Sex talk - what age?

[Mumtum88]

I’m mum to 2 girls. Eldest is 9, turning 10 in a few months…
The subject of sex came up about a year ago and I just rightly or wrongly said when she was old enough we’d talk about it.
I know there touching on puberty now in school and she’s said there’s been a few people shouting 69 etc out when they have the lessons. I’ve just been looking on her phone and it would seem she’s been trying to google sex, 69 etc but we have parental controls on so I doubt she’ll of seen anything she shouldn’t. I want to have the relationship where she comes to me over google but is 9 to young?

What the flipping heck is a 9yr old doing with a phone!?!?!?

I think 9 is too old to have waited to tell your daughter about sex.

😦 WTF?! Don't be so utterly ridiculous...! Telling a 9yr old about sex (not to mention any younger) is nothing short of abuse. Birds & the bees in a reproductive sense, yes. Sex? Nope. Sorry but that's abuse imo

The majority of 9 year olds have phones and have done for years now. There's usually only 1 or 2 in the class who don't have one.

This is so disturbing it's actually brought tears to my eyes

@thedementedelf Nonsense! They don't need phones at 9! Not a single child below year 6 has a phone in our school and only 5 do in year 6

3 was also when I bought 'mummy laid an egg' and read it to him. I was read the body book at 4 and thank God my mum was straight forward about it because when I was touched inappropriately at 5 I told her immediately because I knew what was happening and had the language to explain it.

Don't be so ridiculous!! You can explain all about how babies are made in a child friendly way. It protects against sexual abuse, you ninny!

We've been talking about periods, changes to bodies, differences between boys and girls bodies since mine were about 6/7 years old and always tried to honestly answer other questions that arose before then.

They get taught it all in school in P6 (age 9/10) including sex. So by the time mine had those classes they knew most of it.

Both of mine (DD particularly) are really comfortable discussing all aspects of this with me and DH in a way I would have never dreamed of speaking to my own parents.

What are you on about 😂 you do know that sex is how you make babies right? The sperm doesn’t just float in the air and find an egg.

Child abuse, honestly. Are you always so dramatic?

Dd has known how babies are made (penis goes into a vagina, and puts sperm in a woman’s womb which fertilises an egg from the ovaries) since she started asking questions about where they come from.

It’s far worse to make sex and baby-making and periods and your body a taboo subject that can only be talked about in mad roundabout ways than using the scientific terminology and explaining it clearly age appropriately.

There are thousands of threads about what age for phones. No need to derail this one.

@BetrayedAuntie you are very out of touch. Year 5 in primary they have a full on hygiene and changes to your body talk. In a year group of 90 children there are often at least 2 girls who start their periods in year 4 which is aged 8 -9. There are sanitary bins in the toilets for year 4 girls. We often give them a sneaky biscuit if they are feeling shit and are sitting out of class because of period cramps.

Children being able to name their body parts helps them to know what things are off limits, ie the NSPCC pants songs. This helps to prevent abuse or if abuse has happened they can say specifically what happened.

There is a great book called Mummy Laid an Egg and there are read throughs on Youtube. Mine had this from 3 because I was pregnant with his brother so I had a baby in my tummy.

It is an ongoing conversation not a one off talk. The Usborne book What is Happening to Me? is a good book about changing bodies, it comes for each sex but the book briefly talks about the other sex too. Also talk about consent, not for sex but of her body, who she hugs and if she wants to kiss a relative goodbye. She chooses, she can say no. We teach them hands to themselves from year 3 unless you know your friends is happy to have you put your hands on your shoulders type thing.

Just be open, don't tell her she has to wait, you don't have to answer her on the spot, tell her to give you a minute or two to think about to phrase something in an age appropriate manner. If you don't answer she will either google and probably on someone else's phone that isn't as locked down as hers or she will ask someone.

It's actually neglectful not to tell them.
They need a clear explanation, with their body parts correctly named.

Girls are starting their periods younger and younger these days.

A poster (might've been you can't remember) said they told their 3 year old what sex is. I wouldn't tell a toddler about eggs and sperm because then you'd have to explain how the sperm gets to the egg which involves the physical act of sex. It's just too much. I wouldn't introduce the topic of sex unless the child was going through or reaching the average age of starting puberty.

It's not nonsense at all.

I wouldn't tell a toddler about eggs and sperm because then you'd have to explain how the sperm gets to the egg which involves the physical act of sex

You don't though. Kids that age absorb what they're ready for. They don't immediately leap to the next bit and the next bit and the next bit.

A conversation about a baby brother growing in mummy's (or whoever's) tummy is pretty common with three year olds, but still part of sex education. It's not usually for another year or so that they ask more details. And that's when you talk about daddy putting a seed in which joins with mummy's egg. It's usually at least another year or two before they then start to question how he puts the seed there. As another poster put it, you're laying a breadcrumb trail. You don't give them the entire loaf at once!

And if they ask earlier so what! Are farming kids known to be damaged by seeing pigs mating as part of their everyday life?

It wasn't be but if it was the answer to a question I might depending on the context

For background I was sexual abused by my friends older brother I was 5 and he was 7. He did it too his sister too and their mum's response when we told her was "sex can't happen until your 18". Sexual exploration by children can and does begin before puberty and saying it can't or won't doesn't change this. I didn't have the language to describe what was happening and didn't know it wasn't a normal game for 5 year olds to play. It wasn't until my 20s I was able to bring words to the experience. So yes I will be talking about sex when it arrives and talking about when it's appropriate and not. I certainly won't go in to any details beyond what the situation dictates.
For example I was recently on my period and my 3 yo queried why my wee was red (public toilet and not a lot of privacy!). I could have gone into the details about periods but didn't have the time and it wasn't the place so just said some times mummy's have red wee and need a cloth nappy like she used to have. Next time I will venture further in the conversation if we are at home and in a safe place. I didn't want her to get upset by the idea of mummy bleeding just as we were going into a swimming lesson!

Her dad has told her I pooed her out since birth and we would discuss eggs and maybe leave sperm for the following lesson as you said it does open you up to questions. We have friends in same sex relationship with children so I would expect the conversation to expand to how it work with two mummies too

😂😂😂last time I checked the “birds and the bees in a reproductive sense” is better known as..sex.

9 / 10 is far too old. Sex shouldn't be some unknown within the family, kids will hear all sorts at school anyway. Most important to talk about consent at that age.

Now.

Before she sees things/hears things. Take control

If she’s asking, she’s old enough to know. Obviously it needs to be age appropriate but why hide it from her? She’ll find out herself and maybe misinformed.