going to cope with going to a stranger's home and me leaving. My parents are no longer nearby or they would continue childcare.

OP your love for your little boy comes through.

I would advocate for as slow a transition period as you possibly can. Google the Berlin Model for transition - it's what they use in Germany to allow children to build an attachment to their caregiver before being left with them. I managed to persuade nursery to do a bit of a longer transition period for my little one before I found the Berlin Model and I so wish I'd done more. She cried at drop off for weeks and I feel like we could have lessened that...

Something like, go there and stay with him for an hour a few times. Start to not be right next to him all the time and do things like pop to the toilet for a minute (always say bye! Sneaking off saves your feelings but not his). Then build up from there. This isn't going to be what they want to do, so you may have to find a compromise, but that is what I would try to support a sensitive little one in a way that is consistent with developmental psychology and attachment. Good luck.

@Mielbee Thanks for your response. I'll look up the Berlin method!

I use this method several times a year to settle children into daycare (am not in the UK!). If you have any questions let me know. Or PM me ☺️

My experience is it would be the pickup that will be the real melt down- make sure you build in plenty of time to reconnect, don't assume you can just zoom home and start making dinner or anything ambitious. Pickup is a massive transition

If he hates other kids becuase he isn’t used to being with them then I think there has been an element of lack of socialising here. Does he not go to playgroup? Or similar?

better to introduce him to the concept of being with other kids and how they behave now than when it’s mandatory at school in a class of 30!

a good childminder will support your need for a slow transition and just do what you can, you knew this would happen when you moved so just make the best of it and always ensure you are positive about it to your child

That's amazing! I'm devastated that it's not standard practice here. Do you think it works well?

Absolutely. If it's done properly (you need enough staff) then I've found it gives a pretty smooth transition to daycare. It also depends on parents and staff working well together, and little hiccups are normal - periods where a child cries at drop off for example....
But far better than the drop and go mentality 😜

Thanks everyone for the advice! That's a really good point about pickup - he's probably going to want about a 45 min cuddle before anything else 😅

He did go to a playgroup, but he's never really been keen. We've had a ridiculous year of ridiculousness before the move, but now I have capacity (didn't before for various reasons) to really focus on his social development. I know he will hate going to a childminder with another toddler, but it will also be SO GOOD for him.