Please save me from toilet training hell!

[lulabella]

Ok, I never ever post on these boards, more of a reader but I completely and utterly do not know what to do with this. I have a ds, who is 3 at end of april. Last June he found all the pants I had bought in preparation for potty training and refused to put a nappy on. I took this as a cue that maybe he was ready to potty train. It is now nearly end of March, and he will be 3 in a month and we are still having accidents every day. In all this time I think we have had 2 months of him asking to wee/poo in the loo. He started nursery in September but he does the same there.
If I look back on the past 9 months I am not sure I introduced the whole toilet concept very well. I have basically absolutely no confidence on where to go with this. I have tried bribery (which did not work at all) I have tried sticker charts with a little bit of success but it seems we have a bit of success at the weekend and the day he doesn't go to nursery and then disaster for the rest of the week. I am so fed up completely of it all. I am ready to go back to nappies. I even spoke to my health visitor but she was completely useless too.
It is really really getting me down.
Would love help from anyone who has any tips/words of encouragement.
Thanks in advance!

have none i'm afraid kind of in same boat myself accept ds speech delayed but if left with no pants on he will just take himself if got pants or trousers then he wont

so i'll try again in summer my ds also 3 end of next month

good luck hope someone comes along to help

have heard with boys its not unusual to be about 3 and half before potty trained just keep up with praise and ignore accidents if has accident sit straight on potty or toilet good luck

My ds will be 3 in June and we had a nightmare few weeks a couple of weeks back where we started toilet training at his instigation but he just did not get the hang of it, accidents every day, him getting really upset etc etc. I posted on here and everyone said just give it a break which is exactly what I've done. DS is much happier in his nappies, so I've just accepted he's going to be at least 3 before he gets the hang of it. I know your ds has been going for a good few months, but if he's still having accidents every day and is still not asking to go to the loo maybe you should give it a break for a couple of months and start again afresh in the summer? Also, if it's stressing you out, he's bound to pick up on that however hard you try not to show it, so maybe if YOU had a break from it for a couple of months, then you'd both start with a clean slate and feel happier about it. I have no idea if this advice will work - as I say I've had no luck with my ds either, but since you've tried everything else, maybe this is the way to go? Good luck with it!

My DD was completely useless at toilet training. We spent MONTHs and MONTHS and MONTHS with various degrees of failure. In retrospect, I wish I had just stuck her back in nappies much earlier than I did. In the end, I put her back in nappies for about a month which took the pressure off her and me. I tried again when she was 3 and a few months and she got wees mastered pretty quickly. (Poos were another matter unfortunately.) If I were you I would give yourself a break a while. Lots of my DDs friends weren't toilet trained by 3.

I know where you are coming from, and I am probably the last person to ask for advice. DD took ages to potty train; we got stressed; lots of wet and pooey nappies.

but one word of encouragement is that you will get there in the end! DD is 3 1/2 now and maybe has one accident a week, or less. if you're getting stressed it is better to put him back in nappies.

also, we finally got the poo on the potty going with a star chart - this was only a little over month ago - DD just suddenly 'got' the concept that if she had a poo in the potty and collected stars for a whole month she'd get a prize (a reward for one poo in the potty didn't work, as she would just go back to a nappy afterwards and refuse to poo in the potty - she would ask for a nappy for a poo). We had a few days of her asking for nappy for a poo, or waiting til her nighttime nappy was on, but most of the month she got stars. and since she got her snow white dress, she has (fingers crossed!) only pooed on the potty.

So you will get there in the end. my friends used to say to me, "no one is still in nappies when they are 18!" never thought we'd get there but we did.

good luck..

toilet training was interesting with my DS. He would wear Huggies pull ups and use the toilet for a wee but everything else would be done in the pull up.

We could not understand why the toilet was okay for one and not the other and it was a frustrating time. He would come and tell you the minute he had finished because he hated the feeling of it against his skin... why not use the toilet then!!! aargh!

However - and I do not advocate this as a toilet training method - one night he was messing around when he was supposed to be in bed, His dad went up to 'tell him off' and his excuse for running around the room was that he was just going to the toilet.

Fine, said his dad, but if you don't do anything you will be in big trouble. 5 minutes later DS came down the stairs with a huge grin to tell me that he had done his first poo in the toilet. He never had an accident again!

A very belated thank you to you all! Have not been able to get to the computer for all the poo. just kidding!
Sorely tempted to go back into nappies but we have had no nursery for 10 days and then 4 days back at nursery so i have been around lots and in all that time (2 weeks) we've had 4 accidents which is a massive improvement. Although he had a poo accident today while I was out of the room and it really upset me. its like i take it sooo personally. i know that might be half the problem but when it happens i find it hard to be calm/distance myself from it.
my instinct is to get out the nappies and start all over again. but then another instinct is that he will get it with time, just a bloomin long time, like when he's 17.
guess i'll just keep plodding and coming on here to vent!!
i also love hearing about others in the same boat as it makes me calm and reassured, which is quite a feat right now.

Sounds to me like it is nursery (probably inadvertently) that is the problem. He really has done well in the last couple of weeks when you were able to supervise him a bit more. Maybe chat to nursery staff, find out a bit more of what their routines etc are for potty training, see if there is some conflict. For example, they may be insisting he sits on potty or uses toilet every hour rather than just when he feels he needs it, which is a fine approach for the early days but doesn't help him to become more independent.

Given your recent success I wouldn't put him back in nappies right now, but if he regresses again, yes I would .... it's not much fun for him or you if you are constantly stressed about it.

robinia, i think you are right. We now have 2 weeks of hols so hopefully it will get even better. And thinking about it after what you have said the minute i took the zen calm like approach and just let him decide when he wanted to go it has all been much better. and i know they have been taking him quite regularly as he is on the 'to be reminded' and 'put on loo' lists they have. i think i will have a chat with them when we get back from easter holidays.