Nightmare bedtime - 8 months

[Daisydaisy1234]

My 8 month old boy is just an absolute nightmare at bedtime. He has had a consistent bedtime since he was born - bath (which he loves and is very happy) changed in to PJs (lots of tears) and bottle (loves and is happy again). We then put him in his cot and he seems ok for about 5 minutes, rubbing his blanket and generally chilling. However after about 5 minutes he starts crying, and then begins about an hour of nightmare screaming before he (I guess) passes out with exhaustion.

We have tried massage, white noise, cuddling, leaving him to cry for 5 minutes, calpol in case its teeth, earlier bedtime, later bedtime, longer wake period, short wake period.

We do occasionally have a streak of good nights, most recently 3 nights ago we had a streak of 6 good peaceful nights where he just drifted off happily, so I don’t think he has made a negative association with his cot. He also naps in there ok-ish in the day although of course prefers contact naps.

I’m at my wits end. He hates it so much and its so stressful for the whole house. It doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Is it just a phase?

Has anyone else experienced similar?

would anyone recommend sleep training (and if so, who?)

thank you!

Following as I could’ve written this about my 9 month old son.

I’m shattered! Does he wake in the night?

Hi @Daisydaisy1234

Going to follow this with interest. My 7 month old DD is virtually the same as you’ve just described. Prefers contact naps but have started breaking the cycle by only having her nap in her cot. We also tried earlier and later bed times, shorter and longer awake windows but we hadn’t seen an awful lot of change. We use a pink noise machine too. Currently getting DD used to associating the noise machine with going down in her cot and to sleep. Slowly we think it’s starting to work, however, at first the first 1-2 hours after going down she would wake and need re-settling 4-5 times and from 2am in the morning she can wake every 20 mins or so. One thing we have found that is making a slight improvement though is not giving her a bottle before bed to go to sleep. She has her last bottle around 5pm before her dinner and bath. She does then wake in the night for a feed but will then go back off to sleep quite easily and sleep more solidly. Honestly though, I really sympathize as there are days I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to manage with the sleep deprivation. Currently in a phase of trial and error to see what make or may not work. Hopefully someone may come along with some advice that may work for us! 🙏😅

He does! He used to be pretty good, perhaps one or two wake ups but for the last two months it’s been about 5 times before midnight and then awake at 3.30/4ish every half hour or an hour! I’m shattered. Praying it gets better for you! 🙏 hopefully just a phase and they will be doing 7-7 before we know it!

I have had similar with my 11mo although he wouldn't even go in his cot at all. Just started some gentle sleep training with https://www.goodnightbaby.co.uk/ and he is doing really well so far - hope this helps.

Thank you! That’s interesting, I’ve always been reluctant to drop that bedtime bottle because I wonder if it signals to him it’s sleep time, but I’ll give it a go! Fingers crossed we have super snoozers soon 🥴🥴

Sleep training would allow him to soothe himself to sleep and also give you the benefit of a good night's sleep.

Crying for an hour is no good for anyone.

I think people think it's quite controversial but it's critical that he learns that sleep is a good thing!

I should add that we did the Ferber Method to the letter and it worked beautifully.

Thank you so much! Will definitely look in it. Really happy (and jealous 😂) to hear you’re getting some sleep - long may it last!

Thank you! Will deff look in to this, I’m certainly not against sleep training but I feel like we’ve already gone past “cry it out” and it just hasn’t worked 😂 fingers crossed!

I feel your pain, ours was like that around that age. It was gruelling. One of us would be doing bedtime, the other downstairs listening to the screams waiting for the inevitable WhatsApp saying “help I can’t take it anymore! Please take over!”.

All I can say is that it passes. Good luck x

After getting to a point where it was taking longer to get our DS to sleep than he was actually sleeping we decided to go down the Ferber route. First night it took 3 hours of checking in before he fell asleep, morning nap the next day was 30 minutes, late morning nap was 10 minutes, afternoon nap he went straight to sleep and he has been a champion sleeper (mostly) since then. He's 7 months old now and has slept from 6:30pm - 7am pretty consistently for over a month. I am sure there was a bit of luck thrown in there and he was a good sleeper waiting to come out, but the Ferber route definitely brought it out of him.
Other unexpected side effect is that he doesn't cry when he wakes up now... Just chills in his cot and gives us a yell to let us know he's awake.
Also might be worth keeping up with all the sleep associations you've been doing. They definitely pick up on the associations, I used to sing him just about any song I knew the lyrics to to try and get him to sleep on those long nights and now if I sing 'Video Games' by Lana Del Rey he'll drop off to sleep. And no... my voice in not good... awful in fact 😂
The loony things we do to get our little ones to sleep, hey!...

I personally think sleep training is cruel and teaches your baby not to rely on you so I'm maybe not the best person to answer if you're going that way, but I would try a gentle sleep association. With my baby girl we do a special song, my husband gives her a cuddle, she does sometimes have a pre sleep cry, but then a calm breastfeed to sleep. Couldn't he bottle feed to sleep? It's perfectly normal and natural for babies to want to be cuddled and fed to sleep. Or is that already happening and he's crying anyway?

Also any chance he's not actually tired enough at the time you're trying to put him down?

Hey ladies, hope everyone is doing well and getting a little more sleep! Just wanted to say that we’ve been doing the Ferber method and it has worked a charm so far. It’s like he’s now learned that bed is for sleeping 😍 it was very gentle, you only leave them crying for 3 minutes on the first day and after that he never made it past the first resettling, he was happy just laying there until he drifted off, no crying! He is much happier in the day because he’s so less cranky! Now when we put him down he’s asleep within a few minutes. Really recommend reading Dr Ferbers book Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems - even if you’re not interested in sleep training it’s been so helpful to learn about how babies sleep. Xx