Vaping around son

[hotcrossbun1989]

Hi. I’ll keep this as simple as possible. Me and my ex share our 4 year old son together. We “co parent.” We had many issues for various reasons the first couple of years but things have settled down past couple of years.

Over the past couple of months, my ex has switched from smoking to vaping. I have slowly been learning over the past few weeks (from my son and FaceTime calls etc) that he is constantly vaping around our son in enclosed spaces. To the point of in bed at night!

If I FaceTime whilst my son is there (he stays at his every Wednesday night and every other weekend) he will just be sat on the sofa next to our son while he vapes. At night my son sleeps in my exs bed and my ex lays in bed next to him all night vaping. So the whole room is just full of vape all night every night he stays there.

I have my suspicions his gf probably also vapes (so that will be double) and that he is also vaping in the van with him!

I have tried to have a nice conversation with him about this where I have asked for it to stop (which he assured me it would) but this has fallen on deaf ears. It makes me feel physically sick to think of my son going over there and breathing it in 24/7 as no one knows what all this vaping is doing. I don’t like to rock the boat too much as it’s just easier to get on with him. But my son is coming home coughing his guts up now the last couple of times. I got my son out the bath this evening after he came back from his dads and he said “daddy vapes and vapes and vapes. He vapes in bed and he vapes upstairs and downstairs. He vapes when he takes he takes me to school.” I’ve had to listen to him coughing all night. I’ve had enough now.

What would you all do? I’d never want to stop contact etc but this is going to affect our sons health in ways we don’t even know about :( (I’ve also found out this week he isn’t bothering to put our son in a car seat in his van! But that’s a separate matter.)

Any advice grateful. TIA

As nobody knows the impact of vaping this is unlikely to go anywhere. Unfortunately in coparenting there is a lot of biting your tongue and not bothering to raise issues because sometimes if they know it annoys you, they'll do it all the more.

It's likely that it's less harmful than smoking, at least.

I'd focus on the car seat because at least that has a law behind it to back you up.

Unless he is vaping cannabis anyway - if it's just nicotine then it's gross but it's his choice unfortunately :(

You could take your DS to the GP and ask the GP their thoughts on vaping and whether the cough might be related, because if you can show that something is causing harm then this would be an angle to argue from.

You might also want to seek advice from your health visitor. But stick to absolute facts (e.g. your son reporting that he vapes and doesn't like it) and "harm" (if the GP suggests that he should stop) rather than just differences in parenting opinion.