Is it normal to feel like this?

[testy1997]

I don't want to leave my baby with anyone at all and it's not because I don't want the break but I just get extreme anxiety that she will be fussy and then the carer will not be able to cope and then give her back.

I have had lots of offers of help but I just cannot take them. Even from my husband. My worry is that he will then realise how difficult she is and feel depressed like me too!

Any advice on how to build upto this?

Hi! It can be quite normal to feel like this - how old is your baby?

How old is your baby? I didn’t leave mine with anyone apart from DH until she was 13 months which I think is entirely normal.

Age is important here

By the time they get to aged 3/4 you usually don't mind leaving them with someone else

She is 6 months. I have a toddler and never felt this way about her. I just don't want to leave her but not because I want to be glued to her side IYSWIM

I didn't want to leave my first until he was about 1, but more because I was anxious he'd be sad!

I appreciate you have different reasons, but I honestly think you just need to bite the bullet and do it.

Organise something relaxing or fun. For me, it was tough but I was glad I did it and each time was easier.

By 6 months, you're owed a break!!

That sounds a bit like PPD @testy1997
I’d start leaving her with DH and see how that goes, why do you think he can’t manage? Why does it matter if he thinks she is “difficult”?

I was EBF so didn’t leave DD much before 6 months but did have to see my horse and couldn’t always take her with me, so DH had to manage for an hour or so. I hated leaving her but had to so we got on with it.

From 6 months we managed it that he had her over meal times so was more distracted.

I never left my children with anyone as babies as I was EBF so didn’t leave them until they were around 2. Don’t think it’s unusual tbh

Mine was EBF to 26 months but still went to nursery 4 days from 13 months. They don’t feed that much after 1.
But agree that there’s nothing wrong with not leaving them either.

Personal preference

Ops baby is 6m anyway was just pointing out that I didn’t leave mine till they was 2 because I didn’t want to 🤷‍♀️ no judgement on anyone else..

Hiya,

My LO is 6 months old too and I’m exactly the same. He’s such a happy little thing and I work very hard to make sure he has ample opportunity to nap, is fed on time and is stimulated and I also worry that if I leave him with anybody (even DH) that they don’t take any of that as seriously as I do….or that they don’t know what he wants if he starts to fuss and he will end up unnecessarily upset so I totally get it.

now…..having said that…..about 4 hours ago I nearly cut my finger off and had no choice but to leave him to go to hospital….he was left with DH who although capable….does everything under direction, feeding and sleep times etc….he always asks before he does anything and lacks a bit of initiative.

While I was out LO went down for his sleep late, and ate late….but I came home to smiles and the world didn’t end…..cant say I’d be in a hurry to leave him that long again but I do envy friends who leave their LOs with relatives just for a few hours and seem to be able to relax about it.

Id like to strike a balance but don’t feel able to right now. I do empathise. I have just started to do little things out of the house alone (mainly appointments etc) and found if I timed it so I left the house as he went down for a nap my DH would get 45 mins or so where there wasn’t anything to do and then maybe just a bottle and a bit of play by the time I was back. I intend to just build on that really. It is hard though, I trust everybody that offers help completely but still can’t hand him over….

Thanks everyone and thanks @Thelazygardener - hope your finger is ok!

I feel exactly this way except not with my partner (although i do stress out that he will be stressed out if our daughter is upset or being fussy) more with other people like her grandparents or the nursery or my friend (who is a qualified nanny) who is supposed to start babysitting for us once a week. Its like the stress of thinking others wont be able to cope and wont want to look after them is more than the stress of being apart from them :(

@Joeylove88 this is exactly how I feel!

I think you should work on leaving her with dad, even if it is just small bits of time and you build up. Otherwise he is not getting an opportunity to step up as a parent. It sounds like you are protecting him because you are finding it tough, but his experience of looking after her for an hour will likely be quite different, and even if it is difficult, he should be sharing the load as dad.

Other people I understand not wanting to leave her. I personally started leaving mine at 6m with my mum, who is great with kids, just for an hour initially. I didn't like it at first but it allowed me to do things e.g. go to an exercise class or pop to the shops alone. You don't have to, but a break might do you good if you allude to feeling depressed.

I could have written this thread myself @testy1997 - I have a daughter who is also 6 months old and I find it difficult to leave her with other people (except my husband).
Like @Thelazygardener, I worry that others won't take her nap schedules seriously and then my daughter will return home very over tired.
I am actually letting my mum have my daughter for a few hours at the end of this week as I feel I need to re-charge my batteries as my daughter is currently teething/going through a screaming phase and I just need a break so I saw it as a good opportunity for my mum to take her for an afternoon.
There is no doubt I will be spending those few hours missing her. I am anxious as we have a good nap routine at home and I know she is better in her own environment as she does get fussy when with different people who aren't me or my husband but I do think my mum taking her for a few hours will do me and my daughter some good. My daughter also starts nursery in a few months - it will be difficult to let go but I am hoping she enjoys it.

OP - I do sympathise with how you are feeling - I think your first step is to leave your little one with your husband before you leave her with anyone else. You sound like you really need the break - why not start off small and let your husband bath your little one on his own or let him take little one for a short walk.

All the best x