Help move move forward. Affair mental health abomination

[GemGemJ]

Hey there. It's taken a lot of guts ti be here snd bare all and say how in felling.
I am a 35 Yr old female mother if 3 (11 Lola, 5 Prince and 4 Dollie) and I'm having a coping struggle at the moment and need some advice on daily coping.

I suffer from EUPD which is emionally unstable personality disorder and its bloody hard if im honest.

My medication doesn't touch the problem so I must be honest and admit I drink daily to help this.... and god I am so ashamed i could cry to admit this.

My Dr keeps doubling my medication which is great but it increases my anxiety so kuch sometimes at the end of the day a drink is the only thank that calms my shaking nerves and that makes me feel like scum. I'm so down. My husband has quit work to be there for me. He's my everything.

I ended up arousing the alcohol that helped a little bit, too much and I slept with my neighbour twice once very intoxicated that I couldn't remember and was having a mental health episode. My fiancee knows now and says he will forgive , but I torture myself everyday about it that my mind is constantly tormented (alongside my daily mental health I'm not dealing with that well)

He has forgiven which I am so grateful for, but at the same time I am trying to rekindle cuddles etc but he snores very much so I find these days I often sleep downstairs and he sleeps on the bed and it's the lo list place on the world and I do sit here crying most nights. Most of you will say I deserve it, but I just want tk rebuild but domt know how. My mental health is so bad I struggle to want to wake up.... how do I go forward with my man when I made such a mistake ????? Help.please. I'm very lonely. I'm very lost. I'm very isolated xx

P.s. I'm not here for pity. I'm here for strategy snd help please. I've cried enough tonight and every night

Hi. First of all, I am terribly sorry to hear you are struggling. Clearly, the medication isn't helping or isn't correct. There is no official medication for EUPD, however, DBT and MBT therapies are proven to help alleviate your emotional struggles and it seems like you are struggling right now.

The first step I would take is to ask to be put on a waiting list for these therapies by the CMHT since I assume they have given you the diagnosis. In some cases, even IAPT/talking therapies can refer you to a clinical psychologist or skills classes to help you with emotional crises, instead of alcohol. If alcohol has become a dependency for you there is help with that as well. However in the meantime whilst you are waiting for these services I recommend a few resources:

• self compassion workbook by Kristin Neff. You are punishing yourself with shame right now and you are in a shame fueled vicious circle: you feel shame therefor you drink and self harm like the affair, and then you shame yourself for it and you use alcohol to escape the pain of shaming. Clearly beating yourselp up doesnt work. I have used the self compassion techniques many times over the years. I also have EUPD
• DBT skills books and workbooks. I recommend the mindfulness solution for intense emotions and any self directed dbt workbook. The first one explains how other people have gone through something similar any gives you a lot of validation for feeling the way you do,
• Th kindnes method by Shahroo Izadi. a WELL established behaviour psychologist who had loads of experience working with people facing addictions, like alcohol, and who herself applied the method to help loose and keep off 60 pounds for years.

You are not alone in suffering, even though it may feel like that because you don't see others struggling, but think about the fact that EUPD is a diagnosis given to 1% of the population, that means in the UK only over 650000 people are feeling something similar to you. Life is hard, and there is no need for you to be extra hard on yourself on top of that. Please invest at least in the self compassion workbook, its like 20 pounds on Amazon and there is loads of research that shows it is effective!

I wish all the best!
Alina