Lost my temper and handled toddler too roughly

[AmeliaHay]

I feel beside my self with guilt and have been upset about an incident yesterday that's left me awake all night worrying. Took my 4 year old to a party yesterday which was outdoors so very muddy and wet. I had prepared her of this, so took a puddle suit, snow boots and spare clothes so she knew beforehand what so expect (highly sensitive child). She fell within 10 mins of arriving, so was extremely upset (doesn't like getting dirty). I remained calm and told her we cann change, so took her to the toilets for a change of clothes and left my baby (8 monthz) with some other mums. She point blank refused to put either of her shoe options on. I said she had to wear something on her feet. And from there onwards it waz a disaster. She refused to move. Screamed. Everyone and I mean everyone at the party just stared. Some lady then asked if she could take my baby to help me and I agreed (baby was back with me at this point). I ended up holding my toddler so aggressively and plonked her on her bum on the bench to try and force shoes on and she hit me in the face. I then had to literally restrain and carry her to the car, so forcefully as she was trying to bite me, she kept screaming "you're hurting me". When I got to the car I pretty much flung her in and closed the door to try and breathe. All this rough handling has me riddled with guilt. I also said some horrible things, "you said X was the naughty kid on you claas, hes there behaving and look at you screaming / everyone is looking at you". Just my worst day in history of parenting. DH is telling me to forgive myself and move on. But I just feel awful. We had to go back in eventually to get my baby, her in tow as the car was too far away to leave her there alone. I think every parent there thinks I'm a monster. Please be gentle :(

Just to add, I got upset on the journey home and she said "I have a plan, after we get home you can go back to the party if you want mummy, im sorry this is all my fault". Broke my heart. I pulled up and asked her to sit on my lap. I explained that it wasn't all her fault, that I should have been more patient and we were both at fault in our own ways and that tomorrow we'll have a better day, I apologied, hugged, and she also apologised. I fear that I've damaged her :(

We’ve all been there at some level. I still remember when I slapped my first after she had run out onto a pedestrian crossing. Felt so bad, but you get over it and learn from it.
Forgive yourself 💐

I have a 4 year old boy and this behaviour from him is very common at the moment. I’d be lying if I said I had never picked him up too tightly (he can also bite) or plonked him too roughly in the car. Sometimes you just need to leave the situation for everyone’s benefit and the only way to do that is to lift, carry and plonk. He‘s fine. Your daughter will be fine. Forgive yourself.

Honestly? A four year old is not a toddler and is old enough to know not to bite/hit (unless SEN at play). It doesn't sound like you had much of a choice in manhandling her. She needs to know that she acted poorly and that there are consequences (you don't wear your shoes, I have to pick you up). Talk about what you both might have done differently but don't over apologise - I'd consider that unacceptable behaviour from my 4yo and she'd be told that.