Potty Training - We seem to be going backwards!

[sunshinecitrus1]

I feel like I am losing my mind with potty training!

My toddler is 29 months old and has been giving signs for a while that he is ready for potty training so we thought we’d give it a go.

He has been running around commando since Thursday. On the first few days, I felt like there was progress… Every time he weed on the floor, I’d try and get him to the potty mid wee. I’ve lost track how many times I’ve said “you weed on the floor, wee should be in the potty!” I’d then clean it up and be done with it until the next time. We had a few wees in the potty and made a big deal out of it every time and praised him with lots of hi-5’s and flushed it away in the “big toilet”.

We are now on Day 6 and I am feeling really deflated. We are at a stage where he says “wee”, sprints over to the potty, sits on it for literally a second and then gets back up and wees absolutely everywhere! I try and encourage him to sit on the potty for a little longer, he won’t have any of it… And when I do manage it by reading books or other activities, we rarely get a wee… And then he gets up and wees on the floor!

He’s also had a few poos over the last 6 days, the first 2 I managed to catch into the potty (he poos standing up, not yet sat on the potty to do one) and we praised him loads and again, flushed it away in the big toilet. The last couple of days he has been quite constipated and has cried after the last two. You can tell before he goes that it is causing him stress and he is worried about going as he frantically runs back and forwards. I know constipation is common at the beginning but obviously this is adding to his resistance as well because I’m guessing it isn’t exactly comfortable going right now.

He’s resisting and I’m not quite sure why the setback. I have been as calm and patient as I can, tried everything to make it “fun”, maybe I’ve put him under too much pressure over the last few days… I think sometimes we don’t realise the pressure we put our little ones under. The fact he says wee and runs to the potty I know that he has made that connection but he hasn’t connected the dots with sitting there waiting for the wee yet. I am going to continue until Friday so that we’ve done a good full week and if no progress, I think it’s time to stop and come back to it again at another time.

I am not expecting anyone to find me a solution as I know every child is different but your own experiences are welcome and anyone that is in the same boat… I’d love to hear from you as I have cabin fever being stuck in the house for days, it will be nice to know I’m not alone!

We started on Thursday too and I could've written your post. The jack in a box sitting on the potty for wee is driving me mad, but I'm trying to be patient - it's all so new to him...and me!

@pleasemumcanihave Thanks so much for your reply, I’m pleased to hear I am not alone in this but my god it’s frustrating isn’t it! So is your little one doing the same? Sitting there for a second and then getting up and weeing? Literally don’t know how to encourage any more than I am without pressuring too much and making him resist further!

Hi! Potty training can indeed be a challenging time for you both. You should try making it fun somehow. You might try using some incentives like stickers or a small reward when he successfully uses the potty. You might even let him flush the toilet or choose a special soap for washing hands after each attempt.
Wish you good luck and lots of patience!

That sounds intense and maybe overwhelming?

We did very gradual potty training starting with an hour at a time and building up. Getting her to sit on the potty with a bit of TV helped to get her to sit on it for more than a nanosecond. We only needed to do this for a couple of days for 20 minutes each day.

I think maybe you need a different phrase for misses. Or a few to stop yourself going loopy and to stop a single phrase becoming redundant from being said endlessly. I get bored of saying certain phrases and my daughter gets bored of hearing them so stops hearing them they become background noise. I had a mix of "oh dear, shall we have a sit on the potty" or "don't worry mummy will clean it up, whilst i do that do you want to pop on the potty"

We did praised the results more than the act of " that looks a good wee/big wee/ clear wee" even 6 months on but it does get us to have a chat about if she needs another drink or praise you must have had lots to drink today you have perfect colour wee. My daughter shrinks away from over the top praise and this slightly more gentle way of doing it works better with the occasional bit of big praise now and then when she has made another jump in what she can do. So the first time she took herself completely on her own or if she had gone a while without a poo on the potty. Make those high praises mean something otherwise it goes to background noise.

Yep, he has his favourite nursery rhymes so I attempt to get him to sit for a verse. Mixed success. I let him show his toy how to use the potty if he's in the zone but jumping around - he just looks at me like he knows what I'm up to. Sometimes I tell him it's time for the potty but he's adamant that he doesn't need to go, does the jack in a box sit for a second thing and the next second he has an accident. So frustrating. He gets to choose a chocolate button or a sticker for a successful poo or wee. We're following "oh crap" and definitely mixing block 1 and 2. He seems to have more success when he's naked but that can't last forever!

This was a few years ago so memory is getting a bit fuzzy on the details but we definitely started with a timer set for 20 minutes and rewarded with a chocolate button if he did a wee. Iirc the intention was to up it to 30 minutes then 40 etc between wees but he started taking himself so we dropped the timer and just gave him a chocolate button when he went for a wee by himself.

We only ever had one poo on the floor so I don't really have anything you could try there but as you've said, trial and error and what works for one won't necessarily work for another. If it's getting too much then just sack it off for a few weeks then try again. Good luck 🍀

Stick him back in a nappy for a bit. Sounds like he's nearly ready, but not quite.

@pleasemumcanihave I have been following oh crap as well, I was feeling really positive before I started it as the first few days went well and it was all making sense. But then I never felt like we got to the block two stage. I know if I put him in pants he would literally just wet through them… So I’m kind of just questioning it all now. The book is good but doesn’t cover much about when a child is resisting, I’ve realised since starting the potty training with my toddler, it is a very intense method, or it feels it at least! I guess everyone’s methods are different and what works for some children, don’t for others… It’s so hard!

@Annimousey @Superscientist @TeddyBeans @Mabelface thanks for your replies! x

I read one book from the library didn't like it so said sod it and winged it! We did an unconventional route in that we gradually introduced over weeks and weeks until we felt we were all ready to take the plunge but it worked for my daughter. With every milestone she has done something once or twice then held off until she had it completely mastered we stumbled on a way that allowed her to sort of do this with her potty training but we didn't intend to do that.

Matching a method to your and the little ones temperament makes a difference in my opinion.

Sunshinecitrus1 how did your day go today? Ours has been literally hit and miss. I've been reading everyone's replies too, thanks, really helpful.

Personally I think these "potty train your child in just three days!" methods have a lot to answer for as they just cause stress and angst! I know that some children can just grasp it in three days, but the reality is often quite different. My eldest took six months. It was horrible, proper tear your hair out stuff, but then it clicked and zero accidents ever since. I know other children who've taken similar periods. My advice is strap in for the long haul!

@pleasemumcanihave Morning! We have decided to put a pause on the potty training as things were just getting worse each day. To the point where even when I said the word “potty” he would kick off 😣 I agree with @Superscientist, I think I have said the same thing so many times to try and encourage him to go on the potty and now it just means nothing to him. He has actually just switched off from what I’m trying to teach him and isn’t even attempting to run to the potty now… So I don’t feel there will be any progress made if we keep going. A break is definitely needed for us all and I don’t feel that things should be feeling this intense for us. I’m glad I tried the “oh crap” method but until you start doing it, you don’t know if it’s a way that will suit your child. I have been feeling really deflated about stopping but my instincts are telling me to do this. I think next time we approach this, it has to be a very gradual subtle way in order to suit my son so the positive I can take away from this is I now know the appropriate way to approach it next time. How is it going for you @pleasemumcanihave ?

Oh I'm sorry, that sounds rough. And sounds like a break is a good idea for both of you. Things are still a mixed bag here. He was at nursery yesterday and came home in the same trousers he went in with no accidents, but they seem to work some kind of magic over there in general. They take him to the loo regularly but he doesn't tell them he needs the potty, which is the same at home, he's just insistent he doesn't need the potty but will go for them. He tends to get so absorbed whatever he's doing that he forgets or doesn't want to leave it and has a little tantrum, which I think is just part of being 2.5 and learning a new skill. Someone said something about changing the "script" so I'll give that a go, that was helpful. He did a poo in the bath last night and then got out to finish on the potty so I do think he's getting it, maybe it's just been too intense. Going to try to relax a little more and see how we get on over the next few days

It's easy to say having come out the other side, but don't stress about this. Put him back in nappies until the summer when it's warmer and generally easier and try again then. We thought DS was ready at a similar age, but in the end he was just turned 3 when he cracked it. Only had a couple of accidents on day one, then just got it. I wish I'd trusted the process and not spent so much time worrying.

I've had huge success with wees but not poos! I'm wondering if you should try it with underwear (my assumption was because then they can feel it's wet). Unfortunately we have poo resistance which is causing huge stress. Mine will say he needs to go and do it in his pants as he's at the toilet (I think the second one may have hurt and now he seems to be scared). But I'd suggest to hang in there as I'm two weeks in now, and I think (hope) that's improving too.

Personally I don’t rate Oh Crap. I know it’s great if it works but the tone of the book is awful and it gets parents needlessly panicked. I’d say average is 2.5 - 3 for girls and 3 - 3.5 for boys.

Have you tried again since pausing @sunshinecitrus1 ? We started potty training 23 month old last week. He started really well but is really resistant now and sounds just like your experience. I want to take a break from it but worried it’ll be just as bad later down the line. Any advice very welcome xxx

@Meeshybella Morning! I have actually pencilled in the bank holiday weekend at the end of May to give it another go. Like you, I am feeling really anxious about it because of the past experience but I am going to approach it differently this time. I’ve got a sticker chart ready and going to try and make things more fun for him. Even now when I mention “potty” he is quite reluctant about the subject but he is definitely more aware now since we last tried. He verbally tells me what the potty is for and there just seems to be more understanding there so I live in hope! I will let you know how we get on 😊I say give your little one a break for a few months and try again x

@sunshinecitrus1 thank you so much for responding! I agree, I think it’s time to give him/us all a break from it. Good luck for your second attempt later in May, will keep my fingers crossed for you! Sounds like you’re going into with everything in place for success, you got this!! X

@Meeshybella Thank you, I will let you know how it goes! Wishing you luck when you next attempt :-) x

@Meeshybella How are you getting on? Are you still potty training or did you decide to give it a break? We have just finished day two of training and I must say, compared to our first attempt back in January, it has been sooo much better! He loves his sticker chart and has pretty much nailed going for a wee with very little accidents! Poos are going to be a challenge I feel. He suffers with constipation at times anyway but he is pretty fearful of going on the potty and does withhold. He went a little this morning which ended up on the floor and then he went again this evening …once I had put his nappy on before bed 😑But both times I basically picked it up and put it in his potty to show him where it is supposed to go and then I got him to help me flush it in the “big toilet”. So it’s a work in progress but definitely feeling more confident this time around. I honestly felt he was ready back in January but now I can see he wasn’t x