16 month old wont sleep.

[Sleepisnonexistant]

I dont know where to turn and hoping someone may have some advice. Since my LO hit 4 months sleep has been awful. At its worst she was waking every 45 mins all night long. This went on for months and months. She was found to have a CMPA and soya allergy and since cutting these out she is marginally more settled. She still generally only sleeps for 3 hours max at a time and I can only get her to sleep by feeding and Co sleeping. Shes 16 months old now, when will it get better?!!! Getting her in to her cot is impossible, night time or naps. I'm so exhausted that I go to bed at 8 ish every night just tp try and get any sleep. And i end up in bed with her, holding her or driving the car while she naps so i never get any kind of break. My mental health is awful and I'm in a really low place at the moment. I turn down invites from friends to do anything as its impossible and the only 'break' I have is going to work in a very stressful job 3 days a week. Think I hit rock bottom this week as somehow I managed to get pregnant (even though on the pill and can count on one hand how many times me and my husband have had sex since our LO was born!!!) and I made the impossible decision to have an abortion. I feel so empty since I've done it. I would love more than one child but couldn't cope at the moment. I see mum friends I have made going out with friends, to the gym and even happily planning a second child, while I struggle to even go to the toilet or take a shower. Where am I going so wrong?! How can get her to sleep a bit more independently so I have a break? My husband is really low too and we just seem to be stuck in this groundhog day, fighting to get through every night and day together. Please tell me it will get easier soon.

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry your feeling this way, what a tough time your having. My DD was the same from about 3 months and the lack of sleep is crushing. I have never felt so low, and alienated from myself and others in my entire life. By the time she was 6 months I had had enough. We moved her into her own room, into her own cot and did the ferber method of sleep training.

I never wanted to sleep train if i could help it, but i was losing my mind. Looking back i was most certainly depressed, my DD was miserable all the time because she wasn't getting enough sleep and i was desperate to try something.

I never expected it to work, my DD required HOURS of bouncing, rocking, feeding etc to get her to sleep - and then their was trying to lay her down and not wake her up. It only took 15 minutes to get her to sleep the first night, where she slept for 6 hours, woke for a feed, ent back down for 4 hours, woke for a feed and slept then for another 2 hours.
By night 3 she was asleep within 8 minutes.

Point of my post - your LO is never to old to be sleep trained if your desperate. It feels horrid to do, but i kept telling myself its a necessary evil. You all need good sleep to be the best parent you can be x

@Sleepisnonexistant sorry to hear this. We were in a very similar position with sleep. It got to the point where I was worried for my LO's health/development because he wouldn't sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. It was also awful for my mental/physical health and DH's to an extent.
In the end we used a sleep training method that involved leaving DC to cry for little periods of time. It sounds awful, and it was really tough at the time but it only took about a week until DS learned to self soothe. There are various methods out there, some more intense than others. Ours was fairly gentle, starting at 6 mins, then 8 mins, then we did eventually have to leave him for longer, but it was life changing. We just told ourselves that it was for his benefit (which it was!). You really need to be in it together as there were so many times i said "im going in" and DH stopped me and vice versa. He did still sometimes wake up for a minute or two to cry but would go to sleep, and now he sleeps through from 1900-0600. If it is too difficult, i hear there are some sleep specialists that come and stay at your house for a few days to complete the "training" for you...
Best of luck with whatever you plan to do; it seems interminable but you will get there eventually.

It might be worth trying sleep training.
It isn't fun but can be very effective....I'm afraid I was fairly ruthless and knelt by the cot for 3 hours straight when he was 2 and a half years old lying him down every time he stood up. He cried the entire time. Then went asleep and literally has slept through the night ever since...he is now 5.
He had been a good sleeper but started waking at night and we were taking him into our bed and we were very sleep deprived.
I rationalised it to myself by thinking how bad it could be if I fell asleep at the wheel....very possible as I was so exhausted.
It is really tough having to go through the crying and listening to them being so upset but it can be very effective. They will still love you in the morning and everyone is a better parent after a good night's sleep.

Also I'm so sorry about what you've been through....I'm sure there's a lot of grief and sadness. You might need some professional emotional support around the abortion as it's a hard subject to broach with friends. It does sound like it was an impossible decision with the way things are for you at the moment....time is a healer for these things but I can imagine how empty you must be feeling right now xxx

It WILL get better. You are doing a great job. One hour at a time, one day at a time. When your little one starts to sleep, and she WILL, everything WILL clear. Counselling is a good shout but get some rest first. Please post again soon, you are fantastic for reaching out x

Hey OP, it sounds like you've had such a tough time and you must be exhausted. Like others, I recommend the Ferber method. It sounds like your LO has strong sleep associations and hasn't learned how to self settle. I'm afraid the only way to do that is to break that habit and you may as well do it now before she's even older. Do you have a free weekend soon where you and DH can dedicate every night to it? It shouldn't take more than a week at most and likely less. If you wanted to you could change one thing at a time, either feeding to sleep or co-sleeping. I'd start by stopping feeding to sleep so she learns she can get back to sleep without that and then move her to own cot.

Also, have you considered spending a couple hundred pounds on getting a sleep consultant? It sounds like it would be really worth it and they'd answer all your questions and support you through the process.

Thanks everyone. Did you find the ferber method better for night sleep or naps first? Or just go full on and do everything