To expect nursery to spoon feed?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

DD 3.5 attends private nursery full time largely without issue. She is on the ASD pathway for diagnosis driven by her sound sensitivity and speech delay.

She’s having a rough time readjusting back after Christmas compounded by how her sensory sound issues are always at a peak this time of year.

I went to collect her last night and she looked absolutely done in. I asked if she had eaten as she had skipped a few meals last week and they said no. Skipped all three meals plus snacks. They said “she wants us to spoon feed her”.

DD has often needed support during meal times - normally just someone sat near her. In the previous room they would keep trying all day including taking her to a quiet room with something like a yoghurt or some toast but obviously now the ratio is bigger in the preschool room.

I am really upset that they think it’s ok for a child not to eat for nine hours without either

spoon feeding her something
or
calling me to let me know so I can come and collect her early and bring food with me.

Am I expecting too much for a level of common sense to be used here?

I’ve been pushing them hard to apply for inclusion funding etc to help perhaps bring in some extra support for her at meal times but they are being quite slow.

what would you do here?

(please don’t suggest a childminder as that would not work for her).

thanks!

I have worked with autistic children and that age they were all feeding themselves.
You have to be consistent. You have to stop spoon feeding at home and pack her lunch that she can eat with hand- she must have some type of food and healthy snacks that she likes and can manage by herself.
You can make the nursery spoon feed her, but eventually she will need to learn eating without help.

If it’s literally one day that she didn’t eat I wouldn’t expect to have a call, I’m guessing your daughter has dinner with you. I would expect to be told on handover.

Is there any food she would eat independently? Like a brioche bun or banana? You could provide them in a little bag so if she doesn't eat nursery food then she can have them. High calorie milkshakes from a previous poster are a great idea too. I'm a teacher of older children and if children with SEND don't eat much we have back up food available sent in from home to ensure they eat.

This thread is so frustrating OP. I feel the pain here.

Re the comment here about you working with autistic children who could feed themselves is totally unhelpful. All autistic children have different challenges and traits that will be a problem for them in different situations. This child is struggling with transition of care from home and Christmas chaos to loud over stimulation of nursery. OP is clear that she can and does eat well there most of the time. Right now she needs more support as she readjusts to the environment.

I have two autistic kids and I totally get this.

Given OP has told the nursery about her challenges has the support requests in progress. I don't think extra support is unreasonable. What is unreasonable and inadequate care is letting the child not eat for 9 hrs.

I'm not saying they should agree to spoon feed her but they can have a meeting with OP about reasonable adjustments to get the child over this.

Good luck op