Is this usual for a 2.5 year old?

[AnotherCountryMummy]

I have a 2.5 years old son, my first. He is at nursery/with grandparents Monday - Friday during my working hours.

At the weekends, I cannot do a single thing. He is so incredibly bossy. He will boss me about constantly and just shout the same thing at me over and over again. He doesn't listen to instructions when I'm asking him to stop doing something. But he is fully comprehending me - he will follow instructions easily when I ask him to do something that interests him.

He doesn't often play with his lovely toys - he's way more interested on flipping off the sofa, climbing up the worktops, just anything that's dangerous really.

I find it so hard to get anything done at the weekends. Just now for example he lost it because I wanted to go upstairs for a moment to get some laundry.

He CONSTANTLY pulls my hand to try and drag me places. I mean constantly. It drives me insane and hurts my back. But if I pull away and reject him because I don't want to go, is that damaging?

I feel like a performing monkey. Dance mummy, pick me up mummy, do this mummy, do that mummy.

He is generally very good when we go out and doesn't often have tantrums in public. He just seems to be quite difficult at home and I don't know why. I'm not sure if our house isn't toddler friendly enough or if I'm missing something.

He also has a complete breakdown every day when we take his pjs off and get him dressed.

So I guess my question is: is this normal and am I doing something wrong?

Some of them are like that! Mine both were at different points. They do grow out of it but it genuinely feels like forever at the time. No you are not damaging him by not always following his instructions. I found it useful to realise that DC crying wasn’t a problem, let alone a problem I needed to solve. I just need to hold whatever boundary it was, make sure they know they’re loved, and allow them to express their strong feelings without hurting anyone. Easier said than done and still a challenge in the primary school years but realising that intellectually at least did really help me.

Yes - normal for some.

It's hard but you have to really try not to give in all the time.

Also try giving a choice wherever possible. This might help with the getting dressed?

Thank you!

So do you think I should not keep giving into his requests?

I know it sounds a bit pathetic, but I worry if I say no all the time then he'll feel rejected 🫣

But at the moment, he does not respect my boundaries, or space!

Thank you, that's really reassuring!

I know the feeling! If it's a reasonable request I say yes sometimes I don't know if I should! I found with mine I would say things like first we will do this and THEN we can do that

It’s unhealthy for them not to know the word no. They need to have boundaries for safety. What if they wanted to run into the road, you wouldn’t just let them. But, yes, it is quite normal, our 2.5yr old is so bossy!!

Oh I definitely use the word 'no' it's just he does not listen or accept it!

I've tried also not using 'no' and trying things like 'come away from that' or 'let's do this instead'.

He's so headstrong!

That sounds so like my 2.5 year old, who definitely has those tendencies. The pyjama thing every bloody morning. Argh. We don't go downstairs/do teeth or breakfast until dressed for the day which works as incentive on some days. Also give binary choices, ie do you want to wear this jumper or that jumper. Also do 'let's see who can get dressed the fastest.'

I think they can sense when we're only half playing/keen to do something else and that encourages the cling to get our full attention. Sometimes if I make an effort to put my phone down and ignore dust/piles of laundry to have a proper play with me giving 100% attention for a block of time, then they will then happily play on their own after that for a bit while I crack on with something. Always presented as 'I am going to do X. Can you help me with that or do you want to play by yourself for until I'm finished?' Of course sometimes then they do want to 'help.'

Just a thought. You said you take his PJs off/get him dressed in the morning. Does he know how to get dressed/undressed himself but chooses not to? Or has he not learnt yet? He'll definitely be capable of it, with lots of practice, and might be more willing to take pjs off if he's undressing himself with lots of praise..

My daughter is 1.5 and she is exactly the same, even down to the grabbing my hand to take me somewhere. ‘This way!’ or ‘coming!’ all day long. I can’t stand up by the kitchen counter to cook, clean, wash up for more than a minute before she’s standing at my ankles crying ‘up!’ over and over and grabbing my legs. She doesn’t play with her toys for long but she sure loves tipping all the toy boxes out all over the floor and kicks off if I try to tidy anything up (despite the fact she’s not playing with any of it). Solidarity OP!

To me it sounds like you need to spend some time playing with him like @thehonscupboard says. Actively whilst not doing anything else. Then you will have satisfied that need for a while.

I wouldn't be dragged round. So when he comes to you are starts to pull you say 'no Jim, I'm emptying the dishwasher. What is it you want show me' and then listen to what he is saying. Finish the dishwasher and then attend to his pressing matter - walking there by yourself.

It might help to make a visual timetable of your day and stick it on the doorframe.
Breakfast
Duplo
Get dressed
Play doh while mammy gets dressed and does some jobs
Go swimming

Then he knows what's what.

Mines 15mo and exactly the same. I can't walk or stand anywhere without a little monkey trying to trip me up or climb upy legs. I'm a sahm so this is 24/7. Oh and the toy thing definitely 😂 like how dare mommy try move some of it out of the way😆 solidarity here too OP 😊

All very normal and so tiring! I have a 3.5yo who is similar.

But do not worry about your child feeling rejected. One of the most important things you can do for them is to say no (when justified), hold your ground, stay with them through their upset right through till they calm down.

This teaches them their strong negative feelings are ok, and pass. Very important life skill.

Also very helpful if you can stay calm through their upset. This helps model emotional regulation to them, a critical life skill.

If you think about it, life is a series of painful ‘nos’. (With some amazing yeses too!). Learning how to deal with it (cry/feel bad, then recover) is such an important life skill! Hold strong!

To those who get told off for tidying. This works for us, maybe will for you too. I've implemented a no more than 2 toys out at a time rule. You want to play with trains? Great! Let's tidy up the Duplo so there's space. Make tidying up fun by violently throwing stuff into boxes, seeing who can throw it the farthest etc. There was initial push back but now they know the score. I also make them tidy up all toys before bedtime. Set a timer saying X minutes of playing, then tidy up, then bedtime. Allow lots of time for pre-bed tidying as it will be extra slow due to pre-bed stalling. Much better getting them to do it (with plenty of help!) before bedtime as then after they're asleep you can properly relax.

Also recommend kitchen steps like these: https://www.oliversbabycare.co.uk/product/mamatoyz-folding-toddler-learning-tower-child-1-5-years/?gadsource=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAhomtBhDgARIsABcaYylc484Jgq2yXOBVy9xS5sGrrYOfb2t2469bBnXXqfzlbP7uFgG6amMaArgqEALwwcB

No clinging when you're in the kitchen, they go on the steps to 'help.' Get them their own scrubbing brush etc. so they do washing up with you stood up high.

How old though are they when they understand an instruction like that, mines only 15mo so isn't there yet obv

When it comes to being bossed around by a DD I'm fairly strict, the more she bosses or nags, the less likely I am to do the thing.

I believe that they need to understand that rude behaviour doesn't drive results.

I say to DD "that is a rude way to talk to me, we don't talk like that, what's a nicer way to ask?"

or

"I will do X, but you need to wait for a a few minutes while I finish Y, and if you nag me, I won't do it at all, because nagging doesn't work".

Kids don't understand time very well, so I try to contextualise it, things like "I will help in a few minutes, that's long enough for you to pick up thise five things and put them away, or "that's one episode of Peppa Pig".

I can really advise on the stroppiness as DD is not particularly stroppy. She is super bossy though.

@Devilsmommy
Great username

I can't quite remember precise age when we started tbh. That's sleep deprivation for you. I feel like maybe we started it before they fully understood, so then it was just part of their routine. Think I'd gone to a stay and play where they made the toddlers tidy and they all managed to grasp it so just copied that. One thing I noticed is that if you have only one or two toys out, they get properly played with for far longer than if everything is out at once.

Thank you everyone for the solidarity and the great advice.

I played with DS for 30 mins straight, no interruptions or trying to do anything else. He then flaked away to do his own thing and I've been free for about 10 mins now 😮

My 2.5 year old can be liken that.

I use that terrible phrase Ive Heard from improv lol "yes AND"

"Yes Darling, mummy will be right there to do crayons, I'm just going to finish the dishes first"

"YES I want to come into the garden but first I'm just going to pop awya the laundry"

Somehow being told 'yes' appeases then and the time they're willing to wait increases week on week

You need to put your foot down.our twins are 2 and have a 3 and they haven't done this because they know when mummy says playtime she's got jobs to do they can go play nicely. This would drive me bonkers you need to let little one see how to be independent