Nearly 3 year old bed time

[auberginefortea]

Mainly looking for tips to ask what, if anything, we're doing wrong.

DS, nearly 3 in Feb falls asleep around 9pm and wakes around 7.30 to 8am (although for a while now, he's been waking around 2am and coming into our bed). We let him sleep for an hour at around 1pm.

Getting him to sleep is always a struggle and he needs us to be in the room with him. He doesn't seem to be overly tired, but I read of children his age going to bed at 7, 7.30pm.

Are we doing something wrong, and if so what?

I'd say drop the nap. Both of mine were done with naps before 3.

Once he is sleeping (with you in the room) earlier, then work on getting him to fall asleep without you.

Could you cut the nap? If he doesn't seem tired by bedtime then it might be time for it to go.

Yes, could drop the nap - but it seems he needs it. Over Christmas, we lost our usual rhythm and so he'd miss his sleep and could be a bit of terror around 5pm. Still, it is the age it starts to go.

The other benefit of the nap is it gives a bit of free time in the afternoon to get stuff done, though that's not why we should keep it.

It's so hard when the nap needs to go, both on the child and parent! It doesn't have to go cold turkey though, some days he could miss it and will inevitably be ratty around 5 but you just distract and push theoufh to bedtime, which could be 6.45/7 if he is exhausted. Another day he could have 20 mins and bedtime might be 7.30/8.

7 o'clock might work.
He is tired and bratty without his nap.
Drop the nap, bathe and feed him when he is tired and bratty and pop to bed. In the night attend to him without lights or conversation, except whispers of going back to his bed. and take him back to bed.

When mine first dropped their naps it became a challenge to keep them awake past 6pm, so there was lots of early bedtimes for the first couple of weeks. Once or twice they were even asleep before dh got in at half five.

They soon adjust.

You'll gain more time with a reliable 7pm bedtime you don't have to sit with them til 9pm and losing the hour or so in the middle of the day.

ok, thanks for the tip - we may try dropping the nap and see how it goes

Yep drop the nap. We struggled with getting to 7pm at first, but I couldn’t cope with the 9/10pm bedtimes if they napped!

My DS will turn 3 next month too. He dropped his nap at 2.5 as otherwise he'd make us mad jumping on till 9.30-10pm. We dropped his nap. He feels tired but we do be a quiet activity like reading. But he sleeps then at a 7 and then we get our evening!!

@auberginefortea Totally with you on the sadness of losing the free hours in the afternoon 😂 That was when we used to clean the house at the weekend.

Still, now that the nap has gone my son can enjoy more of our time spent out of the house without being a cranky bum when it's coming up to nap time.

It doesn't even have to be an all or nothing. You may find by day 3 of dropping it he needs a drive round the block after lunch for a 20min snooze. Then back to no naps for 3 days or so. Just go with the flow. Aim for no naps, accept the earlier bedtimes that will come, and do short cat naps on desperate days.

Accept there'll be no time "off the clock" in the day for you now but it will reap its reward when you can tuck them into bed at 7 and go downstairs knowing you won't see them again til 7am.

We cut the nap to 30 mins max before completely dropping it. You could try that first.

Also, it doesn't have to be no nap ever. You might want him to still have it if he wakes up really early for example. Also be aware that driving anywhere post 3pm will most likely still send him to sleep.

It's a transitional period, so be prepared to be flexible and play it by ear!

We also did encourage our DC to have "quiet time" in their bedroom looking at books or playing. This happened with varying success...

Between 2y9m and 3y3m my daughter partially dropped her nap. On days when she had a nap she went to sleep 8.30 -9 and on days when she didn't she went to sleep at 7.30-8 going up to bed at 7. Routine is medication down stairs upstairs for PJ's and teeth then a story with a cup of oat milk and then mouthwash. She then goes into her bed and we have another story in bed and I sit with her whilst she goes to sleep. If she had a nap we went up at 7.15 and did a jigsaw up there and an extra story. Now she has properly dropped her nap we have shift bedtime back 5 minutes and she is now reliably asleep between 7.25 and 7.40.

She has reflux not controlled by medication that means she can wake frequently through her night but if her reflux is ok she can sleep through until 6.30-8.

If they are having a nap at 3, I think 8pm onwards for sleep isn't necessarily a problem but I would be starting a calm time in their bedroom at a time close to where you would expect their bed time to be once they have dropped the nap.

My DD continued to have 2 hour naps until she started reception at age 4. She would go to bed at 9-9.30pm and wake at 7am. It worked for us, we enjoyed spending time with her after work and she would nap comfortably out and about so it didn't stop us going out all day. When she started school she had to drop her nap but she still goes to bed around 9.30pm and wakes at 7am with no problems, and does after school activities every day.

I am in the UK, but in Asian countries it's more common for children to continue to nap and to stay up lafter. Its just a matter of preference really.

Hi, that does sound tiring and perhaps slowly phasing out the nap time would help out a bit with the waking up. I've always found these articles quite helpful as well. Getting Children To Stay In Bed The Bedtime Struggle

My son dropped his nap just before turning 2.

He's now just 3 and his bedtime is about 6.30. He sleeps for 12-13 hours solidly.

We wind down from about 4pm, tea at 5, bath, stories, then bed. He's asleep within 5 minutes every night.

I liked it when he dropped his nap - makes the day easier and the evenings longer!

Agree with dropping the nap at that age. To begin with try and have more chilled days if possible and bring forward bed time a little as they adjust.
Good luck 😀

Thanks for all the advice - I see that phasing out the naps, although expecting a few bumps along the way is the path we'll take. Last night he went to bed at 10pm, which was pretty exhausting (plus he woke around 4am and came into our room with some odd demands).