Been in a blended family for almost 7 years now. I have 2 kids and my husband has 4. They have all been full time with us. No weekend breaks with any of the kids. At the time we all moved in together which was like 3 months after we were dating my kids were 13 and 5 and his kids were 11,8,2,2(twins).
I know that many people immediately see my situation with my hubby as one of convenience. Meaning I was his backup mom replacement for his kids and of course to take care of the household. I am not oblivious to this of course but I think I also used him for the sake of my kids and just to give them some sense of stable and father figure in their lives. I was not looking for a “daddy” for them I just wanted them to feel they were in some sort of normal family setting.
I went from 2 kids to 6 kids. The changing diapers and staying up with the twins was not easy but I am happy I came into their lives when I did as their mom abandoning them would of also caused trauma on them as it has for the other two. Aside from that they were very delayed in their development and I feel I helped a lot with being proactive and getting them the services they needed to advance and develop properly.
The twins were actually the easy compared to the two oldest ones. They made my life a bit difficult with their constant rejection, I was their punching bag for their mom leaving them and they made me and my kids feel like intruders. I tried for many years to make us be more united but all that came to a lot of disappointment and frustration. At least my two kids - now , 20 and 12 are close with the twins and it gives me some joy to see that part I did right. Also the fact that the twins are now fully aware that their mom left them and not because of their doing but it was all her choice to do so.
Almost 7 years living together and my husbands other 2 older kids, didn’t form a bond with my two kids, nor do they speak to each other besides the common courtesies of - hello, bye, GM and GN. It’s like his two kids are not even living in the same household one would think being that they are so clueless as to what’s happening in everyone else’s life. At this point I act the same way as them, I just stick to the hi and bye. I don’t cook for them and don’t include them in anything we do outside this house. We can be having family day outside by the pool but they only come outside to get food and leave.
I guess overall I could say I have a good blended family. It has not been easy to let go of my expectations and to accept that I would never form a bond with the other two and neither would they want to be with my own 2 kids but mentally I think I’m almost there. At least the twins and my kids have a good relationship. Also everyone is respectful to each other, there is no fighting ever and no name calling. For that I have been very grateful for not having to deal with that kind of turmoil.
I am grateful for my kids growing up in this blended family. They have learned what to avoid and what’s best for them once they get their own family. Also has made us 3 grow stronger as a family. They have matured faster than what I would have wanted but that’s life.
Blended families are not easy but are a blessing in many other ways. Our expectations just can’t be that high and demanding. We have to be more realistic and be thick skin with our emotions and more logical.
Best of luck to those blended family creations!!