I can't bear it, I can't stand my child!

[Fletchasaurus]

I love her, I do, or I really want to but she is such a bloody screamer I'm cracking up. I can't bear it, I alternate between sobbing and wanting to throw something. I'm still pumping as she had a rough start and wasn't able to breastfeed and I just want to scream and scream. I hate her crying for absolutely no reason, I got sliced open for her and she's so bloody ungrateful. She's a velcro baby who will NOT sleep and I cannot cope! DH takes more than his fair share because I'm doing such a bad job. My mental health has taken an absolutely battering over the pregnancy and then a long neonatal stay and it's too much. I'm under the mental health support team and it's not working!

Stop pumping. I did it for 10 months and it completelty broke me.

We also stayed in NICU, so completely understand the advice/preassure on the breast milk.

Fresh air, for both of you. Leave the baby to sleep in the pushchair outside.

Get earplugs and walk away when it's too much.

Talk to people and get help.

Love to both of you X

Another saying I pumped for three months following a very difficult (nearly fatal for dc) birth.
I absolutely wouldn't stress myself with this nonsense again.
Enjoy formula and cuddles, sleep as much as you can.
Ditch the guilt and the pumping.

Nor me, and I was a midwife in the days of Breast is Best and the guilt tripping of mothers into thinking they were depriving their child if they didn’t breast feed.
It’s far more crucial to have a happy mother than destroy yourself trying to breastfeed, it’s just not worth it.
i breast fed dc1 for 10 months, dc2 for 3 weeks before giving up so I do know a little about how you feel OP 🤗

As everyone else has said - stop pumping. Pumping is awful. I breastfed and only pumped to get a freezer supply, I now wonder why I did, I hated pumping! Give formula. A more rested mum is far more important than breastmilk over formula.

Make sure you have a sling for putting baby in whilst you get any jobs done around the house. And go easy on yourself with cleaning/cooking etc. easy meals, bare minimum of cleaning, only the essentials.

Take breaks for yourself. When your partner is home go take a walk, read a book in a cafe, go for a swim, coffee with a friend, spa day! Whatever will refresh you.

And keep seeing the GP/mental health team.

You got this. It does get easier.

Not sure how old your little one is @Fletchasaurus but the not sleeping, needs held 24/7, and screaming sounds like mine until 14 ish weeks! Now she's a delight.

My advice:
Stop pumping, it's just awful for mental health and feeling touched out. Formula time.
Carrier/sling + walks with headphones, wear it at home so you have two hands to eat etc.
Allow trusted people to take baby out so you can sleep and just be alone - partner should be taking her out walks etc.

My daughter was exactly the same. I tried pumping too but my supply was just shit. My GP told me to just stop and switch to formula, which did help with the feeding and hunger crying but my daughter was still a velcro baby. We got one of those side to side swinging cradles which helped, and her Dad often got her to sleep on his chest whilst I caught up on my sleep. My daughter is 16 now and has been the easiest child to raise once the first year or so had past. I do feel for you though, I remember how bleak those first few months were.

The birth process is hard on babies - find a local cranial oesto who has training in babies - I promise you they can reduce the crying. My son is was the same it’s an accepted thing - Bupa paid for his treatments.

havent rtft (sorry)

but pumping and trying to Bf destroyed my mental health I quit at around 5m but it’s one of the few or only things I would go back in time and change.

I’d honestly jump in an Time Machine go back… slap myself and say “just use fucking formula”

it transformed everything and I feel so sad I robbed myself or enjoying that time by making myself struggle for… I don’t even know what…

also once they hit 12 weeks or so things get progressively easier so hang in there…

I did 8 months ebf, 2-3 months trying to get combi feeding to work and the at 10 and a bit months we went to formula. If I could have gotten combi feeding to work I think that would have been my preferred option. I got my personal preference of breastfeeding and I got the break from not solely being responsible for feeding her. Unfortunately she wouldn't accept a bottle whilst I was breastfeeding. It took an admission into a mother and baby unit to make the switch

My daughters clinginess and permanent crying was due to severe silent reflux and many food allergies. At 4 months she was in my arms 23h a day and fussed cried and screamed for 16-20h a day. We had a big improvement removing dairy and soya from my diet and starting her on high dose omperazole. Since then we have identified 20 food allergies and I had been eating 2-3 of them every meal when she was 4 months old!

I had compassion focussed therapy which is the gold standard for pnd. It didn't work for me due preexisting issues but the other ladies in the group got a lot from it. I also had vig therapy throughout the an infant parenting service and this helped my bond with my daughter immensely. It had got to the point that I couldn't see past my permanent need to be there for her. It involves a psychologist filming you playing looking answer helping questions like " does my baby like me" and "am I a good mother". In the following session we went through short 5-10 second clips and some still showing she did like me and I am a good mum. I had this for 18 months and it was the best help I had for my severe depression and psychosis

Pumping is very difficult work. You've done well to get this far, but if you need to stop STOP. Be kind to yourself - you're doing great!

Get the ready made formula, then have sterilised bottles next to your bed at night. Have the crib right next to you and don’t leave your bed. Hope you start feeling better soon x

Pumping is hard but she may have a dairy intolerance. If you want to carry on, give up dairy for a while and see how you go.

Yes my HV told me that any amount of breast milk in the first few weeks/one feed per day is great as they then get the antibodies etc and formula can be to satisfy their appetite . Formula does fill babies up and they then sleep which is vital for your mental health.
It doesn’t make any difference to how intelligent they turn out… that’s all down to what you do with them in early childhood !

I meant to say in my earlier post. My dad was born in the edge of life at just 1kg in the early 60s.... He was fed condensed milk as it was more calorific than formula and as he spent so long in hospital my nan couldn't breastfeed and didn't want to either.
Really babies need a solution of water, fat proteins, sugar and a few vitamins and minerals as long as what they are being fed contains the appropriate ratios of these they are happy and care a lot less than we do!

Contrary to popular belief you can successfully BF and formula feed. I did and have 4 healthy adult children and know others who have done the same. I got some real flack for telling people this especially after I wrote an article for our local baby group magazine saying how it helped me. I actually got asked to leave the group for promoting bottle feeding! My advice OP i to got out this morning book a GP appointment, buy some formula, bin the pump, and don't look back!

hope you are okay @Fletchasaurus . How old is your DD? X

Thank you all for the supportive comments, I really needed them.

DD is 9 weeks old, but has a variety of health conditions that mean she cannot go more than 4 hours between feeds. Its truly exhausting. She's currently on half breast milk and half high weight gain formula as she was preemie and spent over a month in the neonatal unit. We know she has reflux and is on variety of medications to help with it, which I have learned to prepare and administer.

I'm already dairy free so that should hopefully be making it easier. I am just so overwhelmed and she's so clingy and screamy. I just cannot cope or bear it. I wanted to throw myself down the stairs last night for some peace.

We have to co sleep because she will absolutely NOT go down in a next to me or moses basket, we've kept trying and she is having absolutely none of it.

You poor poor thing you are doing so well under such difficult circumstances....if you are on Facebook I would highly recommend searching for this private Facebook group:

Fed Is Best Infant Feeding Support And Educational Resources

It is moderated by NICU nurses .... You will find lots of mums in there who have been through similar experiences to you and there'll be solidarity.

Hope things improve for you and baby soon xxx

I did not get the rush of love for DD when she was born and also felt overwhelmed by her neediness but I absolutely adore her a year later!

I remember reading that around 8 weeks is the peak of crying, so you are in the worst of it! I kept telling myself that and also telling myself that if she was crying when I was holding her anyway then it wouldn't make a difference if I put her down for a bit and just sat down in the next room for a few minutes. It was easier going back after a rest. I found things started to get easier from around 12 weeks and I ended up absolutely loving the second half of my maternity leave (spring/summer and being able to go for walks helped a lot!)

Sorry baby needs formula she is hungry bless her I had to stop after a month and swap ours to formula and then happy babies

Sorry I noticed your dairy free do you drink soya milk? This can make babies feel very ill thru breast milk I had to stop that as our twins got badly affected

I have never had a baby but just want to say that you are a trooper! Listen to the advice of all those experienced mothers and look after yourself as much as your baby!

stop breastfeeding, it destroyed my mental health for a time, and leave her to cry it out. We had no option but to do that with DS2 and he is a strapping 6ft 13yo now who is top of the class in all subjects and perfectly fine

you cannot martyr yourself to motherhood @Fletchasaurus

Oh op I'm so sorry.
NICU stay, health issues, reflux, it's a fucking awful start.

It's ok to stop pumping. I did it and once I was home from NICU is was so hard. It just doubles all the times. It means there's just no time that isn't feeding or changing or pumping.

Can DH have her for a few hours when she's due a bottle and you get out the house?

Assume you're doing all the stuff like keeping her upright after a feed etc. If she goes into her bed at all have you propped one end up slightly so she's titled?

Please be kind to yourself. You've been through hell, it will eventually get easier but these months are so hard xx