4 year old has no friends at after schools club what to do?

[Edellondon]

DS 4 started reception this year and attends after schools club 3 days a week. There are a few from his class and nursery that also go so i thought he'd be fine. He has made comments that "so so isnt his friend" and he seems to gravitate towards the older boys who dont always want him about. Tonight he said he doesn't want to go anymore as he has no friends and everyone thinks he's annoying. I feel terrible for him. I had spoken to the staff previously and they said he goes between different groups and is no bother. When ive collected him hes usually on his own or watching on as a group plays. I feel he is probably quite quiet and the staff maybe dont pick up that hes on his own. I work part time and need him looked after 3 days after school so not sure what to do? Its very hard to get into the club, they do midterm and summer clubs so really handy when schools are off. Should we keep going and see if things improve over the next term?

Bumping

Perhaps arrange play dates with the children from his class?

definitely keep going with the club.

encourage him to look for other kids who are alone. it is often tempting for a kid to try to join the biggest most popular group, but those kids don't want more friends. if he learns to look out for others who are lonely, he has more chance of finding people to hang out with.

and yes, arranging one or two playdates can be a great idea especially if you set up a structured activity that he can do with a friend without the pressure of organising things himself.

Thanks, the ones from his class who attend the after schools are all girls who seem to have formed their own group but ill double check. We actually are going to a class party this weekend so ill see if i can chat to some of the mums

I would speak to the staff again and explain he’s unhappy and ask if they can help him find a group to be with so he’s not in his own. They should be doing more to help him. Another alternative is to find a childminder who could take him? A smaller setting might work better for him at this age.

Yes im going to speak to them tomorrow and look at a few other places that offer after schools care so we know our options, just feel so sad about the whole thing, hes one of the youngest in his year and i had thought about deferring and now i feel guilty as i think his age may be a factor too

My DS is the same age and quite shy. The after school club was fully booked so we've sent him to a childminder and on reflection I think the smaller setting is a much better fit.

I've also noticed that he says things that sound quite serious (like 'I don't have any friends') without really meaning them and a few days later he'll say the opposite. So it may be the same for your DS, making sweeping judgements based on a couple of bad days. I hope so - it's such a rollercoaster watching them try and find their feet socially.

I;d agree with what @wallpapercurious has said.