I NEED A RANT! AIBU?!?!

[NaatQ968]

I'm completely sick to death of my family treating me with such contempt.

I'm being called boring or can't be arsed.

Basically I have a 14 month old and we've got her into a magic routine, sleeps all night!

Bed time is 8pm and she usually sleeps between 9/11 hours per night and we've worked so hard to get here.

But my family members call me boring because I don't want to bring my daughter miles into the city (we live in the countryside) just to sit whilst everyone has a drink and a family gathering (birthdays etc) for them to time these things at 1830, to which I say, I can't come that late as DD has to go to bed and has her routine etc... I get the cold shoulder, ignored for days etc and I'm fed up of it, no consideration for me and my daughter, like why can't we have a meal or a gathering at like 4pm? I could stay for a few hours and go?

I'm just depressed and pissed off. They would rather do these things than come visit their granddaughter, niece, cousin etc....

AIBU?

How often do they expect you to go to these events? If it’s just now and again then I think you are overreacting. If it’s weekly then they are expecting too much.
One night out late will not destroy her sleep routine.

Yanbu but arrange one at 4

We've tried it a couple of times and by about 7pm she's just crying and really upset, doesn't want to go near anyone except me or her dad, just really really unsettled.

If I knew about these in advance I'd find a sitter, but they arranged the most recent one with just 1 days notice.

Me and my partner both work shifts and we need our sleep and it seems to be working for us just now.

Tried to suggest this but no one really listens 🤷🏼‍♀️

I am totally with you on this my daughter is nearly 5 but I am only just starting to relax my routine for very special occasions.. but usually it's not worth it as either she gets super grumpy that night or it's hell to pay the following day!! I am happy being boring 👍

There's just no second thought for us, the amount of times I've heard "you shouldn't be adjusting to the babies life, she should be adjusting to yours" just seems a bit selfish? We are first time parents and just want a happy easy life with our daughter - if that means bed at 8pm at night for a while then so be it 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Ask them to give you more notice so you can find a babysitter, or just one of you go. If it's your family you go, your partner can go to there's.

It can be hard when they are little we didna few late nights for special occasions, weddings big birthdays. DD would just sleep in the pram but DS was always awful the next day so he's not often kept up even at 13 as it actually seems to.make him feel quite ill if he doesn't sleep enough.

I have a 20 month old and I haven't attended any evening do since she was born. If other people have a problem with that then that's their problem.

I wouldn't upset my daughters routine like that either, and I wouldn't really care what anyone thought about that. Are babysitters not an option?

Also happy to be boring. I’m lucky to have 3 good sleepers (6 month old and 3 year old) - as long as we stick to the routine. Had to miss out on dinner tonight as it’s a 90 minute drive away and although a bed was offered they don’t do well as houseguests (interrupts the routine of course). They won’t be little forever

At the late notice they give me, I can't. Parents have split up, one parents side has the gatherings etc... and the other one needs notice for baby sitting as they work shifts... so notice would be fab as I could do that!

Thought I was the only one thank god im not

Selfish twats. I’d say invite them to or arrange more move lunches but they don’t deserve your effort if they care so little about what’s best for your DD. Step back, don’t explain, apologise or justify what works for your family and shrug off their nastiness.

If they valued your company they’d work around you for a while. Their loss they won’t.

Yes it seems they don't value us enough to slightly alter the times, what's worse is I asked to visit them on day of said gathering but a few hours earlier but they were "busy setting up for the party" so I can't do more than that

Sorry but I'm with them, I took mine everywhere with me, life is too short for strict bedtimes. Turned out fine

Im a working mum, my partner works, we got her into a routine to help settle her so we can also rest from work and she can have a full nights rest too, she is well behaved and we go see family a lot throughout the days etc but when it hits 7pm, regardless of where we are, she just screams and cries because she is tired... I don't really want to be somewhere, out of her normal home, upset just so we can basically sit and watch other people drink and get loud and rowdy... me and my partner don't drink... but anytime anyone wants to do something it involves late nights drinking...

What a horrible attitude. Most of us have no desire to drag our DC up as accessories

With my first child we had no routine as she just didn’t settle into one
i admit I didn’t really understand people who didn’t do things because it was nap time
then I had my second and they established their own regular nap time and I suddenly realised it wasn’t about sticking to nap time to be strict
Its just that if you do things at nap time they are grumpy and tired so it’s no fun any way and actually a bit cruel
for a one off event like a wedding that the time is never going to suit everyone I would mess with the routine,
for a fairly regular family meet up I’d be sticking to bed time

My family are good in organising things for the day but it is taking ages for them to understand that a 3 yo wants lunch at the same time every day and lunch for them is a random time between 12 and 2.

My daughter doesn't sleep and has a complicated bed time routine with various meds so we have only have 1 evening out without her since she was born. We went out for our anniversary a few months ago with 2 pm meal. It meant we didn't miss a meal with her which are also complicated as she has a lot of allergies. We had a great time and we also got to enjoy time with our daughter as a family.

For me it's less about routine disruption and more about not causing additional stress by forcing her to wait for her basic needs. Adults find these things much easier to adjust for so they should do more of the adjusting