Impossible 3 year old

[DseMd]

My 3 and half year old has been absolutely impossible! So much so I can’t even bare to be in the same house. The problem is he is extremely strong willed I’ve never seen anything like it and it is always worse when it’s just me and him. I’m talking about tantrums, going on the floor, kicking and screaming (when I say no), intentionally spilling drinks (because he thinks it’s funny) and doing other things to push boundaries.

I always remain cool calm and collected but he just won’t STOP. It’s wild I feel like I have an animal for a child sometimes. I give him warnings, time-outs and set boundaries so when there’s bad behaviour we stop doing nice things. This has been going on for a few months now. Friends of mine who have daughters seem to be having a completely different experience to mine and I won’t lie and say I’m not a little jealous. I know they are just kids but can’t help but feel I’m failing as a parent.

Anyone else got a strong willed toddler? Also does it get any easier - frightened by what the future holds.

Does he go to childcare @DseMd and how is he there? Have they raised any concerns?

DS was the same at that age (now 5.5). We had moderate success with various approaches, but time -outs never worked for us:

1. When he's rolling on the floor screaming, throw cuddly toys at him until he stops
2. Tell him you only want to see Mummy's nice boy and you're going into another room until he comes back
3. Confiscation of favourite toys
4. Withholding desserts and treats

It does get easier. I promise.

I would stop time outs,do time ins.i would get him involved in writing the family rules,make a list of clear rules you want and put it in the wall,even without being able to read they are a great visual reminder that's not coming from you but a distinct expectation for the family.point to them when he is not following them and say what you expect rather than what not to do.make them simple eh no hitting etc

Hang in there, sounds pretty standard for a three year old. Kids act out more with parents because they know we love them enough to put up with it

This is horrible advice, sorry.

Agree, don't do this. What does it even mean, 'Mummy's nice boy'?!

Remember all behaviour is communication of a need still, it just gets tricky to identify the need! My 3.5yo is similar sounding at the moment and for mine it's attention and connection. Mine threw half our entire family meal on the floor last week so it had to be binned.

We've got a lot on our figurative plates right now, both me and DH, so we're stretched thin and DC tantrums are heightened when we're so busy and less attentive.

Ridiculous amounts of praise for even the slightest thing the rest of the time and distraction/ redirection when things start to turn.

It's another phase I keep telling myself!!

Yes he does, he’s been in nursery since the age of two. He is pretty good however he does have difficulty with being told to do something. Including changing and to participate in certain activities.

He has gotten much better now and it’s a lot less frequent! He just acts quite different at home even though we adopt similar practices and activities.

Thanks for this makes me feel much better, I only have the one child so sometimes it’s hard to know whether this is standard behaviour for some little ones!

This is horrific, especially the first suggestion. What on earth is wrong with you?

I completely understand OP. My DD turned into a completely other person when she turned 3. It was so hard and I found it so difficult. The main thing is to try to not react or let them see how angry and desperate you are. I found the below links helpful. My DD returned to her lovely self just before turning 4. Stay strong, its just the threenager year, nothing that you have done has caused this!

https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/threenager/

www.instagram.com/dr.siggie?igsh=MTByZXU0dG8xOTQ0cg==

Absolutely normal. Two out of my three boys have been like this, it gets better!

My DS2 was a wild strong-willed toddler. He's now an absolutely lovely 14yo - kind, sociable, works hard at school. Hang in there OP!

Completely understand as I have a 3.5yo whom I thought was the most strong-willed boy in the UK but it sounds like your son is competing for for that title!

For what it's worth I don't find that warnings / time-outs or other forms of "discipline" work at all at this age and for this temperament. My son is super confident but also very sensitive (that may apply to your son also) and any form of rejection or punishment backfires. He's not old enough to sit in a timeout and reflect on his behaviour meaningfully, and would only see it as rejection and feel wounded and pushed away by me which I don't want and isn't constructive. Also it's just an opportunity to run away and then things would escalate.

If he pushes a boundary eg throws a cup, I'll get down on his level and say we don't throw cups" in a most passive and almost bored way. Usually if he does something like that it's because he wants attention. I don't give him any "energy" with that sort of behaviour but then as soon as he behaves well / normally I give him lots of smiley attention.

I try to use humour a LOT (even when not feeling it) and be silly and entertain him with whatever I can see available and put all my energy into the silly funny stuff. Generally I've found he won't do "naughty" things if we've had a fun time and then will settle into playing something in his own quite happily and nicely so I can get on with stuff. But I have to invest time and attend film into him at first - iyswim.

These things I've found helped for me when I was at my wits end!

100% agree, horrible advice. It teaches the child that their feelings are unimportant.

Mine was pretty horrible until about the age of 6. (In response to "No you can't have a second ice cream " - "I am going to wait until you are asleep and saw off your legs!"). He is a lovely teenager now, still strong willed and stroppy but kind and considerate. I would say choose your battles very wisely. And when you think that the behaviour is way too stubborn ask yourself a question "Is my child a chip from the old block?" I find it's often the case and then it's really not the child's fault is it? There's also an excellent book on Amazon How to Talk to Children so that They Listen and Listen so that They Talk. I hope it helps

@2mummies1baby

I assumed she meant it as a distraction from whatever's making him upset? In the same way that if my son (also 3) was having a strop on the floor I might toss his favourite play blanket over him which would make him giggle and stop the strop.

You need to read the advice in its entirety, not clutch at one sentence taken out of context

Further to the earlier post... Kwasi's method works to stop the child from misbehaving by ignoring their feelings (whether justified or not), threat (of withdrawing their only known source of comfort and protection), manipulation ("Mummy only wants to see a nice boy") and punishment (withholding treats and desserts). This method always backfires in the end. If the child doesn't rebel as a teenager they are at risk of life long poor mental health. Children are humans and humans have feelings which need to be humanely dealt with

Our almost 4 had 2 months of being a nightmare lol then it burnt out

I would love to believe that, but in the context of the other advice given by the same poster, I suspect not.