Hello...
Mostly to get it off my chest but also maybe for a bit of advice on how to handle it?
For starters - I'm in general not very patient with certain type of a child - whiny, demanding, disrespectful, overly fussy - all of these get my knickers in a twist. My own are clearly not perfect, I'm sure some people don't like them much and obviously we mess them up for the future in our own ways. But they are brought up to understand from a very early age that "I want doesn't get" and the basic level of respect for everyone around them, manner don't cost anything and basically don't be a jerk as a rule of thumb.
We've befriended a family 2 years ago. I do like the parents a lot, especially the mum. She's a hardworking, lovely woman, smart and nice to talk to. She's very lonely where we live (complicated situation - they're refugees who don't speak local language, it just so happened that we can communicate in my native language, a crazy coincidence) and seeks contact with me.
The thing is that I can't stand her precious little daughter :-( Blonde, blue eyed, cute until you know she bites and kicks kids in nursery (my own boy came back with a bite mark on his face when he was still in nursery). I have never heard her saying "please" or "thank you", it's always "I want" and "give me", on rare occasion her demands aren't met immediately there is screaming and kicking, punching and biting. She's very tall for 4 years yet her mum (a petite woman not much bigger than her kids) has to carry her everywhere (dad is not desired by the child to serve as a pony). They used to be very well off and never refused the kids any wishes in shops, now they're really tight on money and the only way they can avoid spending on rubbish toys played with for 5 minutes is by not taking kids to the shops with them. It's one of those families where "no" is a dirty word when used for kids, acts of physical violence by kids are justified in any way possible and teachers are scolded for "inappropriate" punishments - eg, the girl kicked a boy in the face, breaking his glasses, the teachers told her off and slapped her hand, mum gt upset with the teacher...
On top of that the dad is not coping very well with their situation and is of not help whatsoever, with house, kids, money... It's all on this poor woman's head and I wish I could be of more help. Like, take her kid for a week and return it well behaved and helpful (just kidding of course).
She often asks me how is it that my kids are so well behaved, don't scream and shout and do as told without fighting it. She also often wonders why her kids are never happy with anything, always moaning and wanting more toys and attention... Both her and her husband read a lot about parenting prior to having kids and I feel they might have been royally effed up by the "gentle parenting" advice.
I'd love to talk to her more openly - mostly to help her see that parenting does not have to equal slavery and she can still work with her children to make them more bearable, respectful and easy to handle. But how does one do that? Clearly parenting is the most sensitive issue there is to address with friends. Usually it's possible to kind of step back a bit, in her case I'm literally the only person she can socialize with.
Thoughts? Your patience in reading is appreciated :-)