After nursery care - are au pairs still a thing?

[Voltefarce]

We moved my son (3) to a lovely nursery which is attached to a public school and has a late stay facility. The late stay includes older children, and on the times we have tried it with my son he has become very distressed, so they’ve said that they are not going to accept him at the moment as it’s too disruptive.

I have been struggling to find a nanny just for that after school slot. Do people still have au pairs? Any tips for finding a good one? Some of my friends have had absolute nightmares.

Or, what do I need to do to attract a nanny for that time slot? Is it a lost cause?

Slightly panicking as we can’t make the hours work between me and my husband.

Are you in the UK because your language isn't British English when talking about childcare and schooling.

If you are then your problems are a result of Brexit. This means there is a shortage of all sorts of childcarers whether you want a nanny, au pair, childminder or nursery worker.

Au pairs are normally young people who live as part of your family in exchange for doing up to 35 hours per week of childcare and some money. Some relations, friends and acquaintances use to have them but their children are all 10+ or even adults.

The problem is your son is under 5 so a childminder who hasn't had him before won't make a space for him due to the hours he needs and the ratios of children they can look after.

In regards to a nanny you want someone for a couple of hours after school to look after one child. It isn't cost effective for the nanny to solely look after your child.

This is why most parents use private nurseries, or a childminder (with possibly a nursery as well) rather than just a state school nursery as it enables you to work standard office hours.

As you have friends who use nannies your best chance is trying to do a nanny share with one of those where your son goes to that friend's house. You then pay the nanny extra for caring for your son.

I have recently just hired an after school nanny (3.5 hours per day, M-F) and it was MUCH easier than 18 months ago so I'd say keep looking. Cost of living etc means I think some people who don't want to work full time but need some cash are back in the market whereas before it was VERY slim pickings. I had lots of people contacting me and chasing up which was very different from before. It's not particularly cheap and I am in an attractive fairly easy to get to part of London which helps.

Are you in the UK because your language isn't British English when talking about childcare and schooling.
Er... yes it is British English. Everything she said made perfect sense in British English. Bizarre comment to make.

OP you're going to struggle. Au pairs usually come from overseas and I believe you usually find one via an agency, visa requirements are tricky now. Have you looked on Childcare.co.uk and gone through nanny agencies who place nannies with families to try and find someone? Those could be good avenues to pursue.

Yes, I am English. @Reugny I’m not sure what you found difficult to understand.

My friends who had au pairs do not live nearby, and they do not have au pairs any longer.

@FreeButtonBee - your experience gives me hope!

@BiscuitsandPuffin I’ve set up a profile on childcare.co.uk - had a few messages from someone but then she disappeared. I’ve also looked at “au pair world” but want to avoid paying for a subscription without knowing if it’s worth it.

I know that au pairs are more difficult to come by these days due to visas.

My eldest stats late at her independent primary, but many of the younger ones are collected by childminders. I'd recommend speaking to the other parents. Is there a Whatsapp group for the parents? If so, you might be able to get a space with a childminder that way.

Part time nannies are hard to find. You can try, but realistically there won't be many that only want after school hours. How roomy are your finances? We share a nanny with another family (we have her Mon-Wed, they have her Thurs-Sat). The other family are all now school age but they wanted to keep her for before and after school, taking them to hobbies etc. So for the last few years she acts as housekeeper during the day and is paid for those ours to do cleaning, shopping etc. Could you swing that kind of arrangement?

I think the poster asking if you were in the UK was alluding to your use of 'public' school which suggests a private school, and 'after school facility' as opposed to afterschool club. What you say makes perfect sense, but isn't common parlance.
EU aupairs no long exist as they did pre Brexit. You could potentially host a student. There is also an aupair exchange program for Aussies and kiwis. I can't remember the ins and outs but I'm sure the gov website will inform you.

Public schools are not state schools in the UK.

A public school is a fee paying independent school was historically open to anyone who could pay the fees e.g. Winchester.

Lots of people who were bought up mainly abroad get the two confused.

Likewise my DD and many other children I know go to "after school care" or "after school club".

Yes, the school to which my son’s nursery is attached is a UK public school.

This is my first and only child so apologies if I don’t have the after school lingo yet.

Our finances could stretch to a full time nanny/housekeeper but it would be a real stretch at the same time as the school fees. I could potentially up the hours Mon-Wed and tack on a couple of housekeeping hours a day. My husband and I could then juggle WFH for the remaining days. Food for thought!

And thanks for the tip re Aussie/Kiwi au pairs - I will do some research.

Try Koru kids. We used them when we no longer had room for au pair. They specialise in after school only.

OP - Public = fancy private, state = taxpayer funded. It’s not clear which your son attends. I thought you were American honestly so I can see the confusion from a PP.

Can’t you find a childminder rather than a nanny?

I said public school. His nursery is attached to a public school. A UK public school. Not sure why this is causing confusion. I wrote it in my OP.

A childminder would work if they could collect from nursery, which seems to be rare in our area for some reason.

Thanks, my husband has registered with this site but no luck as yet.

Why don't you just use a nanny instead of nursery? Do you need him in nursery to guarantee a place at the school?

Also a childminder might be worth looking into. Could he do couple of days a week in nursery & rest of time with nanny or childminder?

It's probably a long day for him & mixing with older kids is probably hard for him.

It doesn't make sense to pay a nanny full time on top of nursery.

We went with the school rather than nanny as we think it’s important for him to be with other children. Plus we do want to guarantee a place at pre-prep for him.

We thought he’d be fine with late stay, as previously he’d been in a nursery until 6.30pm every day. It’s the switch to being with the older children which is difficult for him.

I’m hoping that he will settle in and be happier with late stay eventually, so don’t want to take him out of school really. I guess we could reduce his days and mix with a childminder or nanny if that’s the only way we can do it.

It's because the term public school isn't often used, it's more often referred to as a private school.

In the UK public schools are a specific type of private school. It's a term that would usually apply exclusively to all boys secondary schools.

In America, public school means state school.

This is why people were asking are you American and he's at a state school or are you British and you're just using a slightly antiquated term for private school.

To answer you childcare question, au pairs are almost non-existent now. After-school nannies are difficult to find and even more difficult to keep.

A nanny share would be a good option for you if you can find one. Alternatively employing a full-time nanny-housekeeper could be a solution. Otherwise look for people for whom the job would appeal, maybe a student? Older person? Someone with their own child? Who can afford and would want to work three hours a day? Target those people.

What will you do in the school holidays?

Combining a nanny role with some housekeeping duties to increase the hours might make it more attractive.

Public school in Britain is a posh very expensive secondary school. If it's a free school it's called a state school

Brexit killed Au pairs apart from those from outside the EU, therefore it's much more competitive. But you sound like you will have lovely accommodation, need minimal hours, one child and are in London so very attractive to prospective Au Pairs so I would give it a go.
I know some people nanny share but not sure about in your circles?

Thanks @fewgoo. I’m not in London but am close ish, and in a lovely part of the world where there are lots of language schools.

The problem with a nanny share is that I don’t know anyone in my area, as we’ve just moved here. From what I can gather, a lot of the families at the school have one non-working or part-time working parent.

We went with the school rather than nanny as we think it’s important for him to be with other children. Plus we do want to guarantee a place at pre-prep for him.

I think a Nanny would be able to take him out and about to groups & things like gymnastics or swimming? I think lots of private schools are concerned about implications of paying tax & so I don't imagine they would turn you away in September.

I don't know why people are explaining what a public school is! Presumably you know the difference between state, private & public.

I do think being in childcare until 6.30 is a long day especially with the older ones arriving after school. I think you should go with a Nanny part of the week so he can chill in his own home a bit more.

I’m sorry if someone has already suggested this as I haven’t read the replies. But I think the website Koru Kids was set up for that - after school care. I haven’t used it, but have been advertised it!

Thanks my husband is looking at Koru Kids but hadn’t had any luck when I last spoke to him about it (we are like ships in the night at the moment).

Thanks for all of the useful advice!

I think perhaps I have expected too much of my son at this stage. He is so little. I suppose I always am just so impressed by his confidence and ability to get stuck in, I didn’t appreciate that he would find it difficult.

I found my nanny on childcare.co.uk but you have to be very pro active. I wrote a fairly detailed summary of my requirements and gave some details about what I wanted and messaged about 40 people. Make it personal if you can - use their names; say what you like about their CV/ad. Then review the messages that come back. I did this; did 4 phone interviews and 2 in person paid trial sessions for 2 hours and picked one. You can't wait for people to contact you. I screen via 'last logged in' on the app as they are generally people who are keen.

Thank you! This is very useful