Business trip - feel wobbly

[ludocris]

I used to travel a lot for my work, pre-DS. Since he was born (he's nearly 6!) I haven't been away from him for more than two nights.

I have a chance to go on an amazing once-in-a-lifetime trip which will entail around 10 nights away. It's a bit of an 'off the beaten track', cultural immersion type experience. I feel really wobbly about being away for 'so long' from him and also what if something happens to me?

Please tell me to get my big girl pants on and just do it.

Put your big girl pants on and go! Plan nice things for him, regular keep in touch point and focus on how much good it will do you. You deserve!

More information needed I think. Why are you worried about something happening to you? Is it a dangerous place you're visiting? Is the trip required for your job? And do you trust the people who will be looking after your son?

I'm sure most people will tell you to go, which you probably should, but it's also perfectly fine if you don't want to leave your young son for that long and don't want to go.

Yes, what are the actual risks to you?

I'll be leaving my son with DH who I trust entirely.

The trip is to Southeast Asia. It will involve visiting a rural area on a popular island but as part of an organised group. It will also involve some domestic flights and visits to a couple of big cities for business meetings on my own. It's not a particularly unsafe country for women AFAIK, and I don't have any reason to think the risks to me would be much higher than when I'm at home except that I'll simply be travelling more than usual, and I don't know if the roads and air safety are quite as safe as in the UK. I suppose the accommodation situation in the rural area worries me a bit but there will be others in the group staying in the same compound and I will have a lockable room.

I don't 'have' to go, hence the doubts. But it would be good for me professionally and good for my employer.

I think my concerns for my safety stem from two things. One is that since having my son I am generally much more concerned for my (and his) safety (this has also lead to health anxiety). Secondly I've been listening to loads of true crime podcasts lately 😳

Wow OP go. What a great opportunity. DS will be fine with his dad.

Can you bring them with you?? Not during work obvs, but can hang with them during non work hours... i mean you get free hotel right

My son is 6 and I personally couldn’t be away from him for that length of time, my anxiety wouldn’t allow it and It just wouldn’t work for us. Good luck with whatever you decide to do

My husband is going on a trip for 10days that his work are paying for as a "thank you". He will go without a care in the world, have a lovely time, and make a fuss of the kids when he gets back (they are already guessing what treat he will get them from the airport for them). I have an abroad hen do booked (close friend) and had exactly the same worries as you before my husbands trip got booked. Since seeing how carefree he is about his, I've decided to let myself off the hook and enjoy every second when i go. He deserves a break, no question. But so do I.

Basically, go - have the best time - you and your son will both be fine. Us mums deserve time away too.

Hey,

so glad I’m reading this - tomorrow I’m going away for work reasons for 4 nights. Not too far away, only a few hours drive. But I’ve cried and cried all day about leaving my kids and husband. I’ll miss them so much! I too suffer with health anxiety and have been thinking what if something happens to me! But I have to go! I’ve never left them overnight before, and haven’t slept anywhere alone for over 12 years!! Freaking out much 🤣🤣🤣

I was even debating coming home each night!

I’m sure we will be fine when we go away, try and enjoy it as it doesn’t happen often!

lots of love xx

When I was a young child my mother went away for about 7 days for a business trip. She left seven envelopes behind - she had pre-written me daily letters that I opened and read with my dad every night. She wrote about what she would be doing each day, how much she’d be thinking of me, and that she hoped I was having so much fun with my dad and grandparents. I loved the anticipation and routine of reading a short letter from her every day - I felt so close to her even though she was in another country. At the end of each letter was a count down of the days until she got home so I had a rough idea of when she’d come back. I still have those letters today safely in a box and I’m nearly 30! Might be an idea for your little one.

Oh, I identify so strongly with this! I have serious anxiety about something going wrong whenever I’m away from my kids. Obviously you can’t guarantee that everything will be fine, but it likely will be, and we can’t avoid everything, because life has risks. I’m sure your kiddo will miss you, but he’ll be fine. And you’ll miss him, but you’ll also get a little break, and a chance to remember yourself as person, and not just a parent. It’ll be a great adventure, and I’m sure the worries will fade once you’re there.

My husband and I both travel for work, each at least once per year for minimum of 1 week. In the beginning I had to do several trips to a neighbouring island with a night staying there. We always do something extra fun with our DS if the other parent is away, so he sees benefits as well. In a few weeks I have to travel long haul to Europe and looking forward to it. Will miss my son and husband, but planning few days with my family in mijn native country and having a conference elsewhere after that. One of the things I enjoy is looking for a great gift that we cannot get on our island and surprise them with it. For me, they are then part of my trip, next to calling each night. Once conference is over, I do not want to stay any longer and want to be back home asap. But in total about 10 days.

I think you should go, it’s equally important to be present for your kid as it is for him to see you doing cool, interesting things for yourself. I also travel for work and it is hard to leave my son but he’s fine with his dad and we make up for it with fun activities and quality time when I’m back.

I’d go! I’d miss them but I’d still do it. Can keep in touch etc. I had to go in hospital for 2 weeks and they weren’t allowed in there, I know it’s different but they were ok. They were 3 and 1 at the time xx

Go, that is an amazing opportunity!

I had to go on a business trip to Portugal last year when my DD was around 1.5years old for 6 days, I was very anxious about going but it turned out great. We FaceTimed every morning and night and my husband did lots of fun things with her.

I have never left mine for that long, but if that kind of opportunity arose for me I would definitely go. If you were heading somewhere with a dubious crime record like Honduras I could understand your safety concerns, but I can't think of anywhere in SE Asia that would present any real concerns to your safety. It's a fab part of the world. Your health anxiety is clearly very real though, so I think you need to be sure you are fully committed to travelling, and or get some support for your anxiety, before you allow work to spend any non refundable money booking the trip for you.

Get yourself off. That sort of anxiety will control your life. While worrying is normal, you do need to recognise these particular worries as irrational and unlikely.

Put your big girl pants on and go 🙂

For me, it being beneficial professionally helps me rationalise it.
I am a lone parent and can only travel for work when my adult son comes home to hold the fort for my teenager.
It's a palaver to organise but VERY worth it.

I’ve cried and cried all day about leaving my kids and husband. I’ll miss them so much! for 4 days?
Honestly, your children will survive and likely have a ball with their dad.
I always find these comments very dramatic and I really hope the DC. don't see their mothers carrying on like this.
OP, go and enjoy this trip, your 6 yr old will be fine.

@Kwam31 Yes for 4 days - I suffer very badly with anxiety, and the thought of leaving home really makes me anxious.

and no I don’t cry in front of my children, I’m a better mum than that.

Try and think before you speak.

Single mum to three here. I'll go if you like 😂

Thank you for all of the replies, I only just noticed them now.

Just to respond to a couple of the comments, I love the idea of writing him little letters to open whilst I'm away! And to the other person who mentioned getting support for my health anxiety, I'm actually having my first appointment with a therapist this week! 😊

I wouldn’t go imagine if something did happen.

No one may ever see this update, but I thought I'd share that I just got back from my trip and it was fabulous 😁

With somewhat comic timing, I found out two weeks before I left that I am pregnant. This did not ease my concerns in any way, as I'm sure you can imagine! But had an early scan today and all seems well 😊

Didn't see your thread when you wrote it but I've just read through and I'm so glad you went and had a fantastic time. And congratulations on your pregnancy! Xx