What do you do when your child says they want to kill themselves?

[Lucylou07]

TW!!!

He's just turned 7 and in year one at a mainstream school with a 1:1.

Not really sure what details to add so I guess people should ask questions.

I just never know what to do or say

What does he actually say? DS1 (ND) wanted the pain to stop and the feelings to go away. He tried jumping out of the window, cutting his wrists, strangling himself and running away. It's very hard. He was convinced that he didn't deserve to live and certainly not in a nice warm flat. He said he deserved to sleep on the street in the cold.

We spent a lot of time love bombing him and praising him. After his diagnosis it was easier and he got treatment which helped with the strong emotions.

Have you got any support? It was the worst time of my life (he was 7-9)

We've informed the school. His 1:1 is great. And they also provide pastoral support. That's literally it.

He says he feels he should be here any more and that he wants to kill himself. He says he can't help it but his brain tells him that.

The self harm is all quite "low level" currently. Things like pinching himself, punching, biting, hair pulling. But he always says it's with the intention to hurt himself

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You must be very worried. You are right to be and to take it seriously.

The Papyrus Charity has some very good resources and a helpline and will be able to advise you.

Sadly a lot of professionals may not know the right way to tackle this so please do reach out to suicide prevention charities.

He has not thought this up for himself, he has heard it somewhere else and is copying. Do you know where he has heard it from?

That would be my first concern, what malign influences there are in his life

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I haven't had this from my own child, so can barely guess how it must feel. But my best friend for years was suicidal and she told me the best thing anyone could say is: 'Please don't. because I love you and you matter so much to me and it would make me so sad because you are so important to me.'

Could you say something like that to him?

DS (also neurodiverse) had some very harsh self-talk raging in his brain. When he told me about it, I suggested chatting to his brain. You could say, You know when your brain tells you you don;t deserve to live? You need to have a little chat with it.

Help him work out how to do that. How to be his own best friend and gently challenge his brain to stop being so mean and be kinder. Ask him what the kindest brain in the world might say to him. What would you say to him. Discuss how to validate kind thoughts more than cruel ones.

Also chat about the future. Little chats like: what would be in your dream home? Or what would be your ideal pet. Or your superpower. Or what you;d do if you had a million pounds to spend on other people or one your self. What would be your favourite car or boat - there's a great children's picture book You Choose with loads of choices on each page and that sort of focus helps him redirect his thoughts towards things worth living for and aspiring to.

Casually ask his opinion on things and remind him of good things he did - do you remember when you patted that dog in the park and it wagged its tail - you made it so happy. Do you remember when I didn't know where my keys were but you found them? You are so observant! Lots of tiny things to reinforce what value he has to the world.

His media use is tightly controlled. No you tube. He watches only children's programmes and can't really read yet.

We are neuro affirming and positive about his autism (I'm autistic too) and we always talk to him about his strengths.

We generally are calm with him and we tell him often how loved he is. We tell him he is a kind brother etc.

It's strange because he's a happy boy. But he gets deregulated very quickly. His needs in school are quite profound and he gets a lot of support.

We also don't leave him with anyone else. He does have separation anxiety so he's either with me or at school.

Tha k you all for the tips and advice. I'm listening to everything and taking it all on board.