What was your experience like living in two homes? Children of Divorced parents

[Anonymousmuma]

For those from divorced families.. I'm wondering about your different experiences of living between two homes....

I share custody of my five year old son with my ex and we are trying to work out the best custody arrangement for him..

At the moment he is with me Monday night, dad- tues weds nights, me - Thursday/ Friday nights and then we split the weekend... but think this could be too much transition for him...

I'm worried he never feels like he has a solid home ..We are thinking the 2,2,3 schedule for him.

I'd be grateful to hear about your experiences of living between two homes, did you prefer to have more time at each house with each parent and less transition? .. I'm desperate to find positive experiences of those who went through it or what worked best?? Everything I read is always so negative and I'm desperate to find the best solution for his wellbeing for now and future...

I spend the week with my dad and the weekend with my mum. Both felt like home and I can honestly say it was the best thing for everyone concerned. I was 12 though when we started so quite an age difference to your DS. From my current own family dynamic, we've found less transition to be better so equal time at both mum and dads.

I'm a psychologist and my advice would be fewer transitions is much better for children. I would not advocate moving your child every two days. I think as adults we would find that really destabilising and it's worse for kids. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, only that you asked for advice.

As a teen my best friend spent 1 week with her Mum and the following week at her Dad's. it worked well for them.

We stayed at my mum’s during the week and then dad’s house at the weekend. Yes, the less transitions the better then they can settle. Make sure they have a permanent space in the home no matter how little space there is. Their own set of clothes already at yours so they don’t feel like a guest bringing their own luggage to the house.

Dads during week mums at weekend it was shit total different dynamic rules everything at each house best advice try to have similar rules and boundries

I know a couple of people who have change over day on a Wednesday then it means they both get a full weekend every other week. I guess it really depends on how close you and your ex live and the age of the child and your jobs etc

ExH and I decided on alternating days (unconventional, I know but it meant that we’d each continue to see DC every day). DC were under 6 at the time and are quite happy with the arrangement 7 years later. I recently asked if they would like fewer transitions and they said no. But it really depends on how far apart the homes are, how well you can communicate and co-parent with your ex, how organised you are, etc. They have their own bedrooms in each home with clothes, toys, books etc in each home so as far as they’re concerned, they have two homes rather than feeling like they are visiting one of them.

That's reassuring to hear... I honestly worry about it so much and can't stand the idea of him feeling like he doesn't have a solid home... is always moving between two homes but his dad wants to do 50/50..... his dad and I are on good terms ..it is just so unfair that the children are the ones who have to suffer...

Soem parents move in and out so the child stays at the main home. Works for some.