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Is this ASD in a 4 year old?

9 replies

Gameofmoans81 · 13/01/2024 08:28

My daughters teacher pulled me aside yesterday to discuss her behaviour which she is wondering could be ASD or does it sound normal in a 4 year old?
She is very shy with adults she doesn’t know.
Hangs back at parties or large social events but does sometimes eventually join in.
Relies on her confident best friend to do all the talking.
Refuses to participate at school at things like the nativity, dancing etc
Has very fixed ideas about playing - is very bossy basically and wants friends to play in a certain way.
Is sensitive to loud noises like hand dryers.
Chews her clothing and hair when anxious (though has been doing this a lot less recently)

However, is also very loud and funny at home, very sociable in her own way with small groups, very articulate and confident with friends and family, has close friendships etc

it felt like the teacher was trying to decide whether her refusal to join in the dancing etc was defiant behaviour or if there was something more to it.
any thoughts from people with children who sound similar would be gratefully received!

thank you

OP posts:
Flatpackedboxes · 13/01/2024 08:32

It could be...but could be normal. My DD was just like that but then had times of great confidence. (Lead of school play in primary, would t dance at school but did solos in festivals etc) she's in the process of being assessed now at 15. However, looking back there were many many other signs too (rocking, not liking bring touched )

Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 13/01/2024 08:38

There’s no way to know from what you’ve described. Could be typical but also could be traits of neurodiversity. Your DD sounds like mine. She’s 13 now, she still has very subtle traits and doesn’t have a diagnosis but is still introverted in some circumstances. I remember teachers saying that she ‘did her own thing’ a lot.

Lisanearla · 13/01/2024 08:54

She sounds like a mix of both of my daughters at age 4 - neither has autism e.g chewing clothes, not liking hand dryers, bossy & controlling at times with friends. One refused so do her nativity at age 4 and sat on my lap watching the others

They are age 5 and 7 now and both changed so much since then and become more confident etc. i think with most children there are little issues at certain ages - some of those issues fade away and might be replaced with new issues.

That’s not to say your child definitely does not have autism. My eldest has autism and i had no clue at age 4. it was only when he stated primary school it became more obvious.

This teacher sees lots of children in a group setting and has noticed there is something a bit different about how yours is interacting- she could well have spotted something….or picked it up wrong.

If there are still issues next year you could get her assessed.

You can spend ages researching traits of autism and thinking your child ticks one box but not the other. See this link as it explains autism very clearly
https://theoraah.tumblr.com/post/142300214156/understanding-the-spectrum

Understanding The Spectrum

I hear alot of people misinterpreting or misusing the term ‘autism spectrum’. So for Autism Acceptance week, I decided to make a comic to help explain the term and how it affects things. Archie is one...

https://theoraah.tumblr.com/post/142300214156/understanding-the-spectrum

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Singleandproud · 13/01/2024 09:45

As everyone else says it both is and isn't. But it is worth keeping an eye on and write those comments and any other quirks you notice in her red book if you need to go for an assessment in future you have to do a developmental history from pregnancy to their current age so any notes are helpful.

I got very similar comments at Dd's first parents evening, I remember clearly as my nose was firmly out of joint that the teacher could comment on potential deficiencies (PFB 😆) although autism wasn't directly commented on.
DD thrived at Primary, on the school council, chosen for public speaking activities, Mary in the nativity etc etc academically she flew. No poor behaviour ever (unusual in itself). But she was quirky, not fussed by other children really. A little professor talked to her peers in the same way she talked to adults. Has had one continuous friend all throughout school - really common in autistic girls, her friend tends to venture out and hunter gather other people for their friendship group.

Like many the start of secondary was the turning point, too busy, too loud, others not behaving etc what were quirks as a younger child like not liking hand dryers became intolerable in the teen years, she would physically wince as she went past them. She felt she was losing her mind and really struggled with the school environment, dropped extra curriculars and it was taking longer and longer for her to recharge after school.

She was diagnosed at 13, I knew it might be on the cards so had saved up over 4 years (Help2Save account) and managed to get the diagnosis within 6 weeks of contacting the private clinic opposed to the 4+ yrs on the nHS list in my area.

So my advice is watch and wait, save up, note down any quirks, look into the Autistic Girls Network as well.
Noise cancelling headphones and weighted blankets can be game changer if she really struggles with noise or sleep as she gets older.

It's worth saying though, that if she is autistic it isn't the end of the world. Autism impacts people in a range of ways but many autistic peopl live full and happy lives, a diagnosis gives validation and with the right adjustments put in place at home, school and work (providing there aren't other comorbid conditions at play) there is no reason why she won't succeed. The key seems to be getting a diagnosis and support in place before MH spirals at Secondary, the wrong unsupportive school can have a large impact on GCSEs etc and picking themselves up after that but if you watch and wait now you'll be able to step in before that happens.

Marblessolveeverything · 13/01/2024 09:51

My understanding is that there are significant delays in assessment. If I was her parent I would look into what the process of assessment and after a few months of check back in with teacher. If dd is still showing a some of the traits I would pursue investigation.

My family's experience has been girls are typically not identified and when things escalate delays can hamper support.

At the very least you may identify some supports, interventions to assist with sounds like possible sensory sensitiveness.

Alloveragain3 · 13/01/2024 11:38

Following with interest.

My DS is 4 and extremely shy. He won't join in with group activities, won't talk to new people, refused to participate in the Nativity play and has now started to tantrum before montessori.

In all other aspects he seems neurotypical. Met all milestones on time, chatty, funny, no communication issues, affectionate, empathetic etc.

I think he's just an introvert/ anxious but have recently questioned if there could be more going on.

Singleandproud · 13/01/2024 11:53

@Alloveragain3 autism (and ADHD) does not impact cognitive ability, it is a social and communication condition. There are many other learning disabilities that can occur at the same time (comorbid) however which can impact a child's ability.

Other neurodiversities such as dyscalculia or dyslexia can have an impact on academic progress but are still not a signifier of intellectual ability when the right adjustments are in place

If he has no communication challenges then he won't be autistic but even children with very extensive vocabulary s can have communication difficulties we don't necessarily pick up on straight away. My DD can't stand small talk, she won't pick up on conversational cliffhangers IE if someone was speaking about their weekend or recent holiday she wouldn't pick up the lull in conversation where she is supposed to ask questions, or refer to her own experiences at the weekend/on holiday. However she will talk AT you at length about what ever interests her or loves deep philosophical and ethical discussions.
Another common one is being literal so not understand "pull your socks up" as meaning 'work harder' my DD until it was explained to her, would just pull her actual socks up. However, she loves words as tools and satire in a TV show where she knows to expect it but wouldn't 'get' the same joke in a social situation. These things become more obvious with age though as many autistic traits are just common development in young children until they continue to exist past the age most of their peers have naturally picked up on the nuances of communicating

Alloveragain3 · 13/01/2024 12:21

Really informative @Singleandproud

It's helpful hearing a first person account as a lot of the information online is quite 2D and tricky to fully interpret.

Gameofmoans81 · 13/01/2024 17:20

Thanks so much for everyone’s help and advice. It is really useful to hear other experiences.

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