Period/puberty talk

[CutiePatooties]

I’m in need of some guidance/advice please…

DD1 (7 yo) has been SO stroppy and lots of mood swings lately. Has started with backchat and cries over the smallest things. I told DH I think these are signs of her periods coming soon as she’s completely emotional and highly strung and it’s just out of character. He said I was being silly as she’s only 7.

Last night before her bath, she got undressed and then came to me saying she’s got bogies on her front bum. I looked and there were two crusty yellow spots, so I wiped and there was clear discharge that wasn’t smelly. Bathed her and then bathed her again today and there was no crust or anything, so no signs of infection. I told DH I think periods are coming soon and this is another sign and he again told me she’s too young. I mentioned I want to get a picture book and talk to her about periods/puberty etc and he said it’s too early, she’s too young and if she goes into school talking about it to her class mates, they won’t be happy (as I asked her if she’s learnt about her changing body at school yet and she said no).

I’m not sure what to do??!! She’s always seen when I grab sanitary towels and from about 3 has called them ‘mummy’s nappies’ so she knows there are times I wear them, but I’ve never gone into detail as to why I wear them. I don’t want to leave it too late because I thought I was dying when my period started as no one told me about them, I went to the toilet and there was blood in my knickers and I had no idea why it was there (it was horrifying!) just want to make sure I get this right.

Has she other signs of puberty? E.g. breast buds, underarm/pubic hair?

It could just be discharge and in the absence of other signs of puberty her periods could be a long time away.

It's not too young to talk about periods/puberty in an age appropriate way. Better to be prepared than to be ignorant about body changes

Better to talk about it now than for her to have her first period with no idea what is happening to her. That would be scary.

As far as I'm concerned there is no such thing as too early, just be age appropriate and use the right words. Don't be euphemistic.

And if you did think there were signs of puberty then you should take her to the GP to see if it's precocious puberty which is early puberty that starts under the age of 8.

My daughter started her period 2 months after turning 8. I did have an inkling, she had underarm hair, pubic hair and sizable breasts and hips. I bought her a book, we went through it together.
It was a massive learning curve, but she dealt with it beautifully. I had to inform school so they could direct her to a toilet with a sani bin.

I did also ring the docs, they said from 8 it is within the normal ranges, early end obviously but still normal. I was asked if I wanted to delay periods for her which I declined.

general rule of thumb is it’s roughly two years from vaginal discharge starting to periods. So it may be a while yet.

i would expect other physical signs too.

word of warning- don’t automatically assume “mood swings” or emotional lability is hormones, and don’t tell her she’s overreacting or being silly.

she may have a real basis for the upset- school, bullying, general worries etc. the hormones may amplify it but the cause is often real. Be sympathetic and listen to her.

Crusty yellow spots are not a sign of puberty !? Either is discharge in a child that young. I think an urgent trip to your gp is needed especially coupled with her recent personality change .

Whether she is beginning puberty or not 7 is a great age to be having conversations about changing bodies.

She will have friends with big sisters who have their periods.

There are lots of great books on amazon and you can start chatting about this with her. It doesn't need to be a big sit down talk but something gradual over time.

She's not too young to talk about puberty. The discharge could be a very early sign but unless she's showing other signs it's unlikely periods will come for a while yet.

She is not too young to know how her body works. Get some children's science books that explain all the body systems in IE digestive, skeletal and reproductive, teach her how baby's are made in mammals and other animals, show her the journey of the egg from the ovary to the uterus - lots of good resources on youtube. Answer any questions she has factually.

There are no other signs of puberty. I’ll make an appointment with the GP tomorrow and in the meantime if anyone can recommend any age appropriate picture books that would be great.

I’ll also have a chat with her to see if anything is happening to cause the mood swings and emotional outbursts. I definitely don’t tell her she’s being silly or overreacting etc. She’s always been good with telling me what’s upsetting her, so I’d be surprised if something is happening at school and she’s not telling me. Certainly doesn’t mean that isn’t the case though, so I’ll do some digging just in case.

thank you everyone!

Mine knew about periods years before this - and my DGS, then 5, asked his mum if she had PMT when she was being a bit ratty. It is something our family just chat about in a matter of fact way - no embarrassment. Just talk with her - and with your OH - he sounds as bit strange on the subject.

It would be unusual for your DD to start as early as this, but the more she knows the better.

he said it’s too early, she’s too young and if she goes into school talking about it to her class mates, they won’t be happy

Your husband is being ridiculous

Perfectly reasonable to talk about it at this age. However, I’d have thought very unlikely to be imminent, that’s the final stage of puberty usually several years after everything else. My dd (10.5) is 2.5 years in and still no sign, she has all the other signs and has done for at least 1.5 years but we’re still expecting her to grow a bit more before they start (usually, girls only have c. 5cm growth remaining after starting periods which is also an indicator, but this won’t apply to everyone I guess. A lot of sources also think they need to weigh at least 7st but I think that’s unconfirmed)

Agree with a PP, whether it's puberty coming or not, start talking about it. The best way is to not make a big deal about it and have "the big talk" but just gradually introduce them to it. (My DC's primary school was great at this, having "sex ed" every year from reception, but that meant starting with butterflies and frogspawn, moving onto talking about healthy bodies, physical differences between sexes, before having the "big talk" in Y5 and in Y6 having it again but also talking about body image etc.) Really surprised that by 7 she hasn't asked you about why you need sanitary towels though, as that's a great way into the conversation, in an age appropriate way of course!

You grow girl by Dr Zoe Williams is a good book, my 9 year old was keen to read it and it kickstarted deeper conversation.

She has pubic hair, has awful mood swings, needs to wash her hair more frequently, and needs to use deodorant now.

I don't think we're massive close to period, but I did buy some 'teen' sanitary towels so they are in the house and she's used to the idea, and spoken about how when it does start we'll order period pants and swimwear for her.

She will come to me every now and then to discuss the changes in her body.

I think the key is to be open, regardless of age.

Sr Emily's book is good.

Crusty yellow spots doesn't sound like puberty / impending periods.

Oh sorry, when I say spots I don’t mean spots that are attached to her skin. They wiped off, along with some discharge so it was dried yellow discharge basically. It was completely odourless and there was no redness/irritation and she said it wasn’t itchy down there so I just assumed the discharge had come out in the morning and dried by the time I gave her a bath at night. Could be wrong though, so I’ll get her checked.

@aperolspritzbasicbitch You’ve reminded me that’s another thing with the hair washing. I’ve been washing her hair once a week but for the past couple of months I’ve noticed it gets greasy mid-week so she has two hair washes now.

I love all of your advice - thank you so much! Thanks also for the recommendation.

I looked the Zoe Williams book up on Amazon to see if it might be helpful as I have a similar aged dd. I havent read it, however, I always look at the reviews and from these it seems breast binders are discussed. Massive red flag. I wouldn't go near anything that puts this idea in a child's mind. There must be something better that promotes acceptance of their changing bodies, not putting up an idea that is damaging. 😡

I think at 7 you're probably one of the later parents to have a talk- she will have learnt about changing bodies in school - is she y3? Get a good book about it all abd I find little abd often rather than a big serious talk. At 7 she should know the names of her body parts- usually taught age4-5 so not front bottom etc . Also she's a little old for the' mummy's nappies' I think that's maybe appropriate toddler talk.

@Beansandcheesearegood thank you so much, this all really helps me. She’s in year 2, but so helpful to know that I need to use more age appropriate language. I’ll steer clear of a ‘big talk’ and just drop in bits here and there.

Talk to her and be prepared. My DD started her periods at 8. There were zero warning signs in a physical sense but she did have a massive personality transplant and was horrible, stroppy and angry. I hadn't had the talk because it hadn't even crossed my mind at that age. I was nearly 14 before I started my periods. It was a huge shock and was traumatic for her. So I vote deal with it now.

She's definitely not too young to know about how her body works..
Also She's not too young to know it's called a vagina and not a front bum.
My daughters knew the correct terms from being younger and my Grandsons always said Penis.