Why can’t I decide whether to stop breastfeeding?

[MrsK1991]

I’m really flip flopping between whether to stop breastfeeding and cant fully put my finger on why I want to carry on nursing, why is it so difficult to know what to do?

My daughter is nearly 6 months and breastfeeding hasn’t been easy so far. Tongue tie, nipple shields, terrible latching and associated pain. Then she wasn’t putting on weight so we supplemented with formula and had to wake her overnight to get enough feeds in.
Finally got to a good place towards the end of last year but then the disturbance of routine over Christmas and a cold wrecked havoc again. Now I’m pretty certain my supply has fallen as a result, and she’s more fussy and waking more often at night than literally ever before.
Lots of people are saying (in a kind/supportive way) to stop breastfeeding and switch to bottles. I’m really not against this idea, other than maybe being a bit uncertain about the practicalities of bottle feeding out and about which to me doesn’t seem as easy as whipping a boob out. But for some reason I am being stubborn and just won’t do it. And I really can’t put my finger on why, half the time I’m not enjoying it because it’s painful.
My son (now 4) had allergies and at 6 months I stopped breastfeeding to put him on prescribed formula, so maybe I’m trying to be in control of it more this time around.
My reasons to stop breastfeeding would be purely selfish (more sleep, less stressful evenings, I could go out by myself/meet friends more easily, I could diet without worrying about milk supply) but are these good enough reasons to stop?
If you’ve been through a similar dilemma what helped you decide what to do? (Either keep bf or move to formula)

I’m about to stop at just short of 10 months for exactly the reasons you’ve outlined. He’s waking more, I feel like I’m not making enough, I’m exhausted. I’m not interested in ‘breastfeeding solutions’ I just want some sleep now and DS to be full and content. I don’t feel a single iota of guilt and neither should you.

I had to stop at baby no. 3 at 3 months old ....found it really hard making the decision and also weaning was mentally harder than for my other kids who were well on solids when I weaned....but once I'd completely stopped I felt fine about it! I reckoned hormones and the fact that baby was still so dependent on me as a food source made it psychologically hard to decide stop even though I was beyond exhausted. Some kind of maternal instinct or something.
Never looked back though once I'd stopped and my sanity returned!

DD was a bottle refused and took ages to take to solids, so she didn't give me much choice in the matter. It was feed her or nothing. It would have been nice to have had the choice to flip between bottle and breast by that age. Would that be an option for you? Carry on breastfeeding some of the time for the convenience when out and about and give a bottle of you wanted to go out or have a night's sleep while her dad did a stint and sort of taper the feeds off over time. That would give you less of a feeling of having to choose to abruptly stop. It would just naturally peter out over time.

Six months is a classic growth spurt phase. I always knew when my children needed to eat more as they woke up more.

I guess it's your instinct making you want to continue? Also you've worked so hard to achieve it and maybe it feels like you don't want to waste that by giving up. Also perhaps there is some pressure on you to give up and you are mentally resisting. Even if they are being 'kind' it can still feel like an imposition of other people's opinions.

Whatever you do, you must be happy with your choice. Giving up is no-one's business except you and your child. If you want to carry on, do it. Once your baby starts solids you will be able to feed less and there won't be so much responsibility on you. That said, if you are finding it too much, maybe introduce a bottle back in and see how it goes - maybe you'll be able to do both?

I breastfed my first boy for a year, my second son I plan to introduce formula at 6 months. I can't do it for a year this time, I need to pump if I go out for any length of time and with two kids I don't find the time to pump.

He is waking a lot at night atm constantly on the boob, it's really effecting my mental health atm. I love breastfeeding but I just do not have it in me to do it for a year second time round.

You do what you feel is right for you and your LO

It’s not an all or nothing, you could swap some feeds for formula. This way you could still breastfeed out and about. Then you could give a decent bottle of formula in the evening to hopefully fill him up so he sleeps. Something to think about?

I’m currently in same predicament, I’m combi feeding so also pumping inbetween (which I feel is quite hard to maintain and my nipples hurt so much). It’s alleviated some of my distress because I’m like ‘well if I haven’t pumped enough then no worries cos I’ve got formula’. But for me it’s an attachment thing, when I give him the bottle or formula I feel so guilty, and I miss being able to console him with the boob. I see another poster said you won’t miss it once you’ve fully gone onto formula and weaned. But maybe that’s what’s stopping you. Have you thought of combi feeding? I’m pumping morning and night, (giving forumla at those times) then bf inbetween. It’s working well for the baby. Maybe just pumping a little to ensure you keep up supply? I’ve read that you can always increase it back up of you change your mind as it’s ‘supply and demand’.
oh also I have one awful boob and one really good boob so I’m constantly engorged and lob sided on one boob :(

I had a hard time breastfeeding my daughter. Severe reflux causing feeding aversions, lots and lots of allergies and intermittent bottle aversions.

I had some easier times too though. I tried combi feeding but I couldn't get it to work and at 10 months I had to stop breastfeeding. I think if I could have got combifeeding to work I would have had to stop and go into hospital. In many ways my life didn't change with the formula. It was still only me that could feed her as she refused accept a bottle from my partner of I was there. She still woke many times at night and she had as many issues during the day as she had before.

If you aren't sure if it is right for you I would look at reintroducing a bottle of formula and see how you feel then. It's a personal decision as to when is the right time and sometimes trying allows you feelings to come through clearer