Advice on how to get some sleep as an exclusively breastfeeding mum

[CAMU1]

My newborn is 3 weeks old, and the lack of sleep is really taking its toll. I know being sleep deprived is part of being a parent, but it’s getting to a point of constant headaches and dizziness due to lack of sleep.

I’m unable to nap during the day and ‘sleep when baby sleeps’ as she will only have contact naps. My partner is out of the house for work between 7am and 6pm, and I’m alone for the day - unfortunately I don’t have additional support/spare hands to cuddle baby while I go for a nap, so nighttime is my only sleep time.

I’d like some advice on how to fit in extra sleep - I know I must be doing something wrong, so here is a ‘typical evening’

6pm - husband comes home from work, we eat tea
7pm - feed baby (exclusively breastfed and not pumping as recommended by midwife, due to feeding issues when born. She takes about an hour to feed, she’s quite slow)
8pm - husband takes baby while I go for a shower and get ready for bed
9pm - watch tv/spend time with husband
10pm - change, feed, burp
12am - change, feed, burp
3am - change, feed, burp
6am - change, feed, burp
After this feed she is ‘awake’ so won’t go back to sleep in her cot. That’s when the day ‘starts’

Cosleeping for naps during the day.

Go to bed and sleep 7pm - 10pm when there are no feeds. You will see less of DH, that’s life, it’s survival mode right now.

Id be tempted to go to bed at 8, have dad bring baby to you for feed at ten, you go back to sleep, he settles baby.

At least you would get a couple of C. 90 min naps.

Go to bed when husband comes home from work after dinner.

Co sleep during the day for sure. And sacrifice the time with your partner in the evening just for now (it won’t be for long) - prioritise sleep as soon as the 7pm feed is done.

I go to bed about 7.30 when DH is home to look after baby for a couple of hours then he wakes me when baby needs feeding. We've just accepted that we will have more time together when baby is older but for now my sleep is a priority.

Mostly this is just life with a newborn, I'm afraid. I am not trying to sound flippant, sleep deprivation is horrible.

The only thing that stuck out to me is that you seem to be going to bed quite late - I was in bed for 8/8:30 at this stage!

Currently exclusively breastfeeding 5 week old. Go to bed earlier while DH watches baby. DH gets up earlier and takes baby from 6am for hour before he goes to work while you sleep, even better if he can get baby down for nap before he goes. The bigger issue is baby taking an hour to feed. Try an osteopath and breastfeeding charity to look at baby's latch and feeding speed, my baby feeds more like 15-30 mins. Even shortening feeding windows by 30 mins could give you an extra 2 hours sleep.

I was a lone parent and bf all my kids I slept fine but I coslept! Wouldn’t have been able to if I didn’t.

I think just getting your dh to hold baby as much as he can from when he gets home and trying to sleep as much as you can until he goes to bed is your best bet. I EBF both of mine and by the 6-8 week mark, they were giving me longer stretches at night (4 hours for my son and my daughter was giving me 6!). It transforms things getting those chunks of sleep, so hold in there, it's coming!

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I've been there and feel your pain. Sleep deprivation is unbearable and something you can't really imagine until you've been there...

Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do at the new born stage. I would suggest contact napping in your bed. You need to ensure you co sleeping safely, i.e., no duvets, lay (or sit up) in the middle of the bed. You might not get a proper nap, but some calm shut eye time might just help get you through the day. Rely on your partner as much as possible on an evening and get to bed earlier. I know it's awful not seeing your partner or getting any adult evening time, but right now, any sleep needs to be the priority. Hang in there, sleep is constantly developing and changing thing for babies it will get better and you'll look back on this and be amazed at yourself for getting through this.

Feed lying down- look at safer beds hating advice

Bloody hell bed sharing not hating 😂

What @FrancisSeaton said. Definitely look at feeding lying down or in different (safe positions) I EBF my dd , I did this and co slept , or I would have collapsed with exhaustion😆. Good luck x

Co-sleeping was the only way I survived it. Once you've set the bed up safely you don't need to think about it. They sleep for much longer when you're sleeping with them. DH said he would sometimes watch baby wake up when we were co-sleeping, hear me snoring and fall back to sleep. In the night they don't wake up fully to feed when you're next to them so they sleep, they latch on themselves even if you're sleeping/half asleep so neither of you wake fully and both of you get more quality sleep.

I had to sleep whenever DH was home even though it meant we didn't have time together as otherwise I would have passed out. I know it's not ideal but we took it as something that just needs to be done. And it's not forever.

Ebetyonr has already said it.....
Coslrep during the day maps.
Feed while lying in your side
Go to bed earlier on at least some nights.

It doesn't last long. DC4 is now 9 weeks and snoozing on her cot. Didn't hear a peep from her between 1an and 6am last night, which was blisss

Safe co-sleeping was the only way I managed it with one of mine. And definitely nap in the day with baby !

Cosleeping saved my sanity.

I also barely saw my husband in the early weeks/months. Any and all free time was wholly and unapologetically dedicated to sleep. It's not forever!

I co slept. I tried a cot for the first 6 weeks or so and then one night gave in. It helped that it was a very hot summer and our bed was free of all bedclothes anyway, but ever since then I co slept with every baby in all seasons and it was great. It took me a while to get used to not having a host of pillows but getting sleep was worth it.

What were the feeding issues? 1 hour is slow! Had she been checked for tongue tie?

(We also do safe co-sleeping and early to bed etc.)

At 3 weeks my daughter fed every 3h over night but with two changes of nappy a feed and holding her for at least 1h I got 45-60 minutes sleep per 3h cycle. I was at risk of accidental cosleeping during the 1h holding her so we made a decision to deliberately cosleep.

My partner left the house just after 5am so slept in the spare room overnight during the week but at the weekend he took her in the morning and allowed me to sleep until 10-11 bringing her for feeds and cuddles if necessary. We still do this now even though she is 3 as she can be up 1-4 times a night and she only accepts me at night and the night wake ups hit my partner harder than me but i find the early mornings a lot harder than my partner. Getting 2 days of good sleep made the week more bearable

Definitely co sleep

I did co-sleeping but couldn't really get to grips with feeding lying down but because you are alert to them stirring to feed you wake up before they are fully awake and you don't need to settle them back to sleep. The other benefit is that they shouldn't need to be changed for a dirty nappy because they don't wake fully. I used to have a nappy prepared by the bed so that I didn't have to get up, and it would be a quick wet one off, dry one on if needed.

Definitlely co-sleep during daytime naps.

It is hell though, and I remember wishing that 4 lots of 2 hours sleep was the same as one lot of 8 hours.

We co sleep and do side lying feeding. I barely have to wake.

Never change unless she's done a poo.