How long to let someone hold newborn?

[coldtrees]

So my baby is two weeks old. We've had visits for the past week and tbh I just feel like I want to hold my baby! I'm so happy he's here and I love all of the love he's receiving but I can't help but want to snatch him back when someone is holding him. What's a fair amount of time to let somebody hold your newborn for?

None at all. You shouldn't feel oblidged.

Whatever you feel comfortable.
Although if someone has taken the trouble to visit, outside of MN there is an expectation they will get a cuddle with the new baby.

If it is upsetting you then, when they ask when they can come over, say you'd rather they left it until next week as you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment as you are adjusting to mother hood and have had quite a few visitors.

my children were held by others at a few hours old so I think it’s each to their own really

Sorry I've just realised how I've worded it! Of course I'm happy for visitors to have cuddles with him, I'm just asking how long you let them cuddle for before taking them back?

Oh I completely misread sorry! I think a few minutes is fine and then you can just take him back!

Not at all if you feel uncomfortable. Some babies just want their mum's at this age and some mums just want to hold their babies and that's more important than auntie Jane getting newborn cuddles. My ds1 would happily go to anyone but ds5 would be furious if he woke up and found himself being cuddled by someone who wasn't me or dh. I quite enjoyed being able to eat with both hands and sleep but the rest of the time I wanted to be holding my babies.

When you feel like it tbh! As soon as you get the urge to take him back, do it.

As long as you want !

As long as baby happy, person holding baby is happy and you are ok , then as long as you like .

It's important for babies to develop attachments with other meaningful people in your life . Ultimately your baby will then develop a secure attachment base.

I appreciate thats contentious because a lot of mumsnet is about protecting babies from evil mouth breathers because a "baby is not a toy" . They aren't a toy - which is exactly why being held by a safe meaningful other is so important for their brain and social development.

I really found second time around that I just didn’t do it as much. First time it was like a conveyor belt of visitors and I was already hormonal/sore/knackered etc and having the same conversation on repeat with each set of visitors (often multiple times per day) and I just felt like I had to offer them ‘a hold’ of my baby. I’d then sit there having to politely smile while my baby cried. Some people were sweet and instantly offered him back to me if he cried but others would really try to stop him crying, which only then made me feel awkward to swoop in and take him back.
My in-laws passed him about like an actual sack of potatoes. They had multiples holds each then passed him on again. I genuinely felt so cast aside, like I’d just grown and birthed this person for them to pass about. I even asked for him back (about 2 hours in) so I could feed him and they tried to take the bottle and do it themselves until I just about snapped.

Second time round I just haven’t offered sometimes. If she was sleeping or being fed or just quite happy with me I just haven’t asked if they ‘want a hold’. I’ve felt way better about it. My in-laws who we couldn’t get rid of are nowhere to be seen this time and were no help as soon as the baby passed the cute 6/7 week mark. You and baby are most important and you really shouldn’t do a single thing that makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy in anyway when you’re a new mum. These people can wait for their ‘shot’ at passing your baby about. Chances are if they’re a true friend or genuinely helpful family member then they’ll see baby loads as they grow up anyway, and if they’re not then it wasn’t worth you stressing yourself about when they were just going to disappear anyway!

@VWd thank you so much for this! I'm going to take this advice and try to stop feeling obliged to ask if people want to hold him. This is really what I needed to hear I think x

It was 4 weeks before anyone held my daughter due to lockdowns but it varied from a couple of minutes to one time when my mil sat and held her for an hour whilst I showered and had a lie down

As long as you need to do what you need to do but not so long that your arms feel empty x