Can I ask what you do when your kids throw up?

[achangeofaname]

I know this must seem like a stupid question and I wasn't even sure where to put it. I am a severe emetophobe, stemmed from my DM's brain cancer when I was a child. Anyone who knows the phobia knows it can be completely debilitating and lead to lots of other variations of OCD and contamination obsession, agoraphobia, panic, not leaving the house etc.

Anyway, despite this awful condition, I have 3DC and they are young and primary school age where they are picking up sickness bugs about 1-2 times every few years. I have been through periods of coping much better with this but I am going through a particularly bad patch of an outright panic attack and inability to function for weeks when it happens.

This morning, DS7 came in to tell me he'd had diarrhoea and felt sick. I went through the usual motions of taking him downstairs, putting him on the sofa, laying down towels, getting him a bowl and a drink of water, sticking the telly on etc, all while trying to control my breathing which was getting out of control, and to try and hold in my own diarrhoea - (this is my automatic adrenalin response to whenever my DC say they might get sick, it happens every time like clockwork.)

Then there's the wait. He doesn't want me to leave him, so I am pacing around, trying to look calm but asking him every 30seconds how he's feeling. Better or worse than 30 seconds ago? etc. I just don't know what to do with myself at this point, what to say, what to do, where to be? I really want to hear from parents who do not have a fear of this, or the anticipation of this, how this works for you?

Do you sit next to them? Cuddle them? Are you holding them while they throw up? Do you stay in the same room? Or do you just point to the bowl and say "do it in there." Do you get on with work and life and leave them with a bowl on the sofa? Do your kids panic when it happens? How do you calm their panic? What kind of things do you say?

I know it may seem strange to be asking these questions, but I just have no process or go-to for this. My childhood was very chaotic around illness with my mum and her terrible and dramatic vomiting from brain cancer and chemo being at the centre of everything for everyone at home.

I think I'm quite brutal once they're past 5.

I remove all cuddly toys/cushions from the bed/sofa and use a puppy pad and/or towel(s) - also on the floor.

I give them a BIG bowl and make it clear that they must try to get the vomit into it.

I limit food and drink for several hours until things are settling down. Then it's just fluids until it's clear the vomiting has finished (or moved south) If they say they're thirsty I encourage them to rinse their mouth, not drink.

I would encourage sleep or rest and discourage gaming or active play.

Between 8 and 10 I would be directing them to the toilet to vomit and once older than this I would have some expectation that they attempt to clear up if they 'miss' (I would also clear up afterwards)

I would be more likely to stroke hair (and make sure hair is tied back) or rub their back than to cuddle. Probably because they're often hot and sweaty at the same time.

I try to keep it fairly calm - it's pretty normal and I think they need to know that. Sometimes they do panic because it's painful, uncomfortable and scary at times. I would acknowledge they feel awful and just keep letting them know it will get better soon.

7 is old enough to stay in the bathroom and use the toilet to throw up

I stay with them with a breezy air and fanny around in the hall etc bit of faffing re arranging the airing cupboard etc

point is no fuss and tell them ah this is horrid but will pass soon. Everyone gets it and when it's over you will feel so much better and have a lovely sleep.

That sounds really tough OP. It also sounds like you are working hard to be the best mum so you should be proud of yourself. Sounds like your childhood was really traumatic.

I would say your best bet is to pop towels down and them on the sofa and make yourself busy in a room nearby. That way you can try and distract yourself and concentrate on your breathing. I would also be letting myself go to the toilet if I had loose bowels because holding that in will make you feel worse.

I think I've got a good balance now between being proactive (asking them to do their best to get it in the bowl or toilet) and giving them comfort (stroking their back and holding hair up in necessary). I will cuddle once they have stopped being sick but after they have washed their hands and I also don't kiss on the lips haha! I just kiss on their heads. I try to make them realise it's very normal, not nice but a part of life and it will all be better soon. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it but I think the focus should be on giving love even if that's just through words and staying calm.

Good tip for when you're cleaning up horrible stinky sick that wafts back at you, making you feel sick too.....sprinkle bicarbonate of soda over it. Works to deodorise travel sick accidents in cars too - especially those ones where the sick gets down every crevice and you can't clean it all up properly straight away. And baby sicky spit up over your shoulder too.

Could you read to him instead of putting the TV on? It might provide a distraction for you?

DS1 is a bit younger but I basically do all that you do (prep with bowls, towel etc) but I would check on how he's feeling after an hour or so, not every 30s. And if he wanted me to be with him (and I didn't have other things I needed to do!) then I'd sit on the sofa and ideally watch a film that we could both have some interest in, but probably because I'm a sucker watch the dross that is PJ masks.

Oh God OP...I could have written your post. I too am emetophobic and only another person who suffers this awful affliction can understand the paralysing wave of fear that creeps over you when your child utters those dreaded words.

I'm afraid I can only offer empathy and a hand hold as I would always run for the hills and leave DH to deal with it all.

I hope he's better soon

They should be sick in the toilet (or at least the bathroom in a bowl) wherever possible.

Lying down on the sofa seems to be the messiest way possible to be sick.

If TV or audiobook are on then I just leave them to it, check in once an hour to clean bucket and see if they're ok generally.

You’re doing all the right practical things - bowl, towels, lie still - but it’s (obviously, I know you know this!) the emotional side of things you need to work on.

Have you had any therapy for your traumatic childhood experiences? Anything particularly focused on the emetophobia? I think you’d probably gain a lot from it.

In the ‘waiting to see if they throw up’ phase I just pop in now and again to check on them, or if I have time to sit and watch a movie or some distraction with them then I’ll do that. One of mine likes company, one to be left alone. So it’s child-led. If they do throw up I’m right there to help them clean up their mouth, spit and rinse etc and immediately take away the container. I am pretty calm so they stay calm, mostly.

Practically, we don’t use a bowl but a bin lined with a plastic bag and then tissue paper or kitchen roll in the bottom. Means you can just tie the handle of the bag and dispose as one thing immediately into the outside bin without having to wash or otherwise engage with the contents! Reline with a new bag and paper as needed.

My drill for the little ones as follows:

• we have a dedicated large bowl for throwing up in, which is cleaned with bleach after each use. This sits beside the child with a towel under
• no cuddles, just lots of calm reassurance and perhaps a gentle stroke of head
• leave them to rest but hover very nearby
• put a bath towel and a cotton sheet on sofa, with pillow (not cushion) and then use cotton blanket to cover, spare towel on top
• dress child in button up cotton pyjamas (for ease of removal if needed)
• a warm flannel to wipe hands and faces often helps my dc feel aa little better. Hand sani if they can put up with the smell

once cold is settled I immediately clean bathrooms and change towels - just a habit to stop spreading

If they’re feeling sick surely they want distraction and to sleep like an adult would, I’d think too many questions and hovering might make them more worried not less... Blankets on the sofa, comfort TV on, bowl nearby. In my childhood our mum used to give us a bell to ring when we were ill if we wanted anything, and would bring crackers and lucozade occasionally, or take our temperature, but didn’t hover otherwise. Obviously then would come to take bowl away and warm flannel for a facewipe if necessary. Felt taken care of, never worried about it, think our mum got plenty done without breathing in our germs all day.

Another emetephobe here and it’s really hard. I actually find the waiting to see what happens bit worse than actual vomiting. When my dc are actually vomiting I tend to leave them to it in the bathroom but am just outside (often with door open) doing as others have said- reassuring and sympathising but quite breezy and v calm ‘it’ll be over soon and then you’ll feel much better’ etc. The one thing I always do which I’m not sure is normal reading what others are saying, is to pop them in the bath while I clean (bleach!) everything and bag up all bedding/ towels etc to boil wash. I find focusing on hygiene and limiting spread makes me feel more in control. While they are in the bath I brush their teeth and wash them etc and give lots of love and more reassurance and then I’d put them back in their own beds with towels down etc and a lined bowl for any urgent vomits! I wouldn’t really want a vomiting kid on the sofa as so much harder to properly clean- so perhaps that’s a sign of my emetophobia and it causing me to do things differently.

Comfort them and reassure them and help.

I know that must be difficult for you but while I’m certainly far from a perfect parent being ‘brutal’ with an unwell child is a bit sad.

I am also emetophobic. If DD (6) is well enough, I will direct her to the toilet to be sick. I will be in the vicinity but not right next to her unless she asks. If she is ill enough that she is in bed then I surround her with old towels and we have a smallish washing up bowl whose only purpose is as a sick bowl. I don't stay with her all the time. She's a very neat puker nowadays so there's never any clear up apart from emptying and cleaning the washing up bowl (for the sake of the environment I no longer use bleach for general cleaning but I do employ it to clean for sickness bugs).

Last time she had a bad sick bug and was sick in her sleep I put on mask and gloves to do the clear up. It made dealing with it so much easier and I also managed to avoid catching it.

Apparently I'm well soft compared to the rest of you. My boys were always super clingy when they were younger and sick. As long as I didn't have anything else to do, I would sit with them on the couch, usually their head in my lap, a bowl close by for obvious reasons. I would definitely not be restricting water if they were thirsty but would tell them to sip it. We would watch a movie and I would stroke their hair.

As they got older, obviously I directed them to the toilet. I remember one particularly memorable sick day, when my youngest was about 5. He came in to my room saying he felt sick and I could tell by the look on his face it was imminent. I scooped him up and ran for the toilet. We didn't make it but I remember being strangely pleased that I caught it all in my cleavage and didn't need to mop the floor.

Depends how poorly she is feeling with it, will either sit with her on the sofa/bed and keep her company if she’s upset or just leave her with the bowl and crack on. DD does most of her throwing up in the middle of the night though (then wakes up fully recovered at 7am, while I am shattered and scrabbling around to make sure one of us can stay home with her)

Whatever you do, don't make a big deal of it or let your child know that it is stressing you out. Your child will pick up on this and may develop the fear themselves. I'm sure my son has picked it up from me.

DH or I stay with them in the room, both while they feel sick or are vomiting, but don't interfere too much. Feeling sick isnt nice but the actual vomiting doessnt seem to bother them that much (my kids are 6 and 8).