Social Services

[HB1985]

I’m 38 years old and my ex partner has taken me to court to gain more access with my 5 year old daughter. Due to a conviction for a past sexual offence, he can currently only have video chats with her but wants access more frequently.

Social services are involved to do a Section 7 report.

Who will they want to speak to during their time to do a section 7? I don’t really get on with my parents but they are involved in my daughter’s childcare. Can I request that social services do not speak to my parents? They have said they don’t want to get involved with the court process and social services etc.

any advice would help.

SS can only speak to your network with your consent so if you say no they can't. It's not usually done for a S7 as the point is about supporting the best interests for the child and recommendation around contact. If they ask you have the right to say no and give your reasons

Thanks :)

it’s just a bit daunting. I admit that I have made mistakes with my ex in the past (he gaslit, manipulated and coerced me into doing things I wouldn’t normally do). Social Worker said she has big concerns for my parenting capacity, so I’ve just assumed she’ll want to speak to my mum. I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety and Depression so I do find it hard to cope with stress.

Every parent makes mistakes. Some big, some small. If they're involved anyway try work with them. I know it's easier said then done when you're in the thick of it!

A good SW will explain what their worries are and try to support ways to reduce any potential impact/risk. This should be a 2 way conversation where you can talk through with them and build a plan together.

If they are providing support on a family plan (CIN/CP - given its a section 7 i assume they've opened up a CIN plan) then it is likely (almost certain) they will explore your network. The purpose of this comes from the ethos that services don't make families safe, families do. Support that relies heavily on professionals is not good as it almost builds you up to fail - when services reduce or close so does your support, which is why they look at the friends/family in your life.

For the actual report it's not necessary. They will follow the welfare check list and address any particulars as directed by the judge.

I’m not too sure if they’ve put my daughter on a CIN plan. Social Worker mentioned it at first but hasn’t mentioned it since.

I'm just worried as I have kept things from my mum (which do not really concern her and aren’t really relevant to what is going on). I’m more than certain she’ll disown me, if I do tell her.

I've kept so many things from her and she doesn’t trust me at all. It’s horrible but I don’t feel like I can open up and tell her things because she tends to fly off the handle. I have legal aid and a solicitor and I’ll gladly explain myself in court if anyone has any questions on my behaviour or what I’ve done.

truth be told…I’m terrified of what is going to happen but I’ll just have to deal with it

Information can't be shared without your consent so don't worry however they will encourage you to be honest with the people that support you - this doesn't need to be immediate family, it can be friends.

I know it's difficult and feels scary and out of control. Try working with your SW they should be there to help you and you both want the same thing - the best for your little one - try build from that common ground.

Ask about the CIN plan. It would be unusual not to have a support plan in place while they're involved - maybe not unheard of though. This will mean regular visits and regular meetings with you present to look at the support in place and any gaps.

I've had 2 home visits with my social worker. I have told my best friend (who is also my neighbour) everything.

My mum had prepared a statement in support of me, which I have given to my solicitor. She categorically does not want to get involved at all and wants me to deal with this myself. So she will not want to speak to the social worker.

I will speak to my solicitor on Tuesday and get her advice.

My fear is that I will lose my support network if my mum gets involved and gets wind of what I have been keeping from her.

Op you keep mentioning things you've done and keeping it from people, is this anything that social services would see as a threat to your child? Not judging as everyone makes mistakes but it's hard without knowing more information as to what type of thing you're referring to

The only thing that I think it will be is about the video chats that are currently happening. Back in August (before we went to court) Social Services contacted me to ask for my consent for observations to be done on my daughter, and I refused consent and I told them I did not want my ex to see her until she was 18, so I was going to stop the video chats. I told my mum they have stopped and kept to that. During that time in August, I was constantly told by them that my daughter should speak to her dad via video chat and if we ever went to court, it would look bad on me if I stopped the video chats.

When CAFCASS were involved before the first court hearing, they again sated the video chats should continue as it was beneficial for my daughter to have some kind of a relationship with her dad.

I also believe I should not be facilitating the video chats. Social Services have always maintained that my ex is not a threat to my daughter, but is a threat to me, so why would they make me facilitate?

So I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I thought it was easier just not to tell my mum they were continuing, and I don't want to look bad in court.

Hi I don't know where to start here its a long one.
12 years ago I moved area with my partner who I went school with and like best friend. I had 2 dd from my ex partner and was single for a bit until I wanted to be with the man I loved. We moved 20 mils away my idea I wanted a house and new start, 2 weeks in and I found indecent images on computer hard drives. I got him arrested I beat him and sent him police station. Social services came round and said no contact unless a adult present etc. See when I went threw this pictures he would have been 12 14 when downloaded and I wasn't sure at time my head was a mess. I loved him and if I thought hurt my dds I would be in prison from hurting him. At time he was allowed to walk school with dds and like go for dinner etc. Time went on I did everything I didn't have a relationship with him but I was allowed to see him people said why but at time I had questions I was angry I just moved miles away from family to start a new life and all this happened also social told me if I told anyone I would get my windows smashed and hurt. So I only had him to talk to and I wanted to understand in a way I thought he loved me.
Once police did it all social came on me my dds went straight to pre proceedings I had no clue what was going on. Told me to sign form and not to talk to him which I did I changed my number I wasn't losing my dds they said as I was abused by my dad I will get with all these men and I needed to go on anti depression pills went to counselling never needed to see if I was normal etc.
I got kids off in end I had to just not have options no control in end let them take over. I got married to my now husband he is brilliant and had 2 more babies he has taken my dds as his. 1 of my dds second is adhd and asd and school haven't supported us. She got into a controlling religion and caused alot he running off in middle night and taking cannabis. She has trouble going school a d been a problem since starting she is also went threw alot of bully where girls tried to stab here. I asked for early invention to help I have worked so hard dis 6 courses git my daughter support but unfortunately she kept running off not listening pretty much a teenager. 5 weeks ago now she has changed seems in good health as she was self harming and I know it won't go but need support. She only trust so many and early help haven't helped her she trusts me and only a few. She is refusing now and this has caused early help to get social care. We had a cote and all voted no after the truma last time I have pdsd and I am so scared I am locking doors already haven't slept 4 days and falling apart. I have signed her up for counselling as she has refused there's I have moved heaven and earth but they still want to bring them. As I have resfused they may go on child protection though I refused my control is going again I begged and cried its also caused trauma to dds.
I feel stabbed in back in a way as they said if she went missing again and she hasn't all of Feb she seems in good spirits and doing good things but as refused youth worker counselling with them it's caused all this. She didn't like them and I told them this, I don't know what I am asking just to see if anyone else been there like this? I am worried sick as last time I got 2 ss fired but was hard was awful times they destroyed me I was so strong for who I stand for and was knocked dangling my kids infront of me like a toy. My kids are my world I live for them.

Thank you for reading

Just an update. Had court yesterday. It went okay I think. Was only in there for about 25 minutes.

Ex partner sent a position statement to court on Friday stating he wants contact twice a week in a contact centre. Although he is having video contact he has physically not seen my daughter in person for nearly a year. My solicitor thinks twice a week is not going to happen.

in his position statement he also asked for my daughters surname to be double barrelled. The thing is, is the name he wants me to change it to was his old name, before he changed it by deed poll. After the judge questioned him on it yesterday he then turned around and said he wants it to be his current surname.

My daughter had his surname when she was born (it’s on her birth certificate) and when we split up I asked him to change it to mine because she lives with me. He agreed. I am not willing to change it again.

She is aware of her surname now and if someone asks her what her name is she always states her full name (including her middle name).

Ex has been instructed to apply for a name change. My solicitor thinks I’ve got a good chance of winning this point and keeping her name as it is, but I’m freaking out thinking the judge will allow it.

i do think he is asking for a name change to be in a position of control with my daughter (and myself). My daughter is 5 and he’s never asked it to be changed back up until this point.

I’m hoping the judge will let my daughter keep her current name. I don’t want to confuse her.

You’ll have more luck for responses if you start your own thread. Good luck.

Just on the back of my previous post....

I've been thinking about the contact centre.

Would any contact centre allow my ex into their building if he has a conviction for a sexual offence, and he has been unable to have a meaningful risk assessment done on them by Social Services (due to their non co-operation and defensiveness)?

If they don't that's music to my ears cos I'm trying to stop any in person contact with my ex and my daughter until he is an adult.

Thanks

I think he would have a difficult time finding one to be honest. Have a look for local contact centres and see what their criteria are. I think it would be hard to fine on that would take him and most only offer contact once a fortnight not twice a week.

I've had a look on the website for the one he suggested in court and can't see anything on there.

Might see if my solicitor will do some digging. Just thought I'd ask on here if anyone was going through something similar.

If they don't allow him in without a risk assessment I am dreading Social Services still being involved and them doing another Section 7 report. My social worker said she may end her involvement this week on the back of the recent court order.

You need to start your own thread. You've also put your DD's name in. Surely if it's a birth mark it won't fade? So if she continues to have medical monitoring it will become obvious that it's not an injury?

Thank you sorry I’m completely new to this. This is what we have said we have pictures dating back months and months showing the same mark, same colour in the same place