I'd love to hear from other people in similar situations. I haven't quite summed it up in my title ... but my youngest DD (8) - I have another DD (10) - is often upset that she doesn't see her Dad more, a lot of 'why can't I be with him half the time' or 'why can't I live with him and visit you'. She can also get intensely angry and if it's me who picks her up from school she has occasionally thrown her bag at me and told me she hates me.
We've just had a diagnosis of mild ADHD, which is a bit of a factor. Our separation was almost 2 years ago now and we get on well. We did Christmas together, but outside of that we don't spend much time together, although we could and I have suggested 'family conferences' once a month so we can straighten things out as a team like screen time or whatever. (Don't let this lead you to thinking I'm a control freak, I'm more a creative type).
He is unlikely to budge on childcare arrangements (he has them 2 nights one week, and 3 the next) because he has a big job, but he has said to her he will see her more in a couple of years because he's saving up to retire at 55, which I think he likely will. I try and swallow back how annoying this is to hear, that I am struggling to create a career and manage the kids most of the time and on the back of this he will retire early. Patriarchy etc. Plus the fact she shows her anger about the arrangements to me, but doesn't get angry with him.
I soothe her through her feelings of missing her Dad, allow her to call him whenever she wants. What I actually personally struggle with is how it makes me feel about her time here. We have a lot of fun together, a lot of laughs, but when I tucked her last night, for example, she had just come back from her DAd's house and she was complaining that the bed wasn't the same, that Daddy stood by the bed (not getting in for a cuddle) and stroked her head and wanted everything like he did. I've been the primary caregiver 85% of the time of her life up until separation where I'm not 60%, so this stung a little. Like, why is my way suddenly not the norm? He has double bed bunk beds for each child at his house, my house is a lot smaller but I've made it a very cosy house with lots of creative elements to it so it's actually a nice place to be.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you manage your feelings in reaction to it? I'm looking for ways to navigate this that help her, help me?
I am wondering as I write this, if maybe I need some 1 on 1 time with her. I keep arranging this for her and her Dad, but perhaps we need it?
ARGH. Help!