Life schedule help!

[SuchAScaredMumma]

Hi all,

I need some advice please - my life is pretty unbearable at the moment. I'm the breadwinner with a very demanding job, I work full time, but also do all the cooking for everyone, all the childcare, take the bins out, do the majority of the cleaning, take the bins out, etc. DS is 2.5yrs old and we have another on the way (only a few weeks pregnant, but praying for a rainbow baby). Recently DS refuses me for pretty much everything - I used to do dinner, bath, bed, then come down to eat and clean the kitchen before finally going to sleep (in DS room as he still wakes up during the night and don't want to disturb DHs sleep). Its extremely exhausting but at least I was saved from the constant moaning of DH about how shit his life is and how he has no time. For about a month, DS only wants baths with dad, bed with dad, everything just with daddy - he scratches me and pushes me away.

Other than obviously being super hurt by his behaviour, I'm now having to deal with the constant moaning from DH, plus the tiredness of first trimester means that I just don't have the energy.

So I need help in two things: 1. Mums who are maintaining "traditional" roles in the house, what does your schedule look like, especially if your also FT? 2. How do I get my son to stop hating me :(

The two questions you asked are the least of your worries. I'd be trying to figure out what to do about my absolutely useless husband

What does DH do?

What exactly does your husband do? Why can't his sleep be disturbed?

Why are you doing everything?

This!

To trot out the standard MN line... you have a DH problem.

What does your DH do apart from now doing some of the child tasks?

I do things that need you to think about more than a day a head so all the shopping and washing.
My partner sees mess in a way I don't do he does more of the cleaning
The stuff that's in the middle we share depending on who is available when it needs doing
I work 4 days a week and my day off is mostly a day for me and my daughter. We do a class in the morning and the afternoon and try and see my parents too

I plan for the week on a Sunday so her nursery bag is packed for the week and her bag for Wednesday also gets packed most Sundays to reduce what I needed to do during the week. At least 2 sets of clothes are set out ahead for Mon/Tues then thu/fri. In the mornings I wake up, make coffee put clothes on both of us, do our teeth and leave.

Until recently my daughter needed both of us to get her to sleep but we have just managed to get her to sleep with just 1 of us. We are working on acceptable reasons for me to be not doing the bed time. Working seems to be ok but showering is not. This is make a difference to how we feel about the evening

For us the key has been to divide tasks based on our own skill sets then see what is left and work out a fair why to divide it up. My day off broadly not included into chore time.

You're trying to be the "traditional" mum while also being the "traditional" dad. So that won't work because you're only 1 person!

We both work FT and both split the kid and house stuff outside of that.

Your "D"H needs to cop the fuck on.

It is frustrating when a DC has a strong preference for one parent, on both of you. That will resolve, just remain a cheerful, involved presence, which I'm sure you are.