How has having children affected your mental health?

[Pshop55]

I guess the title is self explanatory.. but I’m interested to hear how having children affected peoples mental health, particularly anyone who struggled beforehand with anxiety?

0-12 months - very hard. Bit of PPD, especially with the first, exacerbated by terrible sleep.

Toddler/preschool/primary school years - joyful. Best years of my life.

Teens - their MH problems have destroyed mine, sadly. Cannot imagine ever feeling truly happy again, knowing that one of my DC is likely to have lifelong issues.

@Theunhappiestchild Sorry to hear that it sounds tough! Thanks for the reply.

It destroyed my mental health utterly destroyed it.

I had a long history with mental illness entering out patient treatment at 18 and diagnosed with bipolar in my mid 20s. My mood was good and stable when I had my daughter but by 3 weeks post partum I was severely depressed and experiencing psychosis. I had a lot of support from my HV and perinatal mental health team but with limited success and at 10 months I was admitted to a mother and baby unit with severe treatment resistant depression and psychosis. I was discharged at 13 months with no support from the cmht but therapy from the infant parenting service. I managed to go back 4 days a week from 15 months. At 2 years post partum my mood was back to normal for me but I haven't been able to up my hours as i still can't manage to work more than 2 days in a row with suffering mentally.

We did have a difficult time during my daughter's first year. My daughter has severe reflux which she still suffers with at 3, she has 20 food allergies and these made her scream all day when we didn't know what was going on. My mum was caring for 3 85+ year olds. 2 with COPD and one with advanced dementia. My FIL was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when my daughter was a few months old and because of covid he had to shield throughout his treatment and given it's a 4 he journey we couldn't see them. It was just a perfect storm of needing so much help and support and no one being in a position to help us.

For the better, mainly. Because I'm too busy and purposeful to get sucked into existential melancholy. I'm not wondering what to do with myself. I always wanted kids and would be extremely wobbly if I hadn't had them by now.

I've never suffered with significant mental health issues, to be fair. So I'm thinking more of wellbeing than anything really serious.

As someone with a lifelong MH condition (type 1 bipolar) I just wanted to say there's a good chance that there will be times when it's a lot easier. I'm not going to lie my teens and early to mid20s were tricky but as I entered my late 20s managing it got easier. All the help I had had in the previous 10 years started to click into place and I can now see things coming in a way I could never manage when I was 21 and that makes a difference for getting help and support into place. It's not easy but so different to being 18 when it was out of control.
I have managed to do most things I have wanted with my life too. I have PhD and work in my dream job. I have a loving partner and lovely little girl.
I hope you and your child find your path through mental health disorders x

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your post, @Superscientist , it means more to me than you can know.

I really, really struggled through the baby months/year to the point where I would have happily given her back. I never had a second for that reason. However, toddler and over have been great. Love her to bits and love being a mum.

Anyone else?

It wasn't easy as I had a high risk pregnancy so was anxious from the start.

Then he wasn't a great sleeper (still isn't). He's just over 2 and in these 3 years my mum has been terminally ill and passed away.

I don't think if it was just him and his sleep issues, I would've suffered this much. But adding everything else, it's just utterly destroyed me.

I've just started working again (pt) and I'm already feeling the load again.

I don't know if this answers your question haha.

@Mysleepingangel yes it does. I hope things get better for you!

I had to seriously reconsider career. This has left me with a crippling sense of failure.

@Italianita I don’t think anyone should judge whether someone should have a child or not, even with mental illness it’s not always that black or white

Completely ruined my mental health but I’m a lone parent and that’s the bit that’s ruined it probably would have been different if not

I had pre-existing serious mental health conditions. Having a child didn't make them better or worse particularly but has given me more incentive to try and take better care of myself, take my meds, engage in therapy. I am better equipped to handle the bad times now and my DS is a hugely protective factor.

I had severe depression throughout adulthood but pretty much none as a parent. No anxiety issues at all. I love the baby and toddler years, it's a little bubble and I was cut off from my old social life but in a happy way. Just endless days with my DCs, sometimes with DH, lots of activities and excuses to explore the city.

I'm a sahm and for me it's nicer to be able to focus on my DCs, and have lots of rest time, and not have to have anything else like work to worry about or fill my time. I never liked working so that's a plus, and I like the fact I'll have lots more time for myself, for years, once they're in school. I find I'm less anxious about what people think of me because I just don't have much contact with people - I attend activities etc but no meaningful friendships with anyone there. For me it's the perfect balance of having a bit of social contact but keeping people at arm's length.

Good and bad. I don’t think I’d be here if it wasn’t for my DS. Suffer from lifelong depression and have become a lone parent due to ex partner giving up on me due to MH issues. However I do anything to protect my DS from my MH issues and it’s given me a huge push to do everything I can to get better for him. He’s given me hope and strength to survive because I know he can’t without me. However day to day it’s HARD. Stressful and I’ve given up the idea of finding another partner or a job I enjoy and just trying to focus on being the best mum I can be because it’s all I can do. Worst part is having to have emotionally abusive ex in my life (DS’s other parent) and not being able to shut that door on that part of my life. I also worry constantly that DS will inherit my MH issues and sometimes feel guilty for even having him because of that

I have ptsd, cptsd and suspected AUDHD and having my dd massively improved my mental health

I had really bad anxiety pre-kids. After my 2nd Daughter, I noticed it had improved significantly. I think it was because I was forced to meet other Mums, go to a million kids parties etc.

Prior to the girls, I was very resilient and always felt like I c

Felt like I could power through any situation. Since having them, I do have days where I feel like I just can't cope. I have days where I just want to give up. If I'm even slightly ill, I will take the day off now because I just don't have the energy to battle through it.

My mental health has improved since having children. Before my first I was very seriously burning out at work, and had suffered with on/off fluctuating depression from my teens - I just didn't really recognise it, it was completely my normal.

Firstly my children added a wonderful dimension to my life, keeping busy, actually having to do fun things etc! My family life, of which my children are the greatest part, is a real refuge for me. For the most part I really enjoy being with my children.

Secondly, they motivated / triggered me to seriously reflect on my mental health, relationship with my parents, childhood. Having children caused me to unlock and address a lot of stuff. I used to indulge in my misery a bit, suicidal thoughts were kind of a comfort blanket at times. Obviously that isn't an option now and I had to move out of my comfort zone and really address what was going on with me.

Last thing is I've never felt an imposter being their mum. Its a role in my life that I feel I can perform well (enough) whilst being totally myself. Not without constant effort of course but I find parenting very rewarding and validating. It makes the angst about my other roles (at work, within my family, within friendships) just... Less important?

However, I do think a lot of mental health improves as people get on into their 30s anyway. And I have also had blips since the children were born, getting through some very difficult experiences. But the overall trajectory has been positive and my resilience has improved.