Toddler barely eating

[FrizzledFrazzle]

Can I have some advice on how to feel less stressed about my toddler's eating.Hes nearly 20 months.

In terms of variety, he eats a bunch of different fruit and veg, cheese, cream cheese, peanut butter, hummus, occasionally beef sausage, chicken breast, haggis, oats, Weetabix. Not much in terms of "mixed together" meals.

But the problem is quantity. Whenever he's ill he eats only a tiny amount and cries for milk instead. Same with any social stresses. With family visiting at Christmas, followed by us visiting family abroad for 2 weeks and then a week of illness it seems like it's been a month where he's eaten maybe one good meal a week.

He's not underweight but he's definitely got slimmer. It's really hard to stay positive and upbeat about meal times or try to prepare "proper" meals rather than a selection of bits, just to have him potentially refuse even to sit in the high chair, or play with the food but put nothing in his mouth.

Any tips for staying positive?

Know and accept it’s completely normal…

on Saturday my DD ate the same portion of chicken udon noodles as my husband (seriously)
on Sunday for dinner she ate 2 small cubes of cheese and a piece of apple (no exaggeration). She said she was all done so we took the food away no drama… offered toast she said no. Again fine.
then had bedtime milk (240ml) and announced she want “more” so I got more and chugged another 180ml

some mornings she’ll barely eat half a banana for breakfast… other days it’s a whole banana, wheetabix AND a whole crumpet 😵‍💫

it’s totally normal for them to wax and wane

getting stressed won’t change what he eats.

what do you find stressful about it?

@GreatGateauxsby it's stressful when it's been a month and because he falls back on breastfeeding but I don't really have the milk supply to sustain that.

It's also stressful that I would like us to say eat dinner as a family, but the reality is that sometimes he gets upset before he's even in the chair, or wants to get down after 30s, so the reality is that I offer him his dinner separately and we eat after he's gone to bed; or DH and I take shifts at eating while either trying to keep him happy on our laps, or playing with him in the living room.

Today he has eaten a grape and a blueberry plus some breastfeeds. Yesterday he ate a spinach/feta parcel and 2 bites of banana.

Usually I reassure myself that it's what he eats in a week that matters. But it's been 4 weeks of very lean pickings!

Exactly what the previous poster said, completely normal. Sometimes DD seems to subsist on toast and a banana all weekend, other times will eat masses. So long as she's drinking milk and seems well I try not to worry. We always offer food but if she says no I try not to make it a big deal. The advice I've had is that they regulate themselves. At 20 months the breast feeding is probably more for comfort rather than nutrition and if your little one is feeling under the weather that's probably why he's reverting to that.

It's definitely normal. Remember that when you think he's slimmed down it's most likely just him taking a stretch. They do slim down as they grow.

If you're very anxious about it call your HV for reassurance or talk to GP.

Do you want to stop breastfeeding? It’s more for comfort at this age… does he take any cows milk?

Our family dinner rule is we all sit down together and you can go when you are done.
so DD has to join us for dinner but if she’s finished after 2 minutes (literally 2 mins) we either give her some colouring or playdoh and she stays at the table or we just let her pootle about the room while we chat and eat and interrupt if she’s trying to injure/kill herself/the dog

in a genuinely nice way you sound like you are trying to control things too much and need to go with the flow.
what does it matter if he won’t sit for the whole meal?

Thanks @Geraldneedsasecondclassstamp and @Snookums97 it's reassuring to hear that it's normal - even if it's been a month!

@GreatGateauxsby it's not that he has to stay at the table the whole time, but he's not great at entertaining himself. So as soon as he gets down he often starts dragging at me to get me to come and play with him. Or cries that he wants milk until I take him out a d breastfeed him.

I'd be fine with breastfeeding just for comfort (like morning and evening) but over the last month it feels like he's wanted it as food again and it's exhausting!

Sometimes breastfeeding can just reach a peak with them and they sort of regress. If you feel like it's starting to become difficult then you could wean him off if you feel ready. His appetite will probably increase if you do.

But the slimming down can be startling. I remember packing away my sons 18-24 months clothes a few months after he turned two. Then the very next week the 2-3 which had fitted him perfectly were falling off him. He'd taken a stretch and they no longer stayed on his new slim tum!

He's comfortably in them now. They sort of grow up then out.

Quick update to this:

• we night weaned because I was emotionally done with night feeds. It's made a big difference. Some nights he sleeps through, some nights he wakes a few times but my husband is helping him go to sleep again. It was tough (and the changing hormone levels from an abrupt drop in feeding was quite emotional too) but not as bad as I feared. And not doing the night wakes right now is really helping my mental health.
• I'm being really boundaried about daytime feeds. One in the morning, one after nursery and one before bath time. We had a lot of tantrums about milk (and other things!) this weekend, but they are getting shorter and DS is quite accepting of the new routine.
• Eating is improving slowly. Some days eating lots more and has tried some new foods too, so feeling better about this too. Feels much more like regular toddler capriciousness now.

Thank you for everyone'd helpful advice!

Love a positive update

Remember not to worry when their appetite goes to shit when they're ill. Sometimes it's like that for a while afterwards. It'll come back. It can feel like an eternity for us but it's really not.

Toddler son has just recovered from a virus and his appetite is still affected. Mainly wants to live off milk, yoghurts and breadsticks. Asked for porridge this morning (hooray!) then pushed it away and told me to put it in the bin without eating one bite It'll improve gradually until it's back to normal. Their eating is never linear.