I have two teenagers - 15 &17. They are generally great kids and we get on well most of the time. Our spats are usually minor and short lived. Their dad is around, vaguely, they see him from time to time, when he can fit them in. He can go months without contacting them, though.
It was a very unpleasant marriage, he was psychologically abusive, occasionally physically, too.
Occasionally things happen and for whatever reason, the kids don't want to see him, or he's done something to piss them off but they can't tell him because he's a manipulative, narcisstic dick and will somehow make it their fault.
I say narcisstic, there has been no formal diagnosis, but my god, the ego on the man! When he (rarely) sees the kids, he does the classic fb 'look at what a fabulous dad I am' stuff. He has several thousand sychophantic fb 'friends' who think he's a saint. They haven't a clue.
Anyway, I digress.
The point of my post. Up to recently, when they haven't wanted to see him or talk to him, or do something with him, I've emailed to say "Bob (not his real name) has said he doesn't want to go to ...." or "Mary (not her real name) would rather you call at this time, rather than that time as she's.." But apparently, they get it in the neck from him for not telling him themselves, or he tried to make out to them that it's coming from me. In short, he makes it unpleasant and awkward for them. A lot of the time, they don't want to talk to him; it's really nothing to do with me!
What I want to know, is how I (or we) can tell him something negative without him giving the kids a hard time for it. He really takes their not wanting to see him as a personal attack. Admittedly, sometimes they don't want to see him simply because he's a dick to them, but others, they have a genuine excuse, like having a life that doesn't involve him. They have asked me to re-word emails to avoid putting the blame on them. Like I'm using them as a shield to avoid him having a go at me. But if I simply say 'they're not coming', he'll then accuse me of lying or he'll still have a go at them!
I hope some of this makes sense. I'm in a bit of a pickle with it all.
Thanks for reading all that !