newborn and toddler bedtime

[Quackidy]

i'm currently 30 weeks pregnant and was wondering how anyone with a 2 year old and newborn do the bedtime routine?

my first born is currently 21 months and will be nearing 2 when his brother is born. he's recently been awful at sleeping until we got a floor bed and settles down when i'm in his bed with him and it usually takes 30 minutes after his actual bedtime routine (dinner,bath,book,bottle&bed)

he's asleep by 7:30-8 on a good day

i'm worried my toddler will take ages to settle in his bed and/or the baby will be crying or be left alone.

any advice or suggestions? i know it is awhile away. first born won't settle or drink milk & sleep without me in his bed

oh and first born likes to wake up multiple times in the night until he finds his way to our bed

When I brought my newborn home my son would scream when putting him down to bed. So now we pretend to take the newborn up to bed too so he thinks it's her bedtime too and it's worked. He goes down no bother and sleeps right through. I think he must of felt like he was missing something when his sister stayed downstairs x

I think I’d work on getting your DC to sleep better and settle without you in his bed, you have a couple of months to do this.

I have a 21 month old age gap and used to get my toddler to bed first with the baby in the bedroom in a little chair or laying on a mat. Then I’d sort the baby out.

Get partner to do toddlers bedtime, stating tonight!

My partner took over toddlers bedtime a couple months before baby was due. 16 months between us. Also, if toddler wakes, partner goes into her room (I usually hear her and nudge partner hard) as quick as possible and lays on her floorbed with her

Oh op. I sympathise, I have a 16 month old and I'm 35 weeks. Toddler does not sleep in her cot, we try and put her down in it she goes mad, gets so upset until she comes into our bed with one of us ! If she does somehow go down (usually she's fell asleep downstairs) she will wake up and go mad until she comes into our bed with one of us. I just don't see how we can get out of this !!
I'm just hoping baby doesn't refuse to go in their crib aswell because I don't know what I'll do !
Oh they will both be in with us too as we haven't got enough bedrooms, that doesn't help.
Will be watching this thread

Do you have a partner and could take one child each? That is what we had to do (still do now they are 5 and 2). They are just about getting to the stage where it's not a total nightmare when one of us goes out and has to put them both to bed!

(I know not everyone has this option so I'm sure it can work if you have an established routine with two - just how it worked out for us)

@blackpanth i don't think that would be an issue for us since we live in a flat lol! so cute tho. how was the bond with oldest and newborn? xx

@NewYear24 do you have and advice on how we can do this? my partner works shifts so every other week he isn't here for bedtime unfortunately, and recently he won't settle without me with him in his bed. always shouts for mummy, he hasn't gotten worse with this and i can't even clean or cook without him screaming/crying at me because i'm not sat or playing with him

@34weekmess we had this issue really bad this month. he wouldn't even settle in his crib, so we got him a floor bed and so far it has been great for he sleeps until the middle of the night and gets into our bed.

which is better then him not going to sleep in his bed at all! take day by day, maybe invest in a floor bed so either one of you can lay with your little one until asleep? x

@climbershell i would love for this to happen but partner works shifts and isn't here every other week for bed time which is really difficult. even when my partner IS here on the weekend/on a morning shift he will not go to bed with his dad.

just screams and shouts mummy until i come in

@BertieBotts i'm glad that works for you! it is really draining recently and making me worried for one LO is eventually here, my partner isn't here for bedtime every other week because of work. but he does has 5 weeks off when baby is due/born.

Hi OP your situation sounds similar to mine. My eldest was a nightmare to get to sleep. So for the first few months of newborns life I would just hold baby in my toddlers bed until toddler fell asleep then sort out baby for bed time. But this wasn't exactly sustainable....
I got my toddler a tonie box and would tell her to stay in her room quietly and listen to a tonie while I sorted baby out and put him to sleep then would come back to her and read her books etc. it's tough, but you will get into a routine. And if one of them has to be crying in their bed/cot for a little while while you sort the other then so be it, it's not for long and there is only one of you.

The bond is amazing. He's so gentle with her 🥰 xx

When I did bedtime solo
i would just feed/cuddle the baby while doing whatever I normally would with toddler. If lying with them then baby can lie on your chest and toddler cuddle in.

If I had DH around I’d feed straight after bathtime and then get them to hold the baby so I got 1:1 time with toddler.

@NewYear24 do you have and advice on how we can do this? my partner works shifts so every other week he isn't here for bedtime unfortunately, and recently he won't settle without me with him in his bed. always shouts for mummy, he hasn't gotten worse with this and i can't even clean or cook without him screaming/crying at me because i'm not sat or playing with him

Have you tried standing near the bed and talking or singing to him, if this works gradually stand further away from his bed. If he asks for you give him something to comfort himself such as a little blanket. In other words don’t get on the bed with him, it will be more difficult to begin with but this is a good time to do it. You could try having some background music on or gently singing.
When he screams with you to play with him, tell him to stop screaming and you will play in a few minutes after you’ve done xyz. Again this will help when you have your baby to look after.

Hello no direct experience with this.. but just wondering if it’s an option for you to sit in toddlers room whilst nursing baby? Then toddler may feel included instead of trying to seperate maybe a Moses basket in toddlers room to do both at bed time kinda thing? Do you have a next to me crib for baby? That’s probs the safest way to co sleep especially if toddler is crawling in too (so baby is very close but not in your bed too) we got the tutti bambini cozee and it’s fantastic ! Xx

I am in a very similar position! Have a 21 month old and am currently 31 weeks and worrying how we'll make it work. My toddler takes usually 45-60 minutes to get to sleep with us lying on a mattress on the floor with him then he goes in his cot but halfway through the night comes in our bed. Difficult to get down for naps too! My husband will be around in the evening and we plan to alternate, but I see that's not an option for you. But I'm worried how I'll manage for naps. If this baby is anything like my first he won't want to be put down so I don't know what I'll do!

I don’t specifically have advice as haven’t done it yet but I have a 2yo who needs us to lie with him until he falls asleep and DH who regularly works later than DS bedtime.
I’m due in less a month!

My plan is to either:

• feed baby to sleep while sitting in toddlers bed doing stories and then put baby down somewhere in toddlers bedroom and lie with toddler until asleep.
• feed baby to sleep in my bed while doing stories with toddler, put baby down in next to me then cuddle toddler to sleep in my bed then transfer to his bed
• give up on the whole thing and go to lounge to watch a movie, toddler would usually fall asleep 15-20mins into watching a film. Not ideal but if other options aren’t working and we just need to get to sleep then I’m happy with this as a survival mode plan.

By the time I was 2-3months pregnant, DS started sleeping through the night, which lasted for around 3 months and he now wakes anywhere from 1-5 times a night. I usually go and give him a cuddle in his bed but when I’m not pregnant and tossing and turning constantly I’ll probably just bring him into our bed from first wake - this is what we did before I was heavily pregnant anyway. Baby will be in next to me and I’ll be in between them. I’d advise getting a super king bed if space allows.