Managing alone with new baby & CFS while husband working away

[Rosebadger]

Looking for tips and coping strategies!

I’ve had a chronic health condition which leads to intense fatigue, dizziness & cognative issues for the last 3 years. DD is 6 weeks old and we’re managing well with DH taking on a lot of the heavy lifting, especially overnight & when she’s particularly active. DH WFH about 8 months of the year, and works away for the remainder.

He will be away weekdays/nights for the whole of March. I need to work out how to look after DD while not pushing myself into a crash. I also need to think practically- for example I don’t always wake up when she cries as I also have some hearing loss. She’s in a ‘next to me’ style cot but I have missed overnight feeds because of this (DH has taken them as we’re combi feeding). I have poor upper body strength due to the CFS so carrying her a lot can tire me out significantly. I’m also still recovering from an EMCS.

I am determined to cope while DH is gone so would welcome recommendations from anyone managing similar health conditions or any kit/equipment/smart shortcuts that you have found helps in general when looking after a baby on your own.

So not to drip feed: DM is coming to stay for a few days but can’t be there the whole time. DMIL & DSILs close enough to pop in occasionally and for me to call in an emergency but no one else can spend a significant time helping or stay overnight.

Hmm
A good monitor that is visual also
A wrap so that you're not using your arms to carry
Lots of easy food in so you're not trying to cook
Get food deliveries, don't go shopping.
Cut down on showers/hair, grim but I find them very draining.

I'd even use the monitor even if she's next to you, surely it will amplify her cries for you?
Try it before Dh leaves so you can feel reassured

I would hire someone to come in and help tbh.
Get someone each day maybe 8am-11am. They can help with extra things that might tire like bathing baby, cleaning baby clothes and feeding bits, as well as let you sleep an extra hour or two when needed.

Even if you just hire someone temporary for March whilst baby is so young, then review after.

If baby combi feeding, order some of those ready made formula individual cartons

There must be some devices for sale to assist new deaf mothers with waking with their children - vibrating pillow or something. Maybe order something like that to help alert you at night?

@Caspianberg I agree, just not sure where to start in finding someone local to me and what their job title would be! Tried searching a nanny but didn’t find anything suitable for a young baby. We could afford to do something in the short term so will try again.

@SecondUsername4me I was thinking exactly the same, my health issues are mild in comparison to many parents who manage to care for their baby so the resources must be out there. I found a couple of monitors with vibrating pads so will look into this thank you.

I Had CFS before I had kids and when my kids were small. As she is so small I'd definitely sleep a lot when they slept, all their naps etc. You can also use ready cooked food or ask your mum and ILs to batch cook some meals for you which you can freeze. Shopping and cooking is tiring.

Options are:

• cleaner can change bedding and also do laundry as well as the hard work like cleaning kitchens and bathrooms.
• someone to help with baby (I used childcare.co.uk for this and had someone else's aupair when their child was at school. I paid minimum wage).

A hearing test to support you with hearing aids. You need to he able to hear your child.

A wrap to carry to conserve energy.

Accept your house may be a mess. This is about survival.

Fill freezer with frozen veg and batch cooked meals.

Order more than enough nappies/formula.

Multivitamin or whatever you find works for you, magnesium helped my ME, I think this is a similar thing?

Clothes- if you have to buy more then buy more. That way there's less pressure to do the washing.

Sleep- if you can, and it's hard, Sleep when baby is sleeping. Don't feel pressured to get baby into a routine. Now is not the time.

Be kind to yourself.

Do not worry about having to go out and about with baby. They can be amused easily just with things around the house like wooden spoons.

I wouldn’t worry about having to find an experienced newborn nanny. They wouldn’t be left all day sole care, but you would be with them. Just you might be resting on sofa whilst nanny/ mother help baths baby nearby or played with her on the floor a while. And helped with day to day stuff. So a nanny without years and years experience is also ok

You could try a nanny agency if you want help looking.

Tbh it’s also the type of cash in hand job just a mother with own child might be able to lend a hand with a few week if you advertise at local school or nursery. If there own child is at school or nursery 3-6hrs a day, they might be able to help in between