4 yo DD phobia of grazes & blood

[nobath]

My daughter is extremely scared of grazes and blood. She got her first proper knee graze in the summer and refused to look at her own leg and bath/shower/swim for weeks. I tried everything you can imagine to get her to bathe properly but she is genuinely scared (& extremely stubborn).

The same thing has happened over the Xmas holidays so she’s going back to school tomorrow having not had a bath and a hair wash for 2.5 weeks!! 😱

I know I need to tackle the underlying worry she has about grazes and blood etc. Does anyone have any ideas about how to do so?

Also just to add, she’s not picking this behaviour up from us as my husband and I aren’t squeamish ourselves.

I don't understand why a graze stops you washing her hair or giving her a wash from a basin?

She’s had washes but just not baths or showers.

Your OP does imply that she's not had her hair washed for 2.5 weeks, that's the bit I don't understand. At her age I remember occasionally having my hair washed while standing at the side of the bath, could you try that?

Yeah I did this in the summer and will do it again this week if I can’t get her in the bath/shower. This isn’t really the point of my post though. I’m asking how to deal with the underlying problem.

What's the actual issue with bathing or hair washing though? Not sure I get the connection? Just cover it up.

Believe me I’ve tried to convince her of this.

I think the connection to her is that if it gets wet she thinks it will hurt.

Break it down.
Put a drop of water from a dropper so she can see it is ok
Yes it might sting but you could give calpol before ?

Hi OP, I have a 4 year old DD who is very similar. She absolutely has a meltdown if she grazes or hurts herself. I'm not sure what to add other than solidarity that it's a really tough phase. Could you try playing with toy together to try and role play an accident and try to get to the bottom of it. Some things that have helped us is letting DD take a bath but keeping her cut/graze out the water. Explaining that when there is a cut and it bleeds that the blood comes out to form a scab and protect the cut. The scab is new skin growing. I find talking to DD when the "trauma" isn't happening helps and then when she does inevitable graze her knee or cut herself that I can remind her of what we've spoken about. I'm sorry that's not much help but DD has become much better with it the past few months. As long as she is washed in some way or another I wouldn't fight a bath or a shower, you don't want to create negative associations. Try to make it a relaxes time, a new bath toy, a new game to play in the bath, the aim is to gently push her in the right direction and she will get there!

I have real issues with grazes too; blown off leg is no problem, but grazes make me dizzy and faint.

Nothing has helped me; my DH deals with the kid’s grazes because I'm flailing around trying not to pass out. I'd wash her in any way she’s comfortable and not press the issue.

Thank you, that’s really helpful to know someone else is experiencing this and I am reassured by your gentle approach as that’s my instinct but always think I’m not being firm enough (though I know from trying this absolutely does not work either!). I love the idea of talking about it / unpacking it whilst there is no graze there.

Interesting and difficult for you! My mum is very squeamish and will literally faint for a tiny cut. I wonder if my daughter inherited this somehow!

DD7 is the same. Terrified of injuries and won't look at them /allow anyone else to look without a major fight. Big struggle to get them wet in the bath even if she understands in principle that they need to be kept clean. Now she's older this is only triggered by major scrapes and bumps not every single one. The talking it through thing doesn't work with us unfortunately - she'll put her hands over her ears or her hand over my mouth to prevent the injury being the focus - it's like she's scared to think of it or see it.

It's definitely not a conscious choice, she's done it since being a baby and prone to nosebleeds which sent her into real meltdowns.

I've recently found out about a condition called blood vasovagal syncope - its an automatic response to the emotion caused by the sight of blood causing blood pressure drop and fainting in some people. I wonder if DD has something to do with that as her panic is so extreme.

So no solutions OP but sympathy!

Thanks for replying, very reassuring to hear of other children who have the same reaction. Though sending my sympathies as it's so difficult to deal with! My mum definitely has this blood vasovagal syncope thing! I bet DD has it too :(

Quick other question, if your DCs have this same problem, have you informed school? I feel like I should tell them just in case something happens at school and she freaks out but also I know this is the least of their problems!

I would second this. My DD has only just turned 4 and is at nursery but if she hurts herself there she will keep it a secret and tell the nursery staff she is fine but then when she gets home I'll notice bruises etc. With grazes or cuts they will tell me because she can't hide that but again she will try to downplay it. She also hides her cuts/grazes and if it's a very bad one she will put her beloved comforter over it which is actually quite cute.

On another practical note, DD will let me put "the purple cream" on cuts/grazes which is actually the stuff for breat feeding nipples! Works wonders with healing quickly and it's the only one that doesn't sting.

Ah yes that is a lovely gentle cream! Good idea.

I wonder about trying to spark her intellectual curiosity about the baby a bit more, so she can see it’s actually so clever that her body has blood, moves it around the body, clots on demand etc.

So reading lots of books about the body, watching ‘Operation Ouch’ (my little ones love it and we enjoy it too), playing doctors, being curious and talking about and noticing cuts and grazes that you and other people have.