Visitors stressing me out!

[Lottsiu]

And I haven’t even had DC2 yet ! Just the thought and memory of visiting from last time is stressing me

Due to have my ELCS next Monday so it’s looming

i have a 2yo DS and I just want this transition to be as easy and happy for him as possible and to make it so he loves his new baby sibling and doesn’t end up resenting them or me!

I want to enjoy the newborn bubble and not have to host people we barely see (friends erc(

close family is different, they don’t act like guests if that makes sense

I only have 3 friends and I’m sure they’d understand if I asked could they wait 2-3 weeks to meet baby

DH has friends and partners and they’re all lovely but yea last time some came round and they don’t like dogs, but we have one. So sat looking visibly un comfortable as our energetic and loving dog wanted to sit next to them
and again you can dislike dogs but this is our dogs home too and you’re visiting our newborn - it just made the whole visit awkward and I felt so tense!

I suggested DS go to my mum and dad now and then for these friend visit, as he doesn’t see these people and is in ‘stranger danger’ mode atm and gets nervous around people he doesn’t really jnow

DH says “aw but people will want to see him”
without sounding like a bitch, these people never ask about him or see him , in 2 years they’ve seen him less than a handful of times. So I don’t really want to hear that

and I also don’t want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home? And see loads of people come and fawn over a newborn which could lead to upset and jealousy

how do I handle this please I really want 2-3 weeks to enjoy our new baby and adjust as a family of 4 (5 including our dog hehe)

but feel like I can’t put this in place / people will get annoyed

Is there a way you can somewhat indirectly make the statement of what you want if you’re uncomfortable with the confrontational side of it?

When we were close to having our baby last year, I posted on Facebook under the guise of “letting everyone know collectively so I didn’t have to send a million texts” 😂 I tagged my husband too so everyone on his side saw it and it basically stated what we did and didn’t want happening. So for us it was: don’t announce baby’s arrival before we do, we aren’t posting pictures of our baby online so don’t want anyone else doing so either, no unannounced visitors to the house at random hours as we would be tired and busy (so just plan visits with us ahead of time), no kissing the baby, etc. Any boundaries or “rules” we had I just put on my post so everyone knew! Could you do something similar so that you let people know you’ll be taking a few weeks to enjoy your baby bubble? Or if you’re not on Facebook, you could send it as a text stating that you’re sending it to “everyone important to you” or even group text on WhatsApp or something similar!

Edit just to add some bits: you could word it something like “With baby’s arrival being close, we just wanted to let everyone know that this time around we won’t be visiting or accepting visitors immediately. We want to take the time to adjust to our new life as a family of four (five if you include our dog!), we’d like to spend our first couple of weeks getting used to our new normal, getting into a new routine and bonding together as a family. We appreciate everyone’s excitement but please understand that it is not personal, we will let everyone know when we are ready for visitors!”
then just arrange visits privately with the people that you actually want to come in the first few weeks 😊

I had twins when my oldest was 1. I also remembered the constant visitors the first time and it was horrendous. I passed on a message through close friends and family that we would only see grandparents in those early weeks while we recover/settle in. I don’t regret it one bit and made for a much easier time. I kept my toddler in his routine and I didn’t have to worry about having enough biscuits or lunch things in.

Yeah I think it’s how I deliver the message just need to deliver it gently

bht this is what I want. Time to enjoy my newborn - not worrying about a tidy house an having food in for them. Keeping my son in his routine and not have him just sat in bored while people come just to see a newborn (and don’t bother after that - exactly like with him!!)

Wait until baby is born and then when they message or call, just say how things are and that you'll let them know when you're ready for visitors. I had a harder birth with my second than my first and wasn't up for visitors, and that's what we need. No one questioned it.

I found nobody was as interested in my second as my first.

I was a lot firmer. If people asked to visit, I said ‘yes when we are ready for visitors I’ll let you know! Enjoying our little bubble right now’ and that was enough.

I'm feeling the same!
Don't want my DS after school/night to be harder than it is or needs to be. As you say they have a newborn to get used to.

I feel a lot firmer and happier to voice what I want this time round, I would constantly say yes last time.

I'm going along the lines of we don't want visitors after x time so 'Tommy' can have some time with baby and to wind down.
If people text to visit I'll say yes by all means but at a time that suits that us this time, not them.

I would never feel entitled to visit a woman postpartum especially if the husband was my main friend. If they're annoyed it's their problem. You need to heal from surgery and will have your leaking boobs out and be bleeding and barely have time to wash your hair at this time. If DH talks about inviting anyone over you say 'not yet- you can take baby and intro baby over zoom to them though'

Just say no visitors. We didn’t see anyone for three weeks after DS was born. Everyone survived. It’s not like the baby goes stale unless you see it within three days of birth.

Thank you for the tips :) I really do need to stand my ground more as last time people pleasing affected me a lot

And yep DH said “aw people like to see. A newborn” to which I reminded him the newborn status doesn’t expire after a week or two. And also I don’t really care , my point is the people I’m talking about just want to see a newborn then aren’t in our children’s lives so I will personally not rush to host them so they can see her just after she’s born!!

You just have to learn to say no. My sister did this. She also said wash your hands before touching my baby. She said its my baby and the only one I'm ever going to have so I'm doing it my way.