Struggling with the relationship of my son

[Bellsmamma]

My son is now 23, left home at 16. Was quite a challenge from age 13+. Split from his dad when he was 6 and son struggled with my new relationship and marriage when he went through puberty.

My son has been in a relationship with his GF for 6 years, they have two boys together.

Since him leaving home I have always tried to maintain a relationship with him and my grandkids but I generally feel that he continues to disrespect me, only calls when he wants something. He has had over £15k from me in the past 7 years as he is rubbish with money management, he refuses to go to work as he has set up a business but he has no transport or money behind him to keep himself and his family all year through, his other half claims bens and never worked. same time every year my son goes into a depression as he has no money or self employed work and then turns to me for support every year so I’ve started saying no and then I get him trying to make me feel guilty for not helping and being disrespectful saying that when he makes it big he will remind me of the way I have treated him. I also have two daughters and none of them have ever had anywhere near this type of money. I’m trying hard to maintain a relationship but it is incredibly difficult as all he wants is my money and when I say no he gets angry and mad because I won’t help.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with this and that (weirdly) you’ve had no other replies since you posted. Unfortunately, adult children showing no interest in their parents and only contact when they want something is not uncommon 😔 It’s painful for the parent, but you have evidence that giving him what he wants over the last 7-years doesn’t make him care anymore about you, or change anything. IMHO, you need to stop giving him money. It’s time he stood on his own two feet and faced the consequences of refusing to work. He may never change and sadly there is nothing you can do about that. Remember he is not just the product of you, but also of his father. Try to work on coming to terms with your hurt and disappointment and take care of yourself and the people in your life who do love and respect you 💐

Honestly, subbing him is probably whats allowed him to continue not working. I have no idea what your relationship will look like in the future but at the very least he’s got a better chance of sorting himself out without a crutch to fall back on.

This.