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Over crowded house

10 replies

Lesley136 · 12/01/2024 15:05

A tricky one. My daughter has just had a baby. He’s two weeks old. She is suffering from severe postnatal anxiety and is under the post natal mental health team. On top of that she is ill with mastitis. The mental health team has recommended a lot of support.
Her partner has two children who live with their mum but suddenly told him that he had to come and collect them as their mum was living with someone who has a police record which meant the children could not stay in his house. Not only that but the court has ordered that he takes the girls every Saturday to visit the mum. That will mean that he will be away for 8 hours as she lives a considerable distance away.
My daughter is now living in a tiny house with four children. ( She all ready has two) There is no bedroom for the girls….they sleep in the sitting room. Her partner has to work everyday and as the girls still do not have a school place she has to look after them which means she is missing medical appointments, can’t join recommended support groups etc. Her partner is now away every Saturday too because of the above mentioned court order.
I am worried sick about her as she is at the end of her tether but social services couldn’t care less. I live hundreds of miles away and my planned visit has had to be postponed as there is no room in the house.
I know the girls safety is paramount but surely someone should be helping their mum find her own home away from her unsuitable partner. No one seems to be thinking about the situation the girls are now living in. No one assessed the home, contacted the mental health team or even consulted with my daughter. The girls are very close to their grandparents who have a huge house with lots of room and live very near their dad so they would have continual contact with him but the court wouldn’t even consider this option.
Any advice anyone?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DustyLee123 · 12/01/2024 16:13

Go and stay in a BnB or hotel near her?

Sprogonthetyne · 12/01/2024 16:14

Your poor daughter, the whole family seems to be having a tough time right now. However, I don't agree that the children should be sent to grandparents. They must be devastated that their mum chose her new partner over them, and are probably already feeling insecure about their dad's new baby replacing them. Sending them to live elsewhere while they're dad lives with 3 other children, two of which aren't his, would be such am awful rejection for them.

However, it should not be on your daughter to care for them all the time, that's their dad's job. Could he take either annual leave or carers/parental leave? At least until they get a school place. Really with a 2 week old, and a partner who is struggling he probably should still be off work anyway. Did he take paternity leave?

What type of housing are they in? And is there any prospect of moving in the near future? They could maybe ask the social worker to support an application for bigger council housing.

LittleOrangePip · 12/01/2024 16:22

God that sounds tough.

Can you find and air BnB or similar nearby to offer support?

Also agree with pp that the father should explore options for parental leave or carers' leave to care for his children

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LittleOrangePip · 12/01/2024 16:24

Apparently you have to give 21 days notice for parental leave - might still be worth applying for if this is likely to be a medium/long term situation
https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Unpaid parental leave

Employer and employee guide to unpaid parental leave - eligibility, how much leave can be taken and notice periods

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Overthebow · 12/01/2024 16:40

Surely you can still go and visit and stay in a nearby hotel or bnb?

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/01/2024 16:56

It is not up to your daughter to look after the children if means she is missing out on essential stuff for herself

Dad needs to pay for childcare /sort out schools asap

Hm2023 · 12/01/2024 17:17

This is a horrible situation but the dads needs to be there for all his children not just your daughters children. The health visitor should be able to arrange help for your daughter I think it’s called home start or something that has volunteers that help struggling parents of baby’s and you should also be trying to help by staying nearby if at all possible.

Honeybeebuzz · 12/01/2024 17:46

Why should the dad drive far away to accommodate the mother (who has chosen a partner over her daughter's) the mother should be told by the court to travel to the father's area for contact.

Top priority is getting the girls a school placement and explore after schools options for them

Could you stay while Dad is out working maybe?

Is there no other family on dads side who can help out (his mother/sisters etc) could take them out for the day?

Id get Social services involved see what support can be provided, they may pay for daycare/sure start to give breaks in caring

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