Extreme tantrums, please help!

[GreenSippyCup77]

My DS is 3 in a couple of weeks and I know this age is common for tantrums but I feel his seem to be a lot worse than other kids! Today we had a horrendous public tantrum that seemed to come out of nowhere. We'd been to a music class and popped to the shop on the way home. He wanted to get out of his pushchair and walk, which is normally not a problem. We were in the shop car park so I said he needed to hold my hand, however that seemed to set him off. He decided he wanted to run in front of the cars and started screaming when I wouldn't let him! This went on for what felt like ages. I tried to strap him in his pram but he's really difficult to pin down when he's in such a state. A kind old man tried to help me but we couldn't get him in between us! In the end the same man offered to give us a lift home. I was mortified but couldn't see any other safe way to get my ds home! It was a job to get him in the car (kicking and screaming). He screamed all the way home, and carried on for ages even after we got home. The man even said he thinks I should get him checked by a doctor, in the nicest way possible! My DS did eventually calm down and has been fine all afternoon, but I've been upset/embarrassed/playing the situation over in mind. I don't know what I could have done differently in that situation. My main priority was keeping him out of the road and getting him home safe.

This was probably the worst he's been, but we have had similar before where he just seems to get in s terrible state and it's near to impossible to calm him down. Just wanted to know if this is normal toddler behaviour, albeit the extreme end, and I just need to ride it out. Or if I should get my ds checked by a doctor like the kind old man suggested? My DS is in nursery 2 days a week and they haven't had any concerns with his behaviour. When he isn't in extreme tantrum mode he's the loveliest, funny, intelligent little boy. He just seems to have these crazy outbursts that I'm really struggling to know how to deal with. Any kind words of wisdom or solidarity are greatly appreciated, from a frazzled mum!

Bumping this! Could really do with some advice/kind words to cling on to 😩

We had a few of these! It's horrendous at the time. I remember once wondering what on earth to do as the then 2yo wouldn't get in the buggy, kept getting out and running away screaming while the 1yo was tyred and hungry and we were about a mile from home. I think it took a good couple of hours to get home! For us it was normal but probably at the more intense end of normal - we are a few years on and she's still prone to it but it's less often and a bit easier to manage these days.

I don't think you need to see a doctor - the man was probably trying to be nice. Just stick with it, this too shall pass!

Threenager

Don't worry, it will pass!

Thank you, it really is so nice to know it’s not just my child! Horrendous is the perfect word to describe it though! I can’t even begin to imagine how I would cope with a 2nd child as well, so hats off to you. Good to know it passes. Guess I’ll just have to grit my teeth for the time being! Thanks again for your reply, I feel better already!

Sounds pretty normal to me. To go to a music class might be really tiring for your child. Than a busy. Car park and supermarket visit on top might have just been too much for him in terms of energy/behaviour demand and sensory overload. Next time go to the shop separate trip from the class. Sounds like you’re doing fine to me! Careful of what lifts (!) and advice you absorb about your parenting/your children from strange men, no matter how seemingly well meaning.

Was he overstimulated from the music class? Tired or hungry? Sometimes there’s no reason, it’s just them blowing off steam even though it can be hugely embarrassing! The only thing I would’ve done differently would be to maybe go straight home after the class with him in the pram and not letting him out of it. Not sure it worthy of a doctor visit if all other times he’s generally fine.

My only advice is to not worry about any audience or what anyone else thinks. Just concentrate on keeping you both safe. If you can, try to avoid triggers like getting over-tired or over-stimulated but ultimately we all have to learn to cope with stress and disappointment. At three, sometimes these feelings are just too big to regulate. If you're safe at home he may settle quicker if left alone (ish) rather than you trying to reason with him.

Thanks everyone! I do think he was probably over stimulated, in hindsight. We’ve only just got back (on Monday) from a 4 week holiday over Christmas, so I think its all a bit much and things he’d normally cope with fine are maybe causing a bit of sensory overload. Thanks so much for all the advice, I feel a lot better about the situation ☺️

Yes threenager. He had some energy to burn off.
My daughter was like this. You wait till he's 12 and wants to out somewhere on his own! Hell do the same.

What an upsetting thing for you. No specific tantrum advice, but if trying to get an unwilling child into a buggy or car seat, I always found that tickling them helped. When they laugh, they collapse a bit, and you can quickly whip the straps on. Good luck!

@hellonewtimesahead the tickling advice is genius! I will definitely be trying that next time (although not hoping for a next time!) thank you!